Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

M'Bob · Aug 21, 2022

Canuck
Referring of course to Tanya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan, the figure skaters that had a very public dust-up, many years ago. Did Harding do jail time for assault? I don’t remember.

“For 24 years, Tonya Harding has adamantly denied that she knew anything of a plan to injure figure skating rival Nancy Kerrigan on Jan. 6, 1994. However, in a special called "Truth and Lies: The Tonya Harding Story" on ABC, Harding finally confessed that that wasn't exactly the case. In the special, which aired Thursday night, Harding confessed that she had an inkling of the plan between her ex-husband Jeff Gillooly and his friend, Shawn Eckardt, to attack Kerrigan prior to the 1994 Olympics.”

Darlinboy · Aug 21, 2022

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar...

and doesn't.

Tony C. · Aug 22, 2022

4th place finisher in the recent 2022 Edinburgh festival fringe:

By my age, my parents had a house and a family, and to be fair to me, so do I, but it is the same house and the same family.

- Hannah Fairweather

M'Bob · Aug 22, 2022

Meteorology really is a science:

Vercingetorix · Aug 22, 2022

Donko1100 · Aug 22, 2022

MESSAGE
Lost is found dog! I ask the owners to call those who found it!

Canuck · Aug 22, 2022

I’m not so much green as cabbage looking!

sheepdoll · Aug 22, 2022

Darlinboy
Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar...

Heisenburg and Schrodinger are pulled over by a traffic cop.

"Do you know how fast you are going?"
No, but I know exactly where I am.

"I am going to have to check the trunk. What is in the box?"
You will know when you open it.

TimeODanaos · Aug 22, 2022

** Heisenberg gag re-activation alert **

TimeODanaos
Late on, this electron is driving down the highway, gets pulled over.
"Sir, do you know just what speed you were doing back there? No? Well, take a look here."
"Oh, thanks a bunch officer" says the electron, "Before, I was running late - now, I'm lost as well!"

Tony C. · Aug 23, 2022

M'Bob · Aug 23, 2022

Pun · Aug 23, 2022

Subject: Blonde
One hot summer day, a blonde came to town with her dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked,

'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?'

The blonde said it was hers.

'Your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said.

The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree.'

The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.'

'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this morning.'

The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!'

(You gotta love this)

The blonde looked at the cop and said, 'Well, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'