SOCCER I need to vent....badly

Martin_J_N

This is why I was very very happy when my son who had been playing football since 6 asked at 13 if he could stop as he wasn't enjoying it anymore, why? Don't like the atmosphere, parents interfering, not supporting the players, slagging them off when something goes wrong all that kind of stuff, all the stuff that I saw sitting on the sidelines watching, all the stuff that made me quit as an assistant coach a year before, now my son had seen it, didn't like what he saw and wanted out.

My son took up athletics, where your abilities determine how far you get but most clubs are in leagues where you can have A, B or C string runners allowing everyone the chance to get involved and have fun, parents are great and supportive and not judgemental. The kids even more supportive, helping each other, encouraging each other, working together, awesome atmosphere, really enjoyable.

Fun, the most important aspect of kids sport and something that goes missing as the kids get older when football is involved, it was great when playing 7 a side but as soon as 11 a side came along the atmosphere changed, suddenly parents are now world class referees, their eyesight better than an eagle's, their knowledge of the rules better than those who made them, booing the opposition (a real low in my book), refusing to allow their child to shake hands at the end as they were upset with the result.

Its parents that ruin sport for their children, I remember a game where the referee had had to send off a player from the home team for punching one of our players, who was left needing hospital treatment and stitches for a split lip, what had our player done to deserve this, simply scored a goal, the opposing kid didn't like being on the losing side so reacted, his father stood across the pitch shouting well done to his son, when the referee sent the boy off the parent came marching onto the pitch and started punching the referee. Result match abandoned, the league thank fully took the right action, both the player and parent were banned from all league matches for 3 years and the club was docked 20 points which meant they were relegated and banned from having spectators at matches for the rest of the season, parents could take their kids to matches but had to sit in the cars until the game was over, only the coach and assistant coach were allowed to stand on the touchline.

I feel for you having to put up with this but it is all too frequent, I often wonder how junior football survives when there are incidents like this.

gostang9

I understand and appreciate your post. My daughter has played recreational house-league for the past 7 years, finishing with U15 this year. She was nominated by her coaches (amazing wife/husband combo who have been excellent for her and coached her every year) to become a Junior Ref / AR. She took the course, studied hard and was hired to ref games. In her first night out, they didn't have enough refs and so needed someone to step in. She was supposed to be AR for a while before being head ref. Anyhow, being the brave young 14 year old she is, she agreed to Ref. Over the course of this past season, as parents we have become aware of just how difficult the position is. She's been lucky that the local house league is very supportive and stands firmly behind their Refs, but it still isn't easy dealing with difficult coaches and parents.


Yeah, this is how I see it too. Most "coaches" are simply parents who agreed to help out.

I always shake my head when people blame the new generation of kids for everything. It's US, the parents who are to blame for our children. They are the result of what we teach and guide them, or don't teach and guide them. And how WE the parents are, is a direct result of how our parents taught and guided us. Why blame the kids? 😕

Also, I see a ton of great kids, who work hard, care for each other and are great humans. Every generation is filled with many more great 'people' than bad, you'll see what you look for...

michael22

I wasn't bullying, I was just....

I don't think signs would work in my area. People can't even agree what bullying is anymore.

STANDY

What's the saying
Never work with kids or animals.....

gostang9

I'm not sure I agree it's a great job, at least not for all (maybe most?) kids. Our daughter happens to have an over-abundance of self-confidence and is a stickler for rules regardless of opposition. She takes learning seriously, studies hard and is able to pick up and remember a lot of information. Given her natural strengths and personality, she took to the referee job much better than my wife or I would. She faced a lot of difficulties based on the exact challenge you described so well. Many kids (and adults, like myself) are not suited for such a challenging thankless role, and we're all fortunate for people like yourself who are willing to do it.

There is so much going on during a game, and the Head Ref has to process everything very quickly, then be very decisive when they perceive anything actionable. There is no chance any human can do this perfectly, and both sets of opposing coaches, teams and spectator parents are watching every move looking for anything that doesn't favor their own team.

Ultimately, our daughter enjoyed it and she plans to do it again next year. She was paid $20 cash at the end of each game, whether HR or AR, and this tangible immediate reward was enough to compensate for any nonsense on the field. Next summer she plans to also work full weeks as a day-camp leader at the local community center, and I'm not sure the $20 per game will be as compelling when she's getting paid for a full 40 hour week somewhere else. We'll see...

BlackTalon

There were very few issues like this in my youth, as most parents did not stay for the soccer games -- especially if there were any good football games on TV that day. Even for the first couple of years I was on a 'traveling team', it was normal for the parents to arrange car pools so as few of them as possible needed to actually be there at the field. So these days with almost full parent participation things are a bit different. Plus a lot more parents here in the US know/ understand soccer, vs when I was a kid, so they are a bit more, uh, opinionated.

As far as what age is appropriate for red and yellow cards, I suspect that is laid out be each particular league. In this instance it sounds like the kids were more than old enough. The main issue was with the coach, and his taking advantage of the young referee, Ideally the main ref would have just reported the coach to the league in after the game, and they could have dealt with him. And he would have issued the coach a red card (and maybe some of the parents). It would have been a shame if he took his team off the field, but ultimately he would have had to deal with the repercussions. That coach is going to kill the fun in playing for many players, both on his team and on opposing teams.

EDIT: Since we are talking soccer, I am on the hunt for a vintage soccer Seamaster. I was roped into being an assistant coach for my son's U7 team this season, and I suspect I will be on tap for several years, so I really need to look the part 😎

gostang9

I'm not sure I agree it's a great job, at least not for all (maybe most?) kids. Our daughter happens to have an over-abundance of self-confidence and is a stickler for rules regardless of opposition. She takes learning seriously, studies hard and is able to pick up and remember a lot of information. Given her natural strengths and personality, she took to the referee job much better than my wife or I would. She faced a lot of difficulties based on the exact challenge you described so well. Many kids (and adults, like myself) are not suited for such a challenging thankless role, and we're all fortunate for people like yourself who are willing to do it.

There is so much going on during a game, and the Head Ref has to process everything very quickly, then be very decisive when they perceive anything actionable. There is no chance any human can do this perfectly, and both sets of opposing coaches, teams and spectator parents are watching every move looking for anything that doesn't favor their own team.

Ultimately, our daughter enjoyed it and she plans to do it again next year. She was paid $20 cash at the end of each game, whether HR or AR, and this tangible immediate reward was enough to compensate for any nonsense on the field. Next summer she plans to also work full weeks as a day-camp leader at the local community center, and I'm not sure the $20 per game will be as compelling when she's getting paid for a full 40 hour week somewhere else. We'll see...

BlackTalon

In my 20s and 30s, no doubt we were verbally abusive to referees. Not as bad as to opponents, though. Probably the biggest issue was in the leagues where there was only a single ref, so they would miss a bit if stuff. As far as getting physical though, that was typically only between players in all of my year of playing. The only time a team went after a ref my team all jumped in and interceded on his behalf.