Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Canuck
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Otherwise known as funny” bone”? I once worked fo a retail jeweller in Saskatchewan. We had an agency as a provincial Issuer of Marriage Licenses. One day, a young couple came in for their license. I asked the girl for her father’s name. Doetzel, was the answer. First name? Humerus, was the reply. I smiled. First name, I asked.? Humerus, that’s his first name. Never forget it.
 
Darlinboy
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Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?

Sales Rep: For what?

Customer: No, two.

Sales Rep: Two what?

Customer: Yes.

Sales Rep: No.
 
Darlinboy
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Two antennas got married - the wedding was lousy, but the reception was outstanding. ::rimshot::
 
Darlinboy
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are all given identical rubber balls and told to find the volume. They are given anything they want to measure it, and have all the time they need.

The mathematician pulls out a measuring tape and records the circumference. He then divides by two times pi to get the radius, cubes that, multiplies by pi again, and then multiplies by four-thirds and thereby calculates the volume.

The physicist gets a bucket of water, places 1.00000 gallons of water in the bucket, drops in the ball, and measures the displacement to six significant figures.


And the engineer? He writes down the serial number of the ball, and looks it up.
 
time flies
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A stagehand, an artist and an engineer are picked to take part in a experiment. All three are given four identical 12 inch/305 mm hollow glass orbs. All are told to arrange the orbs in a pleasing configuration. All are given two hours to complete the task. Two hours later the monitor returns to find: the artist has arranged them in such a way as to appear to defy gravity. The engineer has arranged them into a triangle (the most perfect of all forms.) The stagehand has broken three, the fourth is missing (he claims the stage manager said he could have it.) And... he's asking where his t-shirt is.

For all my stage and roadhand friends. (Who cares about engineers.)

have fun
kfw
 
Canuck
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Canuck Canuck
Otherwise known as funny” bone”? I once worked fo a retail jeweller in Saskatchewan. We had an agency as a provincial Issuer of Marriage Licenses. One day, a young couple came in for their license. I asked the girl for her father’s name. Doetzel, was the answer. First name? Humerus, was the reply. I smiled. First name, I asked.? Humerus, that’s his first name. Never forget it.

Memory dims. The guy’s name wasn’t Humerus, it was Hilarius!:whipped: How could I have made that mistake? Humerus, Hilarius, they’re both funny names. Maybe that’s how.
 
jimmyd13
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Darlinboy Darlinboy
Customer: Do you have any two-watt, 4-volt bulbs?

Sales Rep: For what?

Customer: No, two.

Sales Rep: Two what?

Customer: Yes.

Sales Rep: No.
Even if you've seen it many times before, it's worth the watch:
 
haqq777
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My 4 and a half year old told me this and we both couldn't stop laughing.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey!
 
Darlinboy
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I once ate a watch...

It was time consuming. ::rimshot::
 
Watchgurl
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haqq777 haqq777
My 4 and a half year old told me this and we both couldn't stop laughing.

What did the pirate say when he turned 80 years old?

Aye matey!
Too funny and cute! They are precious at this age. Wait till they grow up a bit, lol
 
nonono
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Here's one that's short and sweet..
What did the sign outside the out-of-business brothel say?
"beat it. We're closed"
 
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