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guwipa
·
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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Twocats
··Married... with childrenOn a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule where they alternate sexy time with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to
the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the
Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the
American woman talks continuously about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men, after apologizing profusely to each other, have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish men began by dividing the island into North and South and seting up a coconut distillery. After the first few litres of coconut whiskey they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any.
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule where they alternate sexy time with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to
the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the
Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the
American woman talks continuously about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men, after apologizing profusely to each other, have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish men began by dividing the island into North and South and seting up a coconut distillery. After the first few litres of coconut whiskey they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any.
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styggpyggeno1
·On a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded:
2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
2 French men and 1 French woman
2 German men and 1 German woman
2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman
2 English men and 1 English woman
2 Bulgarian men and 1 Polish woman
2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman
2 American men and 1 American woman
2 Australian men and 1 Australian woman
2 New Zealand men and 1 New Zealand woman
2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman
One month later, the following things have occurred:
One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman.
The two French men and the French woman are living happily together, having loads of sex.
The two German men have a strict weekly schedule where they alternate sexy time with the German woman.
The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is
cleaning and cooking for them.
The two Englishmen are waiting for someone to introduce them to
the English woman.
The Bulgarian men took a long look at the endless ocean and one look at the
Bulgarian woman and started swimming.
The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide while the
American woman talks continuously about her body being her own, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything that they can do, about the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her much nicer, and how her relationship with her mother is improving.
The two Japanese men, after apologizing profusely to each other, have faxed Tokyo and are waiting for instructions.
The two Australian men beat each other senseless for the Australian woman, who is checking out all the other men, after calling them both "bloody wankers".
Both New Zealand men are searching the island for sheep.
The Irish men began by dividing the island into North and South and seting up a coconut distillery. After the first few litres of coconut whiskey they do not remember if sex is in the picture, but they are satisfied that at least the English are not getting any.
I cannot see any Swedes in this joke. Therefore, I am contributing the following - and I am not joking at all:
2 Swedish males and 1 Swedish woman
Not one month later but immediately the group decides to elect one of them leader based on who is most likely to know things helping them survive and escape the island - regardless of gender. This time it was the woman. Sex is not their main objective being stranded on an island but If they do have sex it will be consensual.
Then they use the rest of the month building a raft, letting them escape the rest - as they are having their own strategy fighting corona.
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Pun
·
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Charlemagne1333
·Mickey Mouse is in a meeting with his lawyer...
Lawyer: “So, Mr. Mouse, it says here you want to divorce Minnie because she is... very silly?”
Mickey Mouse: “No, I said she was fυcking Goofy.”
Lawyer: “So, Mr. Mouse, it says here you want to divorce Minnie because she is... very silly?”
Mickey Mouse: “No, I said she was fυcking Goofy.”
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Engee
·
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OMTOM
·Regarding 'Jiskefet - English Sports': brilliant, thanks @SpeedyPhill. It's so rare to find the event filmed. Of course there would be an international series - but nobody else plays (and anyway, they'd lose).
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Ascalon
·Two Dublin tough guys are standing on a street corner, when tourist in a car stops.
"Ablex des espagnole?" he inquires, to be met with shrugs of ignorance.
"Parlez vous francais?" he tries. Again, to no avail.
"Sprechen sie deutsch, bitte?" he asks, somewhat exasperated.
The pair, blow out their cheeks and turn away sheepishly. The tourist drives off in frustration.
After a quiet moment, one turns to the other.
"That's disgraceful, we really should be able to speak another language."
"Why?" says his mate. "Didn't do him any good, did it?"
"Ablex des espagnole?" he inquires, to be met with shrugs of ignorance.
"Parlez vous francais?" he tries. Again, to no avail.
"Sprechen sie deutsch, bitte?" he asks, somewhat exasperated.
The pair, blow out their cheeks and turn away sheepishly. The tourist drives off in frustration.
After a quiet moment, one turns to the other.
"That's disgraceful, we really should be able to speak another language."
"Why?" says his mate. "Didn't do him any good, did it?"
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Pun
·What Will You Have...
Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him
“If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $40 to Sally, $40 to Susan and $50 to Amy, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.
Little Johnny was in his maths class one day when the teacher said to him
“If I gave you $200," the teacher began," and you gave $50 to Mary, $40 to Sally, $40 to Susan and $50 to Amy, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered.
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Pun
·
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schoolboy
·What watch does Christian Grey from "50 Shades of Grey" prefer to wear?
a JLC Master Control of course 😎
a JLC Master Control of course 😎
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pongster
·What watch does Christian Grey from "50 Shades of Grey" prefer to wear?
a JLC Master Control of course 😎
i thought he may fancy a Ulysse Nardin Erotica. 😀
https://www.forbes.com/sites/robert...tic-watch-ulysse-nardins-nsfw-classic-voyeur/
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lindo
·
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Mad Cow
·What go in hard and dry, come out soft and wet?
Gum! Now get mind from gutter! 🤦
Gum! Now get mind from gutter! 🤦
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schoolboy
·i thought he may fancy a Ulysse Nardin Erotica. 😀
https://www.forbes.com/sites/robert...tic-watch-ulysse-nardins-nsfw-classic-voyeur/
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pongster
·
maybe same attic as where this was found -
https://omegaforums.net/threads/strangest-case-back-dedication-inscription-ever.120309/
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Charlemagne1333
·I don’t trust stairs
They’re always up to something
They’re always up to something
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pongster
·A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time.
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow men."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a wall”
So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was, walking slowly up to the holy site.
She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane and moving very slowly, she approached him for an interview.
"Pardon me, sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN. What's your name?
"Morris Feinberg," he replied.
"Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?"
"For about 60 years."
"60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?"
"I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims."
"I pray for all the wars and all the hatred to stop."
"I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults and to love their fellow men."
"I pray that politicians tell us the truth and put the interests of the people ahead of their own interests."
"How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?"
"Like I'm talking to a wall”
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Charlemagne1333
·Light travels faster than sound
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
