Two chickpeas are walking down the street when one chickpea starts to gag and then throws up. The other chickpea asks, "Are you okay?" and the chickpea answers, "No, I falafel!”
He's a damn Packers fan now, probably got season tickets at Lambeau, totally dissed da'Bears! But..... damned glad to hear Ed's voice back!
Well I don’t have season tickets but do have access to tickets from wife’s company (she does run the place). Never really took to the Bears...it is fun to watch football in Lambeau Field though! And thanks Buck!
a man complains to his wife that she's not adventurous enough in bed. so she decides to spice things up for him. One day when he comes home from a hard days work, he finds his wife in the living room holding a rope. she says to him: "tonight, you can tie me up and do whatever u like" so he ties her up and f**ks the maid.
A teacher is teaching a class and she sees that johnny isnt paying attention, so she asks him, "if there are three ducks sitting on a fence, and you shoot one, how many are left?" Johnny says, "none."The teacher asks, "Why?" Johnny says, "Because the shot scared them all off" " The teacher says, "No, two, but I like how you're thinking." Johnny asks the teacher, "If you see three women walking out of an ice cream parlor, one is licking her ice cream, one is sucking her ice cream, and one is biting her ice cream, which one is married?" The teacher says, "The one sucking her ice cream." Johnny says, "No, the one with the wedding ring, but I like how you're thinking!"
What's the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up the family tree, a gynecologist looks up the family bush.
A woman places an ad in the local newspaper. “Looking for a man with three qualifications: won’t beat me up, won’t run away from me, and is great in bed.” Two days later her doorbell rings. “Hi, I’m Tim. I have no arms so I won’t beat you, and no legs so I won't run away.” “What makes you think you are great in bed?” the woman retorts. Tim replies, “I rang the doorbell, didn’t I?”
Question: What does a woman do sitting down, that a dog does on three legs, and a man does standing up? Answer: Shake hands !
IIRC that joke appears in The Histories by Herodotus, which must make it the oldest known joke in the world. Still works though!
My wife sent me off to the pharmacy to get something to help me get an erection. She wasn't too pleased when I came back with a pack of slimming pills.
