Procrastination, Depression, Paralysis - A Turning Point

frederico · Apr 4, 2018

Hi @GuiltyBoomerang

I feel your challenges. Actually only indirectly, I was married to a master procrastinator and I had no idea how to deal with it. It got so bad that we’re no longer together. Since then I’ve learned a lot about the mindset and know it’s a serious state of affairs, it can’t be solved with a “just get on with it” and those who think so are misinformed.

These were helpful to me, perhaps they might be to you too. Good luck

https://www.ted.com/talks/tim_urban_inside_the_mind_of_a_master_procrastinator

ICONO · Apr 4, 2018

Right…Tough Love here !

As a University Lecturer…who actually has to chase down the little ‘shitehawks’ who cheerfully abuse my trust, and my time, with non submission of assignments……I can tell you now…& with respect,…You are simply not ready for ‘Further Education’ at the moment

Currently you are barely scoring ‘adequate’, and having a miserable time achieving that, & stressing over it

So…Go and do something that does inspire you…Do something that ‘moves your waters’ and gives you satisfaction

You actually need a hunger, to want to learn…and that only comes with maturity…& experience of real life

My own (just) 18yr old Son has taken a year out, to serve with the UK based VSO, ( Voluntary Service Overseas ) in Malawi, in Southern Africa, working with a Sexual Health clinic to reduce AIDS, in that region

I have been lucky enough to see him transform from a Boy……to a Man…in the time he has been there

Go do something useful / useless, for a year… then come back, and decide what it is you want from life ?

jumpingsecond · Apr 4, 2018

GuiltyBoomerang
To everyone who has posted,

Thank you all for your kind words.

To put it shortly, in the holy moly four hours that have gone to this point:

* I loaded my uni page.
* I loaded up my subject where the one assignment has been overdue.
* Thought nope, went to dinner.
* Proceeded to have dinner and then proceed through a ADHD online screen (and @sjg22, perhaps I am paranoid, I may be a combined, only a doctor/pysch can tell)
* Ordered two handmade straps from MWR for my WWWs based on @Syrte's experience

It was only in the last hour that I finally got round to writing what I did below. This is one of my (minimum) four blogs that I have to do for an art course (this assignment isn't due till next week.)

So I have been productive for 25% of my time. And it felt good to be in control and doing something! Not the most important thing, and not everything I wanted did get done, however:

Sleep is important too. I will take that for tonight.

Thank you and may blessings come down upon you all.

Guiltyboomerang-I appreciate your honesty and that you can acknowledge your private issues on this community (it is a community!) but now you might should gtfo these forums for a while and do your fakkin' work as another member would put it! :whipped:

Poppydog · Apr 4, 2018

U ulackfocus
Remember the days when people kept a diary / journal and were pissed off if you read their private thoughts and problems? Now, people are pissed off if you don't read about their problems and give a "Like" as support.

I also remember the days that when somebody whined about their situation, we said things like "suck it up, buttercup" and "welcome to adulting". Now, that's derided as insensitive and possibly even bullying.

I'll stop there because, being one of those self-motivating types, I just don't understand how people let themselves slide into continual depression. Life is wonderful people! Yeah, some of the mundane tasks suck, but 3 minutes standing in the sunshine on a nice day can cure months of drudgery. As Cher's character in Moonstruck said "SNAP OUT OF IT!". It can be that simple if you let it.

Good to see there's still some empathy and understanding around.

To the OP: I understand the complex issues around low self-esteem, and urge you to seek some advice and guidance. Procrastination, and then rushing an assignment at higher ed' can easily lead to failing a course / module and in turn exacerbate the low self-esteem. Talk to your tutors and ask for help in setting out a plan.

BenBagbag · Apr 4, 2018

I'd like to second a lot of what others have suggested (especially @sjg22). It sounds like you may want to seek additional help to see if there is anything more to your procrastination. If you cannot get a handle on this yourself (and it sounds like you are having significant trouble even after your original post) you may need to seek the help of friends, family, and even a psychologist to figure out how to get by and accomplish during your time in school.

@ICONO Just because you have students that avoid work doesn't mean that all of them are just trying to skirt responsibility because they "aren't ready" for further education. I don't know if your prescription of real life experience, volunteer service, and maturity is the answer to OP's problem. In fact I don't believe anyone has the right to tell the OP what the answer to his problems are. My "answer" was to tell OP to talk to someone who can help him find the answers.

And I'm sure not all of your students are taking to an online forum to express their feelings of anxiety and worry about what is to come. So while you are entitled to paint your world in whatever brushes you'd like don't use your personal experience to invalidate the experience of another who you literally don't know anything about.

All I can offer is positivity for someone who is clearly reaching out. I am surprised to see some people here using this platform to try and "shake sense" into the OP. You think some little tough love post from behind a screen is going to suddenly "wake up" the OP and help him change his lifestyle?

LouS · Apr 4, 2018

It's a good sign he hasn't replied to this thread.

turbo_muc · Apr 4, 2018

Hope you do not take my picture as offense. It was ment as motivation. I certainly cannot step into your shoes but its my experience that sometimes you just need a trigger to get something done.

michael22
Good luck.
Are you sure you are enrolled in the right course, something you actually want?

IMO these were wise words. Are you sure that you are doing the right thing for you? I myself experience that I get distracted so much more easily when there are things on the table which I do not like to do.

And it seems you have a passion: watches. So you can obviously focus on your hobby and put your thoughts and efforts into it.

Just my thoughts.

ulackfocus · Apr 4, 2018

sjg22
Charles Barkley has certainly benefited from your golf advice of “just keep endlessly hitting balls with your gawd-awful swing”.

There are clear studies that indicate that it’s not “practice” that makes you better (at anything), it’s “focused practice”. Contrary to your assertion, the evidence is that you will improve significantly faster if a golf pro improves your swing and you hit 1,000 buckets of balls than if you don’t get any assistance and further in-grain your bad habits by hitting 5,000 buckets of balls with zero instruction.

But why let the science get in the way. Brains aren’t a “one size fits all” part of your anatomy any more than feet - so while your approach will work for some, as hard as it may be to see from your perspective, it doesn’t work for all.

Nice - twist my words to your agenda and then run with it. Plain & simple: I said if you need help, get it. The more you wallow in your own self pity, the deeper down the hole you go. Again, it's a personal choice to NOT do anything about it except feel sorry for yourself.

P Poppydog
Good to see there's still some empathy and understanding around.

I have sympathy for animals and small children who can't control their situation. Normal adults can make their own choices and should do so. Stop blaming all these "diseases" and make yourself a better person.

That's it, I'm done commenting in a thread overrun by liberal "woe is me, it's not my fault" thinkers. Have all the last words you want, and help our OP rationalize his behavior. Your only giving him excuses to fall further.

ICONO · Apr 4, 2018

BenBagbag
I'd like to second a lot of what others have suggested (especially @sjg22). It sounds like you may want to seek additional help to see if there is anything more to your procrastination. If you cannot get a handle on this yourself (and it sounds like you are having significant trouble even after your original post) you may need to seek the help of friends, family, and even a psychologist to figure out how to get by and accomplish during your time in school.

@ICONO Just because you have students that avoid work doesn't mean that all of them are just trying to skirt responsibility because they "aren't ready" for further education. I don't know if your prescription of real life experience, volunteer service, and maturity is the answer to OP's problem. In fact I don't believe anyone has the right to tell the OP what the answer to his problems are. My "answer" was to tell OP to talk to someone who can help him find the answers.

And I'm sure not all of your students are taking to an online forum to express their feelings of anxiety and worry about what is to come. So while you are entitled to paint your world in whatever brushes you'd like don't use your personal experience to invalidate the experience of another who you literally don't know anything about.

All I can offer is positivity for someone who is clearly reaching out. I am surprised to see some people here using this platform to try and "shake sense" into the OP. You think some little tough love post from behind a screen is going to suddenly "wake up" the OP and help him change his lifestyle?

When you have had many years experience, of tutoring truly vulnerable Students, in F2F situations,… and encouraging them to complete their Degees……then you can have the temerity to lecture me, from behind your screen

I offered a positive alternative…effectively ‘time out’ to reflect, and regroup…to really decide if your Parents expectations, are really your own ?

To make your own decision, be comfortable, and stand by it

The OP is an Adult, after all

I’m out now, from this conversation

frederico · Apr 4, 2018

U ulackfocus
..Have all the last words you want, and help our OP rationalize his behavior. Your only giving him excuses to fall further.

Showing empathy and an actual understanding of how he feels / what the issue might be isn’t enabling his behaviour, it’s just a little bit of decency and human kindness.

frederico · Apr 4, 2018

ICONO
When you have had many years experience, of tutoring truly vulnerable Students, in F2F situations,… and encouraging them to complete their Degees……then you can have the temerity to lecture me, from behind your screen

I offered a positive alternative…effectively ‘time out’ to reflect, and regroup…to really decide if your Parents expectations, are really your own ?

To make your own decision, be comfortable, and stand by it

The OP is an Adult, after all

I’m out now, from this conversation

In the first sentence of your post you called him a “shitehawk”and then you used your position of authority to TELL him that he wasn’t ready for further education. I don’t know if that really fits the definition of offering someone a positive alternative. Some might consider this unhelpful.

If as a teacher you feel that way about your students perhaps it’s you who should be considering your career choices? 😉

Kmart · Apr 4, 2018

U ulackfocus
Nice - twist my words to your agenda and then run with it. Plain & simple: I said if you need help, get it. The more you wallow in your own self pity, the deeper down the hole you go. Again, it's a personal choice to NOT do anything about it except feel sorry for yourself.

I have sympathy for animals and small children who can't control their situation. Normal adults can make their own choices and should do so. Stop blaming all these "diseases" and make yourself a better person.

I don't necessarily disagree with that assertion, but be fair, that's not really what you originally said. I think people are instead taking issue with this part of your reply...

U ulackfocus
being one of those self-motivating types, I just don't understand how people let themselves slide into continual depression. Life is wonderful people! Yeah, some of the mundane tasks suck, but 3 minutes standing in the sunshine on a nice day can cure months of drudgery. As Cher's character in Moonstruck said "SNAP OUT OF IT!". It can be that simple if you let it.

Depression is absolutely not "that simple". And depression absolutely is a disease. To say otherwise is insensitive and ignorant to those who struggle with it (yes, even those who have sought help from a professional; because believe it or not telling someone to stop and smell the roses and that "life really is wonderful!" doesn't really do much to cure depression).

BenBagbag · Apr 4, 2018

ICONO
When you have had many years experience, of tutoring truly vulnerable Students, in F2F situations,… and encouraging them to complete their Degees……then you can have the temerity to lecture me, from behind your screen

So, essentially, your argument now is that I need to better understand where you are coming before judging the content of your post and your perspective.

Maybe you should take the same approach with OP... ☕

gostang9 · Apr 4, 2018

To the OP, I wish you well.

This thread has turned surprisingly nasty, so here’s a watch!

michael22 · Apr 4, 2018

There is a variety of advice here. GuiltyBoomerang can pick & choose what suits him. All the advice is suitable for different individuals, & we don't really know which will benefit Boomerang the most.

My previous advice, to have a good think about the course you are in, is given from my own personal experience. I ended up dropping out from the course, taking a year to get my head in order, then choosing a longer, harder course that I stuck with & worked hard at. I still work with interest in that profession. Utterly different to the first course. This is essentially the advice ICONO gave. Yet a description of my behaviour would have matched Boomerang's closely. Similar behaviour is no guarantee I had the same underlying problems.

One further piece of advice: change your user name, here & elsewhere, if necessary. You probably should feel guilty about a lack of application, but it is not your name or who you are. Guilt is a temporary feeling, not a permanent state. Accept it temporarily, stop using it as an identity.

@ICONO

Jimos · Apr 4, 2018

This may be a speech about changing the world, but I believe the advice about making your bed at the beginning is great medicine for procrastination. Most people know something about that.

X350 XJR · Apr 4, 2018

Kmart
I don't necessarily disagree with that assertion, but be fair, that's not really what you originally said. I think people are instead taking issue with this part of your reply...

Depression is absolutely not "that simple". And depression absolutely is a disease. To say otherwise is insensitive and ignorant to those who struggle with it (yes, even those who have sought help from a professional; because believe it or not telling someone to stop and smell the roses and that "life really is wonderful!" doesn't really do much to cure depression).

As someone who battles major depression on an ongoing and prolonged basis, let me add my two cents.

Yes, it is most definitely a disease and one that has the potential to kill you! It's not a weakness, a defect or something to be ashamed of. Whatever your grasp of the disease may be, take those thoughts and imagine if you can it being 100 times worse. It's something I would not wish upon my worst enemy.

It's dark, ugly and soul sucking. I wake up in the morning not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to be alive, yet I do on most days, because if I do I can say I have done one thing that day.

Read here for my story on depression:

https://omegaforums.net/threads/because-we-need-to-talk-about-it.50844/

Larry S · Apr 4, 2018

Jimos
This may be a speech about changing the world, but I believe the advice about making your bed at the beginning is great medicine for procrastination. Most people know something about that.

This video was of great help to my ADHD kid.

M'Bob · Apr 4, 2018

ICONO
When you have had many years experience, of tutoring truly vulnerable Students, in F2F situations,… and encouraging them to complete their Degees……then you can have the temerity to lecture me, from behind your screen

I've taught college too, but that doesn't mean that my assessments about students are always correct.

I strenuously wanted to avoid appearances of piling on, but that notwithstanding: I believe your conclusions are inaccurate. The majority of opinions here, which I believe are closer to the truth, are that there is an underlying psychological issue which is being manifested in the OP's stated behavior. He doesn't need to examine his commitment to his studies or his school, any more than if this were to happen to him later in life, at a job, he would need to question whether he entered the right field. Procrastination is a behavior that often follows one all through life, regardless of the setting. And it continues until the person either understands the underpinnings, and/or seeks techniques to effectively mitigate the maladaptive actions.

Poppydog · Apr 4, 2018

U ulackfocus
Nice - twist my words to your agenda and then run with it. Plain & simple: I said if you need help, get it. The more you wallow in your own self pity, the deeper down the hole you go. Again, it's a personal choice to NOT do anything about it except feel sorry for yourself.

I have sympathy for animals and small children who can't control their situation. Normal adults can make their own choices and should do so. Stop blaming all these "diseases" and make yourself a better person.

That's it, I'm done commenting in a thread overrun by liberal "woe is me, it's not my fault" thinkers. Have all the last words you want, and help our OP rationalize his behavior. Your only giving him excuses to fall further.

Wow. Astonishing, hard to know where to start: empathy, not sympathy; "normal", whatever that means, and choices are not always so simple; ' "diseases" ' - does that mean you don't see mental health as a "disease"?; 'liberal "woe . . . thinkers" seems a disparaging over simplification. I know I've included a question here, but I really do hope you're "done" with this.

Procrastination, Depression, Paralysis - A Turning Point

frederico

ICONO

jumpingsecond

Poppydog

BenBagbag

LouS

turbo_muc

ulackfocus

ICONO

frederico

frederico

Kmart

BenBagbag

gostang9

michael22

Jimos

X350 XJR

Larry S

M'Bob

Poppydog

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