Procrastination, Depression, Paralysis - A Turning Point

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No, he didn't. Read it again.



He has no position of authority over the OP. He is using his accumulated experience of seeing thousands of students over the years to make a judgement, & he is entitled to this opinion. And that experience/opinion should count for something, because that is what we use here on this forum to analyze, judge & make informed decisions on the watches we see.

Well if you're going to get picky, frederico didn't actually say he had a position of authority over the OP. And 'judgement' 'opinion'? I think what has led to criticism of this post is the 'opinion' / 'judgment' of some students as ' "shitehawks" ' who (allegedly) "cheerfully" abuse trust.
 
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Well if you're going to get picky, frederico didn't actually say he had a position of authority over the OP. And 'judgement' 'opinion'? I think what has led to criticism of this post is the 'opinion' / 'judgment' of some students as ' "shitehawks" ' who (allegedly) "cheerfully" abuse trust.

Please explain what frederico meant then.

Icono is using his judgement based on his experience. Same thing each of us do everyday in our jobs, relationships & hobbies. So you'd accept an opinion about a watch from him but not an opinion about a student? Where i'm certain he has more experience?

My $0.02
I have nothing against the OP, i symphatise with him as i too had very tough parents growing up. But while having tough parents might contribute to his problems, its not the cause.

OP said he has always procrastinated, but continues gymming & playing games despite not doing his course work. Does that not suggest that he does not enjoy it? Or has little or no interest in it? Would a teacher be able to tell if a student shows no interest in his/her studies? No one on this forum has had a remark to that effect on his/her report card? OP does not have any "dangling apple" to aim for, so does not study? Where did the dangling apples come from before? Does the OP not have any of his own?

What advice do you give a student in a case like this? Take some time off, do something different, find yourself, find out what you really like. Isn't that a gap year? Do some volunteer work, get a job, maybe you'll find out you like it, maybe you'll find it's tough to pay the bills?

I went through that, after trying to live up to my parents expectations for so long, i started working. Found it tough, while my friends got better paying jobs, i was stuck. I went back to uni in a course i liked, studied & worked at the same time. Toughest few years of my life, struggled to eat, have petrol in the car & pay the bills. Some weeks it wasn't possible, but i always handed in my work on time.

In the process i learnt that while i'd like to respect my parents aspirations, i had to live my own life. It isn't a matter of not living up to their expectations, but my own. So what if i'm not as "successful" as my siblings? Does that make me less happy? Is the amount of money earned the measure of success? If the family environment is toxic, should you continue to stay in it out of a sense of filial piety? Do you live life for yourself or for others?

So if the OP is lost or unsure, is Icono's suggestion that he take time off bad?

As to the shitehawks, didnt everyone have a friend in uni that always partied too much or skipped lectures?
 
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@GuiltyBoomerang thank you!

I am dealing with a lot of shit right now and I relate to your post.

1 year 4 months (to the day) my wife and I sold everything and left Switzerland to move back to Canda for a new job. I had been working on my PhD for the last 6 years. I moved here for this new job before I finished and defended my PhD. Thinking I can do this, new job 8-6ish and PhD writing in the evening and weekends.

Well, this new job is of course much more interesting, it's not 8-6 (but more like 8-8) and as I write I still haven't defended or completed the writing. I get home and I'm exhausted, I work as much as can on the weekends but that means I never rest. The procrastination is having a huge impact on my personal life as well, I got married on July 4th, 2017 and still haven't taken time to go on a honeymoon or taken any time off since the wedding.

The task appears to get bigger and bigger by the day.

Hearing that I'm not alone and reading the others reply helps.

If you want, I suggest we try to work together to keep ourselves on track and regain control.

Cheers,

Jonatan

I'm sorry about your situation. I see that in PhD students pretty often, sadly. If they're having trouble getting a dissertation written and defended while they're still at their college, it becomes much harder if they move away and are working elsewhere. Unfortunately, recognizing a problem does not easily translate to a solution, especially now that you've already moved. Is it possible to leave the job for Monday-Friday and work on finishing the PhD on weekends? The honeymoon trip a reward for when it's done?
 
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Please explain what frederico meant then.

Icono is using his judgement based on his experience. Same thing each of us do everyday in our jobs, relationships & hobbies. So you'd accept an opinion about a watch from him but not an opinion about a student? Where i'm certain he has more experience?

As to the shitehawks, didnt everyone have a friend in uni that always partied too much or skipped lectures?

Not sure how else to explain: my point is about referring to students in such a disparaging way. And no, I wouldn't accept his opinion on a watch, any more than give credence to his remarks about students. I wouldn't presume to know what frederico meant, I was simply pointing out the inaccuracy of your comment.

I don't post here often because, in general, there are unpleasant responses like a couple in this thread. There's a big difference between spirited debate and invidious intolerance.
 
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Not true. Practice and hard work will improve your swing. It may take a long time, and professional help, and you may never reach top levels, but the only way YOU get better is if YOU want to. Again, personal choice - give up and stay mired in the muck, or lift yourself out of it no matter how much effort is required.
And practice without guidance will also lead to orthopedic surgery....
 
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Two observations: (1) Speaking from experience, it is difficult to differentiate between simple bad habits and something more organic; and (2) would those who are blessed with excellent emotional and mental health be more empathetic to those who are not, if the disease were called something like "neurotransmitter enzyme deficiency disease" instead of "depression"?
 
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Two observations: (1) Speaking from experience, it is difficult to differentiate between simple bad habits and something more organic; and (2) would those who are blessed with excellent emotional and mental health be more empathetic to those who are not, if the disease were called something like "neurotransmitter enzyme deficiency disease" instead of "depression"?

The unfortunate quality about empathy is that it is in short supply until it happens to you.
 
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Get you big time , I seem to have focussed to much on my life on collecting things to the detriment of personal relationships & my professional life at times . I think my obsession with collecting started with the 1970 Mexico World Cup coins from Esso petrol stations ,& progressed into stamps , panini football stickers , comics , vintage cars & now into watches . I must have about 50 watches now, I have days in work where I can't even focus on what I'm supposed to be doing, as I'm too busy researching a paticular watch reference .
 
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I will be taking time off the forum for a while.

I have noticed my irritability at forgetting where things are, and not bringing things that are important.

My distraction has caused my Record WWW to be stolen today whilst I was at work at the vintage market. I took it off my wrist, walked to get some batteries and it was gone within a minute. Funnily enough the people didn't care to take the Buren WWW that was right next to it.

I aim to return with a plan, with therapy and a clear mind. (And with assignments done.)

Take care everyone!
 
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Get you big time , I seem to have focussed to much on my life on collecting things to the detriment of personal relationships & my professional life at times . I think my obsession with collecting started with the 1970 Mexico World Cup coins from Esso petrol stations ,& progressed into stamps , panini football stickers , comics , vintage cars & now into watches . I must have about 50 watches now, I have days in work where I can't even focus on what I'm supposed to be doing, as I'm too busy researching a paticular watch reference .

The roots of this need to be uncovered for you to temper this behavior, because as with those who have a shopping addiction, your brain releases endorphins with each watch hunt and subsequent conquest. There is probably some underlying anxiety or other trauma that gets dampened by this behavior.

We all get a little juice from this hobby, that's often why we do it. But it's revealing that you note it's having an effect on your personal life and work. At this point, you may benefit from a chat with a therapist. No judgement here, just trying to assist.
 
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My recommendation, besides seeing a professional (hypocritical on my part), is to engage in irrevocable measures. If you can put restrictions in motion that cannot easily be undone, the temptations and faltering of willpower disappear.

This is not a bad idea, but is a band-aid for what is often a complex issue that requires a multitude of approches to effectively combat. Often, this includes behavior modification, talking therapy, and frequently, medication. No alcoholic ever got cured by throwing his booze out the window, except for the evening. Because the stores open again the next day.

By the way, your symptoms sound a little like restless legs syndrome. Has anyone suggested that?
 
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@M'Bob : interesting you bring up restless leg syndrome. I definitely did have this as a child. It was drilled into me though to stop it, so I did.

I have been feeling better over the last couple of weeks. I decided to take a break from university, have seen the doctor and been referred to a psychiatrist, and am coming to terms of recognizing what is possibly combined ADD.

Even if it isn't, I empathize with certain aspects - the concept of now/not now, why I need to work on timing the things I do and see that it can fit into my lifestyle, and that razor sharp focus when something really takes my fancy. There is also that impulsiveness when I say things only to catch my breath, which has meant that I'm trying hard to pause before saying anything. There are times I see it, and reflect, and times where it just takes over.

There have been lots of small wins: I recognize the need to have a morning routine and have been, in the words of that colonel, "making my bed." That has now become a habit, even if sometimes it feels annoying. I make breakfast and my meals. Small and manageable. I still stumble over having flow-on and following through once started, though I have also recognized that breaks are needed. In moderation of course.

Thank you to everyone for your support and I will keep on building slowly to be the best I can be.
 
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Confession is one thing, but having the courage to take action, and then actually make strides towards progress? Well, that is most impressive.

Further, if by chance the collective opinions on the forum helped you take the first steps...then my jaded self has to admit that indeed, this is a community.
 
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Restless leg syndrome involves pain when not moveing your leg. It’s not the same as the habit of always tapping your leg.

That being said, I’ve thought long and hard about commenting in this thread. If you have never experienced crippling depression don’t tell people to get over it.

You don’t understand how you could be a top 50 player of a sport and when you don’t make the Olympics continue to feel you are a complete and abject failure. Sell 2 companies you started before age 30 and feel like a failure. Never see anything that will make you feel like your not a failure. Rationally you know your not, but your alone in feeling that way and nothing will stop it. You learn to put it in the back of your mind, but still the metaphorical voices tell you it’s not enough. At some point you try to explain it to people but no one understands and they just tell you your not a failure you should see that. Before that as a child you learned to hide the weakness from other children to avoid being bullied, tou hise it from your parents sonthey don’t think they have failed you. You learn to live with it in silence with not even your close friends have any idea how hard it is to force yourself to do anything. The daily struggle to continue even if your are successful beyond what most people would reach. You know it’s all in your head, you know it’s irrational... it’s always there.

Or so I’ve heard.
 
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Restless leg syndrome involves pain when not moveing your leg. It’s not the same as the habit of always tapping your leg.

That being said, I’ve thought long and hard about commenting in this thread. If you have never experienced crippling depression don’t tell people to get over it.

You don’t understand how you could be a top 50 player of a sport and when you don’t make the Olympics continue to feel you are a complete and abject failure. Sell 2 companies you started before age 30 and feel like a failure. Never see anything that will make you feel like your not a failure. Rationally you know your not, but your alone in feeling that way and nothing will stop it. You learn to put it in the back of your mind, but still the metaphorical voices tell you it’s not enough. At some point you try to explain it to people but no one understands and they just tell you your not a failure you should see that. Before that as a child you learned to hide the weakness from other children to avoid being bullied, tou hise it from your parents sonthey don’t think they have failed you. You learn to live with it in silence with not even your close friends have any idea how hard it is to force yourself to do anything. The daily struggle to continue even if your are successful beyond what most people would reach. You know it’s all in your head, you know it’s irrational... it’s always there.

Or so I’ve heard.

Another brave post, to be sure. I was just marinating on this concept this morning: if your perception about the world is that, on balance, it pretty much sucks, with occasional moments of joy, does that make one a realist...or depressed?

Anyway...hope things are better. And, just to be clear: pain in the legs is not a hallmark of RLS.
 
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@M'Bob : interesting you bring up restless leg syndrome. I definitely did have this as a child. It was drilled into me though to stop it, so I did.

I have been feeling better over the last couple of weeks. I decided to take a break from university, have seen the doctor and been referred to a psychiatrist, and am coming to terms of recognizing what is possibly combined ADD.

Even if it isn't, I empathize with certain aspects - the concept of now/not now, why I need to work on timing the things I do and see that it can fit into my lifestyle, and that razor sharp focus when something really takes my fancy. There is also that impulsiveness when I say things only to catch my breath, which has meant that I'm trying hard to pause before saying anything. There are times I see it, and reflect, and times where it just takes over.

There have been lots of small wins: I recognize the need to have a morning routine and have been, in the words of that colonel, "making my bed." That has now become a habit, even if sometimes it feels annoying. I make breakfast and my meals. Small and manageable. I still stumble over having flow-on and following through once started, though I have also recognized that breaks are needed. In moderation of course.

Thank you to everyone for your support and I will keep on building slowly to be the best I can be.

While attention problems can be a comorbidity of depression, even more untreated ADD patients develop depression and anxiety. The big one to worry about when getting first treated with a late diagnosis is bipolar disorder, which when treated with ADD meds or antidepressants can lead to a manic phase. Be sure your doc knows what he's doing and makes a proper diagnosis, which requires learning about your medical and mental history since early childhood development.
 
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While attention problems can be a comorbidity of depression, even more untreated ADD patients develop depression and anxiety. The big one to worry about when getting first treated with a late diagnosis is bipolar disorder, which when treated with ADD meds or antidepressants can lead to a manic phase. Be sure your doc knows what he's doing and makes a proper diagnosis, which requires learning about your medical and mental history since early childhood development.

Hi @larryganz, I will keep that in mind once the appointment comes up.

I jumped to a conclusion over the weekend that I might have bipolar, however it turned out that having an all-nighter does trigger a sense of euphoria and productivity the following morning.

The so-called sense of wanting to do new, exciting and impulsive things - I know it all too well. And as mentioned before, it can lead to financial and real trouble, as much as I don't want to say it.

When it came out, I wanted a Lord of the Rings DVD. I didn't have enough money, so I stole it from my parents. Impulsive, yes, and my dad proceeded to destroy this DVD by snapping it in half in front of me while I stood in a corner pinching and pulling my ears.

When I got my first credit card, the first time I used it was paying for flights to a bodybuilding competition. The preparation for that had cost me most of my savings. Of course at the time I also struggled with body image, and my trainer made me feel like an outsider when I put on 10 kilograms in a week post-show...now that I mention it, once I got too bogged down mentally and physically at my recent job, my manager also became cold towards me. I do struggle to have considerations for others.

I got over that hill, and built savings for the next few years...only for me to buy a laptop during my holiday and proceed to drain my bank balances. Again.

Another couple of years rolled by, and I had savings! I decided to use it to pay for business class airfares and used my credit card to pay for an extra tour.

I had paid off my credit card when I met my second ex. We signed up for another credit card each. Love and a false sense of pride means I've paid off that card once and am about to again. The first credit card is next on the list.

I recently had a heap of savings and plan to pay off my credit cards (which is still going well.) And what do you know, I was tempted by an Omega...

Watches have definitely landed me in a pickle on and off. I do have to ask myself at times whether it is a true hobby or something that, like the gym and games, are constant comforts. Selling and consolidating watches is important when you have bills to pay. And it is hard to do something when you need to do it rather than when it is a secondary optional task. That said, these last couple of weeks have been much better in terms of sorting my times out and getting a routine/diet going...now I just need to work on my consolidation efforts.

I am grateful for everyone's experiences and if there is some way that I can repay the favour, please let me know.
 
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I havent posted in the thread, buy Ive followed with interest. All I can tell you is, if you ever come to Paris, drop me a PM, I'd love to have a beer with you!