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bradurani
·Dear Esteemed Forum Peoples,
Your new fangled, "creative", strap pairings are worse than fake butter on popcorn. Enough of this tomfoolery! Allow me to set you straight.
Dress Watches
The only acceptable straps for dress watches are crocodile and alligator. Ok, maybe lizard if it's a smaller watch. That's it. They must be black if you're wearing a tuxedo, or dark brown if not. This new trend of putting pebbled calf leather on dress watches to "dress them down" is an insult to dress watches and an insult to calves. The whole point is to be dressy, that's why it's called a "dress watch". Ditch the "I have no self-confidence" greys and tans and show that you love reptiles by having one killed and skinned for your watch. It's the natural way.
Dive Watches
If your dive watch didn't come with a bracelet. You have one choice: black rubber (silicone is just fancy science rubber, so I'm lumping them together). If you put leather on a dive watch, may the ghost of Jacques Costeau put laughing gas in your air tank. If you want to advertise to the whole world that your dive watch will never go near the ocean, then go ahead and do leather…. actually… don't… pretend you're not a boring accountant who never sees the sun and get a proper rubber strap. Black only!
Chronographs
This is where your leather belongs. If it's a racing inspired chronograph (this includes Speedmasters) you want a rally strap, usually with small holes to vent your gross sweaty wrists. Match the strap to the watch. If the dial is black, the strap should be black, and the stitching should be black too. Don't get all sports bro and put show-boatin' red stitching on your black strap. The strap serves as a neutral background from which to highlight the watch, not distract us from it.
For pilot's chronographs you have a bit more leeway. Brown or tan works if there's not too much black on the dial. Fake carbon fiber, colored rubber backing, colored stitching and other such nonsense screams "I can't afford a Lamborghini, but I would buy one if I could" and you don't want that.
Other
Field watches go on nylon two-piece straps, because they don't soak up your B.O. when you're out in the field. Military watches go on RAF-style single pass straps, or a black or green NATO. If you put a bracelet on a military watch you're asking to get shot by a sniper. Anything else is just a variation on a dress watch and therefore goes on crocodile.
Nevers
Never put stingray, ostrich, suede, velcro or or any strap with more than one color on any watch. Doing this screams, "I hate my watch and am trying to distract you from it with an ugly strap". There are a few watches that look alright with blue or green alligator leather, but they're rare and easy to get wrong, so it's best not to risk it. Bright colors like red, yellow and orange are never alright. Light tans and grays are always boring and sole-less.
There is exactly one scenario in which it's okay to wear a rough cut leather strap with two fat stitches at the top. If you are out on a cattle drive and your strap gets caught on a mesquite bush and rips and you need to fashion a new one with some leftover raw hide and a thorn for a needle, then go ahead. Otherwise, don't even think about it! Those things are the Invictas of straps.
This is the rule: don't choose a strap that pulls attention away from the watch. If you're doing it right, the strap should serve as a neutral background for the watch and not be noticed at all.
Ok, I know you all are burning with questions, so post your pics of your strap pairings, and I'll leave my unfiltered feedback to let you know if you're doing it right.
Your new fangled, "creative", strap pairings are worse than fake butter on popcorn. Enough of this tomfoolery! Allow me to set you straight.
Dress Watches
The only acceptable straps for dress watches are crocodile and alligator. Ok, maybe lizard if it's a smaller watch. That's it. They must be black if you're wearing a tuxedo, or dark brown if not. This new trend of putting pebbled calf leather on dress watches to "dress them down" is an insult to dress watches and an insult to calves. The whole point is to be dressy, that's why it's called a "dress watch". Ditch the "I have no self-confidence" greys and tans and show that you love reptiles by having one killed and skinned for your watch. It's the natural way.
Dive Watches
If your dive watch didn't come with a bracelet. You have one choice: black rubber (silicone is just fancy science rubber, so I'm lumping them together). If you put leather on a dive watch, may the ghost of Jacques Costeau put laughing gas in your air tank. If you want to advertise to the whole world that your dive watch will never go near the ocean, then go ahead and do leather…. actually… don't… pretend you're not a boring accountant who never sees the sun and get a proper rubber strap. Black only!
Chronographs
This is where your leather belongs. If it's a racing inspired chronograph (this includes Speedmasters) you want a rally strap, usually with small holes to vent your gross sweaty wrists. Match the strap to the watch. If the dial is black, the strap should be black, and the stitching should be black too. Don't get all sports bro and put show-boatin' red stitching on your black strap. The strap serves as a neutral background from which to highlight the watch, not distract us from it.
For pilot's chronographs you have a bit more leeway. Brown or tan works if there's not too much black on the dial. Fake carbon fiber, colored rubber backing, colored stitching and other such nonsense screams "I can't afford a Lamborghini, but I would buy one if I could" and you don't want that.
Other
Field watches go on nylon two-piece straps, because they don't soak up your B.O. when you're out in the field. Military watches go on RAF-style single pass straps, or a black or green NATO. If you put a bracelet on a military watch you're asking to get shot by a sniper. Anything else is just a variation on a dress watch and therefore goes on crocodile.
Nevers
Never put stingray, ostrich, suede, velcro or or any strap with more than one color on any watch. Doing this screams, "I hate my watch and am trying to distract you from it with an ugly strap". There are a few watches that look alright with blue or green alligator leather, but they're rare and easy to get wrong, so it's best not to risk it. Bright colors like red, yellow and orange are never alright. Light tans and grays are always boring and sole-less.
There is exactly one scenario in which it's okay to wear a rough cut leather strap with two fat stitches at the top. If you are out on a cattle drive and your strap gets caught on a mesquite bush and rips and you need to fashion a new one with some leftover raw hide and a thorn for a needle, then go ahead. Otherwise, don't even think about it! Those things are the Invictas of straps.
This is the rule: don't choose a strap that pulls attention away from the watch. If you're doing it right, the strap should serve as a neutral background for the watch and not be noticed at all.
Ok, I know you all are burning with questions, so post your pics of your strap pairings, and I'll leave my unfiltered feedback to let you know if you're doing it right.
. So I definitely agree that this guide is as advertised: snobby, pretentious, and old fashioned.
;
