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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

Canuck
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What is the similarity between a Singer sewing machine, and a go-go dancer?……….They both only got one bobbin.

Why do not take a picnic lunch to the beach?……..Because of the sand which is there!
 
Canuck
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To our American contingent.

To have a happy 4th, don’t have a 5th on the 3rd!
 
pdxleaf
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Canuck Canuck
To our American contingent.

To have a happy 4th, don’t have a 5th on the 3rd!

I 2nd the 5th.
 
RI Omega Fan
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Canuck Canuck
To our American contingent.

To have a happy 4th, don’t have a 5th on the 3rd!

Reminds me of a classic Dave Chappelle skit:

Edited:
 
Scarecrow Boat
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wsfarrell wsfarrell
A couple of helpful car ideas.
1. Avoiding tickets.
Last year on my way to work I had seen the license plate WVWVWVW and on another day I had seen WMWMWMW and I thought it was a great idea. When you drive the same route daily you see the same drivers and I wondered if it was the same person in two different cars.
 
Darlinboy
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Q. What is the opposite of Tony?

A. Finger elbow.
 
lindo
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This is an old one (probably somewhere earlier in this long thread), but it crossed my screen again today and made me laugh all over again. So I decided to share it anyway.

The Ultimate Male Fairy Tale


Once upon a time a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after

And rode motorcycles

And dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,

And hunted and fished

And raced cars, and went to titty bars

And dated ladies half his age

And drank whisky, beer, and Captain Morgan,

And never heard any bitching

And never paid child support or alimony,

And dated cheerleaders

And kept his house, his fine watches and his guns,

And ate spam, potato chips and beans,

And blew enormous farts,

And never got cheated on while he was at work,

And he had lots of dogs

And all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell,

And he had tons of money in the bank,

And left the toilet seat up.



The End
 
ConElPueblo
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lindo lindo
This is an old one (probably somewhere earlier in this long thread), but it crossed my screen again today and made me laugh all over again. So I decided to share it anyway.

The Ultimate Male Fairy Tale


Once upon a time a Prince asked a beautiful Princess, "Will you marry me?" The Princess immediately said, "No!"


And the Prince lived happily ever after

And rode motorcycles

And dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,

And hunted and fished

And raced cars, and went to titty bars

And dated ladies half his age

And drank whisky, beer, and Captain Morgan,

And never heard any bitching

And never paid child support or alimony,

And dated cheerleaders

And kept his house, his fine watches and his guns,

And ate spam, potato chips and beans,

And blew enormous farts,

And never got cheated on while he was at work,

And he had lots of dogs

And all his friends and family thought he was cool as hell,

And he had tons of money in the bank,

And left the toilet seat up.



The End

He sounds like an absolute twat. I think the princess dodged one there...
 
Omegafanman
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ConElPueblo ConElPueblo
He sounds like an absolute twat. I think the princess dodged one there...

@ConElPueblo - Where did you learn to write / speak English? I see some polyglots here with impressively fluent language skills, but your Shakespearean, mother tongue like grasp of the English vernacular is a tad uncanny …
Edited:
 
blufinz52
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I was recently thinking about generational shifts in name popularity. For example, this year, Olivia and Noah are the most popular names.

Or, the fact that, today, there really aren't many people who are named "Lance." But, in medieval times, people were named Lance a lot.
 
M'Bob
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SYMPATHETIC HUBBY

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook. "
 
blufinz52
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Aussies: Believe you should look out for your mates.
Brits: Believe that you should look out for those people who belong to your club.
Americans: Believe that people should look out for and take care of themselves.
Canadians: Believe that that is the government’s job.
 
Pun
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Indians: Believe that all is well and there is nothing to worry about.
 
Fretworker
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QP444-b7ce9228-12a7-4ba3-b785-76fccf57dcc6.jpg
 
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