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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
And if you are not careful, they will take you down in a hurry!
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
And if you are not careful, they will take you down in a hurry!
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pdxleaf
·Bob: "What do you call a black man who flys a plane?"
Doug: "I don't know, what do you call a black man who flys a plane?"
Bob: "A Pilot, you racist bastard!"
Doug: "I don't know, what do you call a black man who flys a plane?"
Bob: "A Pilot, you racist bastard!"
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Pun
·Amazing Parsi
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.
A sign read: 'Don't miss the Amazing Parsi.'
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was a middle-aged Parsi.
Suddenly, he dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male equipment and - crack, crack, crack - smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the Parsi was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign that read, 'Don't miss the Amazing Parsi'
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket.
Again, the center ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Parsi stood before them, and then suddenly dropped his pants and -thud, thud, thud - smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing equipment.
The crowd went wild!
Amazed, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
'You're incredible!' he told the Parsi, 'but I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?'
"Arrey, nothing important", said the Parsi. "This is just due to age.".
Puzzled Salesman - "But bawaji, what has it got to do with age?"
Parsi - "Arrey stupid! My eyesight is bad now. I can't see the walnuts!"
A travelling salesman drove into a small town where a circus was playing.
A sign read: 'Don't miss the Amazing Parsi.'
The salesman bought a ticket and sat down.
There, under The Big Top, in the center ring, was a table with three walnuts on it.
Standing next to it was a middle-aged Parsi.
Suddenly, he dropped his pants, whipped out his huge male equipment and - crack, crack, crack - smashed all three walnuts with three mighty swings!
The crowd erupted in applause and the Parsi was carried off on their shoulders.
Fifteen years later the salesman visited the same little town, found the same circus and saw the same faded sign that read, 'Don't miss the Amazing Parsi'
He couldn't believe the old guy was still alive, much less still doing his act!
He bought a ticket.
Again, the center ring was illuminated.
This time, however, instead of walnuts, three coconuts were placed on the table.
The Parsi stood before them, and then suddenly dropped his pants and -thud, thud, thud - smashed the coconuts with three swings of his amazing equipment.
The crowd went wild!
Amazed, the salesman requested a meeting with him after the show.
'You're incredible!' he told the Parsi, 'but I have to know something.
I saw your act 15 years ago and you were using walnuts. Why the switch from walnuts to coconuts?'
"Arrey, nothing important", said the Parsi. "This is just due to age.".
Puzzled Salesman - "But bawaji, what has it got to do with age?"
Parsi - "Arrey stupid! My eyesight is bad now. I can't see the walnuts!"
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Charlemagne1333
·A cheese factory has exploded in France
There’s nothing remaining but du Brie
There’s nothing remaining but du Brie
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Canuck
·A young fellow with a hearing impairment walks into a jewellery store. He wants to buy his girl friend a gift. The jeweller makes a number of suggestions ranging from rings, jewellery, and finally, a watch. The young fellow likes the idea of giving her a watch. The jeweller suggest a number of the brands that he carries, but the young fellow can’t decide. Finally, the jeweller says, “why not give her a Gruen?” The young fellow replies! “That’s what I hope to do, but I thought it’d give her a watch, first,”
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kboyle
·What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick
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Canuck
·Marcel was sick and tired of the world; of Covid 19, Brexit, Russian belligerence, global warming, racial tensions, and the rest of the disturbing stories that occupy media headlines.
Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and hit the cars ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
Marcel drove his car into his garage and then sealed every doorway and window as best he could. He got back into his car and wound down all the windows, selected his favorite radio station and hit the cars ignition.
Four days later, a worried neighbor peered through his garage window and saw him in the car. She notified the emergency services and they broke in, pulling Marcel from the car. A little sip of water and, surprisingly, he was in perfect condition, but his Tesla had a dead battery.
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Pun
·
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Charlemagne1333
·
I don’t ever recall seeing a dog smoking an ice cream
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levkov
·Allegedly Chuck Norris wears a Rolex GMT Master with a faded ceramic bezel 😎
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Spruce
··Sunburst dial fanThe bin men (refuse collectors) ask the man in his garden, “Where's your bin, mate?”
He replies, “I bin in hospital”.
“No,” says the binman, “Where’s your wheelie bin”.
“Well,” the man replies, “I’ve really bin in prison, but I don’t like to say so.”
He replies, “I bin in hospital”.
“No,” says the binman, “Where’s your wheelie bin”.
“Well,” the man replies, “I’ve really bin in prison, but I don’t like to say so.”
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vitriol
·
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BlackTalon
··This Space for Rent- Posts
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pongster
·maybe it’s a descriptive sign saying there are no dogs smoking ice cream in the area.
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Omegafanman
·I recall someone who worked on the UK early rocket programmes / Skylark rocket (UK 1957) telling me that a fly weight / gyro arrangement was used to aid stabilisation. On the drawings this was called the Yo-Yo bay. A memo arrived from on high stating facetious names should not be used for project design variants. Later to test in flight stabilisation a large sprung hammer was designed. At a pre-determined moment this would release - a large moving mass which also struck the outer casing to see if the rocket could be thrown off course.... this was called the Bonkers bay...…… Makes one proud to be British :0)
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