Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

vitriol
Posts
984
Likes
3,001
M'Bob M'Bob
Now, that's funny..
Not really, actually it was a good hint to stop the offtopics.
 
Edward53
Posts
3,133
Likes
5,559
Pardon me for acting as part of the "comedy police" but the thread title is, after all, "tell me a joke". A joke is meant, is it not, to evoke a sensation of amusement in the tellee? This might range from a full-throated guffaw to the merest hint of a smile, but some such response is, nevertheless, an essential element of any joke. A joke may tickle some folks and leave others cold; its intent is the same and it is still a joke, successful or not.

I have, however, yet to hear of anyone actually laughing at a riddle. A wry appreciation of its cleverness, perhaps. Maybe even a gasp of admiration at the cleverness of the wordplay. But - is it a joke? Is it fυck. Is it on topic in a joke thread? I refer you to my last sentence but one.
 
M'Bob
Posts
6,713
Likes
21,669
I thought these were exceedingly benign, especially, as I said before, that they were intended to fill a gap that is increasingly populated with either the same joke repeated or a variation thereof, and not so far out of bounds to be called out about, but nonetheless, I will cease.

"fυck 'em if they can't take a riddle." Bette Midler
 
Archer
Posts
27,679
Likes
70,338
Oh they were benign riddles...okay then keep going...😜
 
JimInOz
Posts
16,430
Likes
34,629
Back on jokes are we?

OK.

A bloke comes home from work one night and tells his wife that he'd been given a huge promotion at work which means he'd get his own office and get to employ his own private secretary.

"Well, you'd better hire someone who's a bit old, fat and ugly," she said,
"I don't want you choosing someone who you're going to be tempted to have sex with!"

"That's fair enough," he replied,


"When can you start?"
 
Archer
Posts
27,679
Likes
70,338
People always tell me, “Everything happens for a reason.” But they can never name the reason, so basically they’re just telling me, “Everything happens.”
 
Buck2466
Posts
1,174
Likes
7,600
A man is sitting next to a woman who is trying to breastfeed her baby on a bus. The baby refuses to suck the breast and the mother warns, " If you don't suck, I will give it to the man next to me." The baby still refuses. After 20 minutes the mother repeats the "threat". The man clears his throat and says, " Look here woman, you better make up your mind. I was supposed to get off 6 bus stops ago."
Edited:
 
Wryfox
Posts
2,849
Likes
12,921
A couple decides that they will turn to prostitution to make money.

The first time the woman goes out, she comes back after a long night with $50.25.

The man asks "who paid you with a quarter?"

She replied, "everyone".
Edited:
 
Wryfox
Posts
2,849
Likes
12,921
I went to my girlfriend's house expecting to see her. Instead it was my girlfriend's beautiful sister that opened the door to greet me. She said no one is coming home for 5 hrs, and then she put her hands on my shoulders and moved in close.

I stopped her and left the house. I got into my car and immediately someone knocked on the door. I looked and saw it was my girlfriend and her dad, mom and sister.

I got out of the car and my girlfriend hugged me tight and said it was a test and I had passed!

Moral of the story: Always keep your condoms in the car.....
Edited:
 
Wryfox
Posts
2,849
Likes
12,921
Life isn't fair.....

You cook three meals, you're not a cook.

You paint five canvases, you're not an artist.

But if you kill just one person...you're a murderer.
 
jsducote
Posts
1,007
Likes
1,710
I swallowed an ice cube two days ago and I still haven't pooped it out yet.
 
DaveK
Posts
4,888
Likes
14,760
The crows seemed to be calling his name, thought Caw.
~ Jack Handy
 
Vercingetorix
Posts
3,612
Likes
6,086
And when he is done inhaling uranium powder, he can chew on a Tide pod.
 
8715 More Posts...
Sign up or log in to reply...