Procrastination, Depression, Paralysis - A Turning Point

Bickering about different points of view isn't helpful. There is no one truth.

Well, I still can’t believe how brave the OP was.

OP said: "When I was younger, the only thing that would make my father happy was if I got high marks. So I studied due to a reason. Once that 'dangling apple' was no longer there:

Instead of studying, I played games.
Instead of studying, I went to the gym.
Instead of studying, I gambled.
Instead of studying, I pursued love."

I believe the underlying reason for the behavior, namely procrastinating in your university studies, is explained by the above excerpt. It appears you're avoiding your studies due to losing your motivator. OP: Is there any motivating factor for you to attend university beyond subconsciously (or consciously) seeking your father's approval? An honest answer to this question would shed light as to what you should do next.

So, in which category are you placing the OP? A "truly vulnerable student" or a "little 'shitehawk' "? Can you really not see why people are criticising your response? Would your employer be happy with your references to the students under your supervision? If you really are a university lecturer, it may be helpful to know the institution in order to avoid it as a choice on a UCAS form.

@GuiltyBoomerang thank you!

I am dealing with a lot of shit right now and I relate to your post.

1 year 4 months (to the day) my wife and I sold everything and left Switzerland to move back to Canda for a new job. I had been working on my PhD for the last 6 years. I moved here for this new job before I finished and defended my PhD. Thinking I can do this, new job 8-6ish and PhD writing in the evening and weekends.

Well, this new job is of course much more interesting, it's not 8-6 (but more like 8-8) and as I write I still haven't defended or completed the writing. I get home and I'm exhausted, I work as much as can on the weekends but that means I never rest. The procrastination is having a huge impact on my personal life as well, I got married on July 4th, 2017 and still haven't taken time to go on a honeymoon or taken any time off since the wedding.

The task appears to get bigger and bigger by the day.

Hearing that I'm not alone and reading the others reply helps.

If you want, I suggest we try to work together to keep ourselves on track and regain control.

Cheers,

Jonatan

Dear @GuiltyBoomerang, sorry to hear about your predicament. I’ll add another vote for the suggestion to seek professional help.
I also noticed what you said about your father.
What I’m reading berween the lines is a story of loss. If he passed away, please accept my condolences. If not, and whatever happened, you’ve identified it as a triggering factor, and IMHO believe it is crying out to be addressed with a psychologist. And it seems well worth it.

Thank you so much for posting this @GuiltyBoomerang, you’re a brave man indeed and I’ve no doubt that this will be the start of a route through this situation, onto improved wellbeing for you.
Funnily enough the situation that you describe has enabled me to put a label on my own experiences about 10 years back - thank you, you’ve helped me to understand myself a bit better.
Fortunately, I’ve managed to move onwards and upwards from the bad times, have regained control and my motivation. Life has never been better.
Within what the previous posters have said, there’s the basis of a route through this for you , but I think it will be specific to you and what suits your individual needs best.
Good luck, you have a fulfilling future ahead of you.

I feel very concerned with this subject , but there is to many messages to read , i'll do it tomorrow.

To everyone who has posted, I appreciate it very much.

I spent some time...well, a lot of time yesterday going through what people have said, and yes, it probably is something I will need to get looked at.

It's 2am. It hurts to wake up having not done anything the night before...though being productive now might not be such a bad idea. Because it is nigh on impossible to go back to sleep with an impending thought that is currently making me sweat.

Sleeping at 9pm was a good feeling, tinged with guilt. A dirty pleasure, or...

@Syrte @Rasputin - my father is very much well and alive - just that in my primary years, he was very strict and saw me as the academic genius. Over time that eroded and he praised my sister more and more. I was jealous of that yet at the same time kept to myself.

I was most definitely spoilt as a child. I have been given tough love a lot. I will not lie and say that I was physically punished for infractions that to others were minor.

I feel guilt a lot. As a child I accidentally broke school property. I did not disclose this, due to...fear? When this was reported to my parents via phone, my father punished me by revoking access to items, having to stand in a corner, pulling my ear; Asian punishment, to instill discipline.

All it did was convince me never to do that to any children I did have.

And my father eventually softened after seeing that I wasn't so academically inclined. He started talking more, however he used a lot of ridiculing (and still does) rather than a "meat in the sandwich" approach.

Talking to him recently, he said if my job was stable and uni would help in keeping that stability, keep at it.

I have always done things to please people. I feel good knowing people are acknowledging me. Perhaps it is an act that fills an empty me.

I cried in primary when I couldn't get over getting a Distinction rather than a High Distinction. I laughed in high school when for some reason I scraped a pass in a test I thought I would have failed and my friend who was boasting about passing didn't. This strangely also happened in my first stint at university where I procrastinated an assignment and got a Distinction and my confident friend failed.

Procrastination has followed me around like a dark shadow.

I never could get why I was bullied, to the point where during primary and early high school I was an outsider and avoided social contact except with close friends who were also outsiders. I allied with teachers yet never really explained what the full situation...because I didn't have the words as I may do today.

I have found one common theme with procrastination: something has to either take interest, or be an escape, and I will do it. Freely and actively. Going rock hard into a textbook is tricky unless it is something that interests me.

However, and like what I will mention below: I have used tinkering with watches in the past AS an escape. It was pleasurable but I was running away. From study, from work. And a big Panic Button would be pushed, and the cycle would continue.

In Year 5 I had a space assignment and a DOS computer to type on. I crammed it in the night before.

In Year 6 I had to write an autobiography. I hastily bound a scrapbook, pulled about 60 photos into plastic sleeves, taped them in, hand wrote all the descriptions...probably in the last two days before I had to hand in.

In my first stint at uni I crammed. A lot. And lost my way after escaping to gym, drive my car, gamble.

At my PT courses, I crammed and pushed through assignments. Usually on the night before.

For my current certificate and diploma in teaching children, I got extensions. Both times I handed in a bulk lot of modules after all nighters.

This crept into work as well. Not wanting to make portfolios of children until the very last moment. Having sleepovers at work to get things done.

I don't think for any assignment I have never had to cram for it.

And yet during this time, I actively trained and competed in a bodybuilding contest.

I found that changing all the batteries in the clocks in primary coaching college more engaging than doing study papers.

I cheated on study papers from a private tutor during primary years because it seemed mundane. I was asked about why all my answers said "As above."

Someone mentioned about golf swings. A game I enjoyed playing was Dance Dance Revolution. Tap pads in order. I got some tips in the beginning, but never a constant companion. Hence my habit in being able to do a song but never perfectly hit hard notes technically as my ex and friends did.

When I had a quick read and wrote about myself for my university blog, suddenly being able to link Descartes to research papers was fun. It was a flow. Whoever mentioned Wait But Why: I have read those procrastination papers. And I align very much. Except that the Panic Monster is not really pushing me to hand in assignments - actually, the fact that I am sweating now would suggest that yes there is that urge to get out and start researching again.

Again, if this does take a sombre note, it is not because I intend it to - or am I? I don't know.

Perhaps I am just a snowflake who wants attention. Perhaps I have been reinforced by negative attention, so I need people to take notice and care for me? I really don't know.

On reflection - this is close to a thousand words. In an hour.

I can hear people say "Well if you can type a thousand words in under an hour you can do anything."

Challenge accepted

@GuiltyBoomerang:

It’s amazing how close to home your comments and insights are for me.

I am 63 and, somehow, have managed to survive and prosper despite problems and challenges very similar to yours. At best, you’ll always be ‘recovering’ and not ‘recovered’ because, unlike watches, repairs on us have to continually address problems.

But the effort is worth it. Life can be an amazing amusement park.

This thread for some reason makes me happy to know i am a part of this community

My best friend struggled with a bad relationship with his Asian parents, obesity, and crippling anxiety. He went to a therapist, didn’t like him, went to another therapist, clicked with him, and saw him for a couple years.

Now the man’s depression he suffered at the hands of his anxiety is largely gone (like three days out of the year), has a much better relationship with his parents, and he has a 6-pack now.

As an aside (as in this won’t get to the root of what you’re going through) I found breaking down big insurmountable tasks into small ones takes a lot of the pressure away, it makes things manageable. I even do that with taking clean dishes out of the dishwasher, I sometimes just take a few plates out at a time, and then come back to it later, eventually the whole thing is unloaded. Same thing with studying, I never tried to go an hour straight, I just did 30min at most, do a timed 5 min break, then do another 30min. Maybe this technique can help in the short run.

Anyways, therapy can do wonders, might even get you the abs you’ve always wanted! Seriously though, best wishes sir.


Eric

Especially by your second post - I feel we may be similar.

I suspect I have Adult ADD or something similar.

When I am interested in a subject, I can slip it to an extremely focused state. To the point of forgetting to eat, etc. Time just melts away and I forget to take care of myself.

In many other aspects of my life, I can be a mess. And to focus is literally painful. I also am always moving around and fidgeting. My legs... When I am critically thinking, I always have to pace around the house. I am told I wiggle in my sleep constantly. I am bumping my feet together as I type this.

My recommendation, besides seeing a professional (hypocritical on my part), is to engage in irrevocable measures. If you can put restrictions in motion that cannot easily be undone, the temptations and faltering of willpower disappear.

People who eat too much junk food are told to remove the food from the house. Just throw it all in the trash. If you have an internet addiction - it can be wise to use a program that literally restricts your internet hours to certain times of the day. With a white list, if necessary. Gaming addiction? Remove the game console from the house. Destroy it with a baseball bat, if necessary. Gambling problem? Give your credit card to a close friend or use one of the many "lock boxes" that are available today in which you can place objects and set a timer for the box to unlock itself.

Engaging in one big and irrevocable act to rid yourself of a bad habit is infinitely easier to accomplish than trying to resist the small temptations at every waking minute. Especially for people with a particular brain chemistry.

Don’t take this the wrong way but maybe consider therapy? Your post screams “help me!” But we can’t.

i hope watch hunting doesnt aggravate your condition.

No, he didn't. Read it again.


He has no position of authority over the OP. He is using his accumulated experience of seeing thousands of students over the years to make a judgement, & he is entitled to this opinion. And that experience/opinion should count for something, because that is what we use here on this forum to analyze, judge & make informed decisions on the watches we see.

Hi Hi, I'm sure you'll agree that everyone here on this thread has demonstrated their support, encapsulating a small but very significant 'we got ya back, and we here for ya' (if you'll excuse the young-speak).

But that is here, online, in cyber-space; and whilst that virtual back-up is great, it can be forgotten when being overwhelmed during the day-to-day minutea in the real world. Seeing a professional is worthwhile, especially since you have identified a considerable number of avoidant actions which will smooth the discovery process. For now to get through your immediate assignments, I recommend breaking them up into smaller tasks and gamify the process.

Do anything to build that achievement momentum, and when you take a break, look at what you've accomplished, smile and f**king crack on!