One gorgeous Saturday morning, Tony headed over to the supermarket to pick up a few things for he and his wife to cook a nice dinner together - they were going to make pasta from scratch and he was looking forward to it. As he was picking out tomatoes in the vegetable section, he noticed a very attractive woman waving at him with a friendly smile. She pushed her cart over closer and said, "Hi there," tilting her head a bit and looking at him questioningly. Surprised by the attention, and unsure what was up, Tony says, "Um, hi yourself ... do I know you from somewhere?" "Wasn't sure you'd remember me" she said with a sigh, "but you're the father of one of my boys." Shocked, Tony gaped at her as his mind traveled back to the one and only time he had ever been unfaithful to his wife. Stuttering a bit he said, "Oh my god ... it can't be ... are you that stripper from my bachelor party that I made love to on the pool table while your partner doused us both with whipped cream and my buddies cheered?" Her smile faded as she replied.... "No, we met a few weeks ago at the open house.... I'm your son's second grade teacher!"
Said POTUS (President of the United States) to the Russian leader,"Get out of the Ukraine or it will be a sad day for you." Replied PFLOR (President for Life of Russia) rolling his eyes, "Crimea river."
Two chimpanzees were having a bath. One said, “Oo, oo, oo, aah, aah ,ahh.” The other replied, “Well, put some cold in it then.”
The spaghetti I bought on eBay turned out to be a plastic fake….. I have sent it back and told them it was an Impasta….. .