Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Darlinboy · Jan 16, 2019

I threw a boomerang for the first time last week. It didn't come back.

Now I live in constant fear.

STANDY · Jan 16, 2019

Darlinboy
I threw a boomerang for the first time last week. It didn't come back.

Now I live in constant fear.

Boomerang joke in thread below 😁

https://omegaforums.net/threads/anyone-else-collect-knives.30905/page-8#post-892068

Canuck · Jan 16, 2019

Darlinboy
I threw a boomerang for the first time last week. It didn't come back.

Now I live in constant fear.

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back? This is a repeat of a question on this MB from some time ago.

Canuck · Jan 16, 2019

Then there was the cross-eyed seamstress who couldn’t mend straight!

Darlinboy · Jan 16, 2019

You don't need a parachute to go skydiving.

Unless you want to go twice. ::rimshot::

Darlinboy · Jan 16, 2019

My grandfather has the heart of a lion....

and a lifetime ban from the zoo. ::rimshot::

Wryfox · Jan 17, 2019

AN IRISH BLONDE IN A CASINO

An attractive blonde from Cork, Ireland arrived at the casino.

She seemed a little intoxicated and bet twenty-thousand Euros on a single roll of the dice.

She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm completely nude'.

With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and with an Irish brogue yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!'

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!'

She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded.

Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?'
The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.'

MORAL OF THE STORY -
Not all Irish are drunks, not all blondes are dumb, but all men...are men.

Darlinboy · Jan 19, 2019

Why do dogs need a license and cats don’t?😕

‘Cause cats can’t drive! ::psy::

JimInOz · Jan 19, 2019

@Daniel23456 getting to 200 posts.

Vercingetorix · Jan 19, 2019

‘Cause cats can’t drive! ::psy::

I beg to differ.

alam · Jan 20, 2019

JimInOz
@Daniel23456 getting to 200 posts.

Darlinboy · Jan 20, 2019

A college literature professor gave her class this assignment... write a short story in as few words as possible, but containing three essential themes:

1. Religion
2. Sexuality
3. Mystery

One student submitted the following, earning the only A+ in the class...

"My God, I'm pregnant! I wonder who did it?"

Darlinboy · Jan 20, 2019

An young cowboy was sitting at the local bar nursing his beer after a long day at the ranch.

A very attractive woman sauntered in, sat down next to him, ordered a beer and, noticing how he was dressed, turned to him and asked, 'Hey, are you a real cowboy?'

He turned to her, “Well, I have spent my whole life herding cattle, mending fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, and breaking horses on my family’s ranch, so yes, I am definitely a real cowboy.”

Taking a sip of her beer she said, “That’s really cool, I never met a real cowboy before.”

Eyeing her up and down, and thinking he might take advantage of the situation, the cowboy continued, “Well what about you, what’s your story?”

Noticing his obvious interest, and wanting to set him straight, she replied, “Me? Well, I’m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women.”

The two sat for a few moments sipping in silence, then the woman finished her beer & left, bidding the cowboy a good night.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the cowboy, ordered a beer and, noticing how he was dressed turned to him and asked, “Hey, are you a real cowboy?'

The cowboy downed the rest of his beer, and looking up reflectively replied, 'Well... I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian.”