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Canuck
·As he gasps his last breath, a man looks up to find the Grim Reaper standing over him, beside him a carriage hitched to a skeletal horse, ready to transport him to the afterlife. Growing anxious over his ultimate destination, he asks the Reaper about what happens next.
Death replies, “Well, you were a good man on earth, faithful to your wife, a loving father. And for the most part, trod the straight and narrow, but were repentent when you did not. Your reward will be Heaven, where you will enjoy eternal youth and may do or have anything your heart desires.
“Wow,” the man says he gets in to the carriage for the journey, "that's wonderful news!”
Upon arriving in the afterlife, Death announces that he has to go and speak to St Peter and do a bit of processing paperwork, so the man is left alone for a while in the Grim Reaper’s office.
Settling down on Death’s cushioned sofa (which was quite luxurious and comfortable by the way) the man thinks about what he wants to do when he gets to Heaven. He could eat all of the delicious foods he never got to try on earth, drive the fastest sports cars, live in the finest house - heck he could even be a care-free child again.
He lingers on that final thought for a moment - it's so appealing - to be able to run around all day with no responsibilities, to play, to be silly, with nobody judging him. With growing enthusiasm, the man stands up and begins bouncing up and down on the sofa excitedly, saying “goodie! goodie! goodie!” over and over again.
Death walks back into the office, and seeing the man bouncing on his sofa screams, “Just what do you think you’re doing!”
"I'm having the time of my life, or should I say time of my death?!!" the man says, grinning and bouncing higher still. “Whee!!! this is so fun!”
Just then the sofa, stressed to the limit, tears open - fabric ripping, stuffing bursting out and into the air as the man caroms off to the floor, coming to rest in a heap with the tatters drifting over him like a gentle snow.
Death is furious and roars at the man, “ Do. You. Have. ANY idea how rare and expensive that sofa was!!! I will have to spend eons searching to find another of its equal!!”
“Oh no!” says the man, quite embarassed, “It’s just that I was getting such a kick out of acting like a kid again.”
Scowling angrily, the Grim Reaper silently motions to the man to follow. They leave Death’s office, climb back in the carriage, and resume their journey. Arriving at an elaborately decorated gate, Death motions to it and says “Go inside, they will tell you what to do from here.”
As the man enters through the gate, he is horrified to find Satan waiting for him with an evil grin, whisps of brimstone encircling his horrific form, a flaming trident in one hand and a whip fashioned from writhing venomous snakes in the other.
“Welcome to Hell!” cried Satan, throwing back his head and cackling madly.
"Hell!?" the man splutters and moans, “Wait, no! No! Noooooo! I was told I was going to Heaven, there must have been some kind of mistake!”
"Unfortunately for you that is not the case. You see, in life, you were a good man,” Satan gloated. “However, the time you spent waiting in Death’s office was a final test.”
“And there,” Satan continued, “You behaved recklessly, with absolutely no thought or consideration for the Reaper cushions!"
It took me a while! Repercussions! Very good!
