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rob#1
·A topical meme for Fathers’ Day in Australia - Happy Dads’ Day dads!
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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RI Omega Fan
·A soldier survived mustard gas in battle, and then pepper spray by the police. He's now a seasoned veteran.
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blufinz52
··Hears dead people, not watch rotors.
Confucius say, "Woman who flies plane upside down, has crack up."
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Buck2466
·
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Pun
·
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Pun
·
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lindo
·MODERN JOURNALISM EXPLAINED
Political writer: Responsible for writing deeply incisive and detailed analyses of political party games which most readers regard as unrelated to the real world.
Investigative reporter: Responsible for spending months of detailed research in order to present an expose of immoral, unethical or illegal conduct by influential people, who routinely dismiss all factual findings as lies, after which the story dies.
Business writer: Responsible for converting press releases from government, banks and other financial institutions into readable copy.
Foreign correspondent: A person sent to other countries to remind readers how good they have it here.
Environment writer: Someone whose articles about mankind's degradation of the planet are published on tree corpses.
Television news: News items read out loud and accompanied by moving pictures and brief interviews of bewildered bystanders. A free service for the illiterate.
Headline: Brief sequence of words contrived to catch the eye of those readers too lazy or stupid to read the article.
Sub-editor: Responsible for article headlines, not necessarily having fully read the article concerned - see above.
Opinion pages: In most papers, those pages in which columnists offer their opinions. In certain publications, every single page of the paper.
Sports columnist: Someone who holds incredibly bold and strikingly fearless opinions about people who chase balls around a park.
Pay TV: A marketing experiment designed to discover whether people are stupid enough to exchange cash for witless reality home improvement shows.
Health writer: Someone who only writes about disease.
Television writer: Someone who writes about something most people can't even be bothered talking about.
Copy: So named because it is usually updated from previous stories or TV news.
Horoscope: For those readers who passionately believe that huge, gaseous, fiery orbs in space somehow have direct influences on their daily lives.
Political writer: Responsible for writing deeply incisive and detailed analyses of political party games which most readers regard as unrelated to the real world.
Investigative reporter: Responsible for spending months of detailed research in order to present an expose of immoral, unethical or illegal conduct by influential people, who routinely dismiss all factual findings as lies, after which the story dies.
Business writer: Responsible for converting press releases from government, banks and other financial institutions into readable copy.
Foreign correspondent: A person sent to other countries to remind readers how good they have it here.
Environment writer: Someone whose articles about mankind's degradation of the planet are published on tree corpses.
Television news: News items read out loud and accompanied by moving pictures and brief interviews of bewildered bystanders. A free service for the illiterate.
Headline: Brief sequence of words contrived to catch the eye of those readers too lazy or stupid to read the article.
Sub-editor: Responsible for article headlines, not necessarily having fully read the article concerned - see above.
Opinion pages: In most papers, those pages in which columnists offer their opinions. In certain publications, every single page of the paper.
Sports columnist: Someone who holds incredibly bold and strikingly fearless opinions about people who chase balls around a park.
Pay TV: A marketing experiment designed to discover whether people are stupid enough to exchange cash for witless reality home improvement shows.
Health writer: Someone who only writes about disease.
Television writer: Someone who writes about something most people can't even be bothered talking about.
Copy: So named because it is usually updated from previous stories or TV news.
Horoscope: For those readers who passionately believe that huge, gaseous, fiery orbs in space somehow have direct influences on their daily lives.
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- 2,594
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- 5,278
Charlemagne1333
·Two drunk women sneak into a graveyard for some urgent micturition.
One uses her knickers to wipe with, and then throws them away. The other one uses a ribbon from a wreath.
The following day, one husband calls the other: “My wife rolled in last night not wearing any underwear.”
“That’s nothing, my wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, “From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.”
One uses her knickers to wipe with, and then throws them away. The other one uses a ribbon from a wreath.
The following day, one husband calls the other: “My wife rolled in last night not wearing any underwear.”
“That’s nothing, my wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, “From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.”
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RonJ
·Love and marriage ...
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- 180
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jove14
·Two drunk women sneak into a graveyard for some urgent micturition.
One uses her knickers to wipe with, and then throws them away. The other one uses a ribbon from a wreath.
The following day, one husband calls the other: “My wife rolled in last night not wearing any underwear.”
“That’s nothing, my wife had a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, “From all of us at the fire station, we’ll never forget you.”
Joe
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pdxleaf
·Stop me if you've heard this, which you probably have because it's an old one...
Two women are walking home from a wedding party when they see a man in a kilt passed out by the side of the road. They recognize him from the party so walk up to him and see that he is out cold.
One of the ladies says to the other, "I wonder if it's true what they say, that they don't wear any knickers under there?"
To which the other replies, "Well, there's one way to find out!"
So they lift up his kilt, and sure as day, he's as free as God made him.
They decide they can't leave him lay there like that and should play a trick on him. One of the ladies has a big, blue bow in her hair, so they take that out of her hair and tie it around his member.
The next morning the man wakes up groggily and staggers to the side to relieve himself. He lifts his kilt and is startled to see a large blue, ribbon tied around his private parts.
He recovers quickly and says aloud proudly, "Well, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize!"
Two women are walking home from a wedding party when they see a man in a kilt passed out by the side of the road. They recognize him from the party so walk up to him and see that he is out cold.
One of the ladies says to the other, "I wonder if it's true what they say, that they don't wear any knickers under there?"
To which the other replies, "Well, there's one way to find out!"
So they lift up his kilt, and sure as day, he's as free as God made him.
They decide they can't leave him lay there like that and should play a trick on him. One of the ladies has a big, blue bow in her hair, so they take that out of her hair and tie it around his member.
The next morning the man wakes up groggily and staggers to the side to relieve himself. He lifts his kilt and is startled to see a large blue, ribbon tied around his private parts.
He recovers quickly and says aloud proudly, "Well, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize!"
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- 1,698
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- 1,653
kkt
·Stop me if you've heard this, which you probably have because it's an old one...
Two women are walking home from a wedding party when they see a man in a kilt passed out by the side of the road. They recognize him from the party so walk up to him and see that he is out cold.
One of the ladies says to the other, "I wonder if it's true what they say, that they don't wear any knickers under there?"
To which the other replies, "Well, there's one way to find out!"
So they lift up his kilt, and sure as day, he's as free as God made him.
They decide they can't leave him lay there like that and should play a trick on him. One of the ladies has a big, blue bow in her hair, so they take that out of her hair and tie it around his member.
The next morning the man wakes up groggily and staggers to the side to relieve himself. He lifts his kilt and is startled to see a large blue, ribbon tied around his private parts.
He recovers quickly and says aloud proudly, "Well, I don't know where you've been, but I see you won first prize!"
An oldie but a goodie. A friend of mine from college had a great delivery, including a pretty good Scots accent.
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schoolboy
·The amount we tell our wives we paid is the real joke.
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Yves-
·My friend made a belt out of a collection of watches. What a waist of time, he was told
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- 36,623
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaA real southern gentleman went to Las Vegas. Sitting in a cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress and said quietly,
"Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and said,
"Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, " replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all.
But where ah come from in Alebamha, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink...... ."
"Miss, y'all sure are a luvly, luvly lady. Can ah persuade y'all to give me a piece of ass?"
"Wow, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. Then she looked around the room, smiled and said,
"Sure, why not? You're an attractive guy too, and it's pretty slow here right now, so why don't we just slip away up to your room?"
When they returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress smiled at him and asked, "Will there be anything else?"
"Why yes, " replied the southern gentleman. "Ah sure 'preciate what y'all just did for me. It was real sweet and right neighbourly of y'all.
But where ah come from in Alebamha, we lack our bourbon real cold, so ah still need a piece of ass for mah drink...... ."
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vitriol
·
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- 29,119
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerI always say, it's a lada car for the money! 😉
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guwipa
·
