Right here in my neck of the woods. They have a whole series of signs: "People have more fun in Uranus", "Treats in Uranus will have you lickin' your lips", etc.etc. I'm not real proud of my State these days, won't spend a dime on education or healthcare. Unfortunately, this qualifies for the "tell me a joke" thread.
A woman arrived at a party & while scanning the guests she spotted an attractive man standing alone. She approached him smiled and said, "Hello. My name is Carmen." "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "As a matter of fact I gave it to myself. It represents the things that I enjoy the most - cars and men. Therefore I chose Carmen." "What's your name?" she asked. He answered "B.J. Titsengolf."
I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I just turned 60.) A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you think I'll live to be 90 ?' He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer or wine?' 'Oh no,' I replied.. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!' Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs? 'I said, 'Not much... My former doctor said that all red meat is very unhealthy!' 'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?' 'No, I don't,' I said. He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?' 'No,' I said. He looked at me and said,... 'Then, why do you even give a shit ?
"I think my family is racist," lamented Tony to his buddy Fred as they sat at the bar having a pint. "Why do you say that?" asked his buddy Fred, taking a swig and looking at Tony curiously. "Well, I brought my Asian girlfriend home for dinner last night," responded Tony. "And my wife and kids were unbelievably rude to her!"
A young whale asked his dad where baby whales come from.... Dad: “Well Son, when a mommy whale and a daddy whale love each other very much they make a baby whale.” Son: “Aww that's sweet, thanks dad!” Dad: “You’re whale cum, son!”