A pretentious, snobby, old fashioned guide to choosing a strap

MRC

the spinnaker pole

MRC

Taking the spinnaker below

Pastorbottle

No fishing equipment either required or permitted,

Pastorbottle

Gets wet.??? These aren’t for wearing on boats….no they are only to be worn by armchair admirals in the bar of the yacht club,
I’d say leather, so long as it matches their silly docksider boat shoes and doesn’t clash with their white shorts, blue blazer and captain’s hat!
The later is never worn in the bar as if caught wearing a hat in the yacht club bar one is required to shout the bar, and these old bastards are too miserable for that, no they carry it around in the bar or wear it going to or from the bar to the Mercedes SUV.

These old buffers own a boat, moored somewhere down in the marina, but they’re not sure where as they never get on it.
The boat is either a barnacle habitat or they have other people sailing it for them, so they can bask in the glory of their crew’s victories from the comfort and safety of the yacht club bar.

Here is one of mine, no I’m not an armchair admiral nor ever was, I don’t sail anymore and didn’t wear one when I did.
Back when I was competing, I was one of those oddities that raced his own boat and none of us ever raced using one of these things for our timing, too hard to read quickly and pushers are too small to be fumbling about with using cold wet hands.
Let alone bother with the next to impossible to read or remember how to use tactical calculators fitted to some of these things.
No we used proper dedicated instruments fitted to the boat. ( other than the starting countdown timer I myself mostly ignored them and sailed by the seat of my pants)

Another two from my collection
I hated the stupid cheap and nasty looking plastic bands that came with these, the one on the bund is awaiting it’s turn at repair.
Yes I know I’ll cop shit for the bund but it’s only on there until it comes outta dry dock, something better will be found for it then. Better in sits properly in one of the watch boxes than floating about strapless in a draw.
so you may well ask why I have three of these things?
It’s because I like the fact that some cleaver bugger figured out the complications even though they aren’t practical….. let’s face it we rarely use the complications on our watches because they’re well named “complications” says it all.
Who actually uses and for that matter remembers how to the slide rule calculators on aviator watches when you have real instruments fitted to the plane, unless you flying an old square rigger ( string bag and canvas biplane)

JwRosenthal

I’ll pull the handle again- why not, how about green!

Pastorbottle

I shall wear my F as a badge of pride, I spent my life offending snob knobs, nice to know that I’ve still got the touch!
Rules are like bankers noses…….made to be broken!

Pastorbottle

And who said I intended to use my hand, a length of pipe will do nicely

Caracal25

I was really enjoying this thread until it started sailing off course...

Pastorbottle

The one thing all boats are is a hole in the water into which you tip money.

Pastorbottle

As I believe PJ O’Rourke said on the subject:
“ If it floats, flies or fucks, it’s cheaper to rent it!”

JwRosenthal

kind of like Satch Carlson’s career.

JwRosenthal

Was also an automotive writer who exercised poor judgement too many times to be overlooked and found himself tumbling down the career food chain. Figured anyone who knew PJ would know Satch…but PJ had a much broader literary career than just automotive press so my bad for the obscure reference.