Pinocchio goes to Gepetto for advice, because every time he has sex with Raggedy Ann, she complains of splinters.

"An easy fix," says Gepetto. "Before you sleep with Raggedy, just remove the splinters with some sandpaper."

About a week later, Gepetto runs in to Pinocchio at the market.

"How's it going with your girlfriend,?" He asks.

Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"

 

2 friends, A and B, go fishing in a remote lake. They sit for hours without catching anything, until finally, after a long wait, both their fishing lines start shaking violently. Excited, they both begin to reel in their catch. To their surprise, they both had caught the same fish! They began to argue as to who had the right to the fish. After arguing for a while, they were still unable to reach a compromise. That is when A came up with a solution.
A: "I know how we can solve this issue"
B: "how?"
A: "let's (literally) fuck each other, and the first person to let out a sound in pain loses the fish to the other"
B:"done"

A steps up, and begins to sodomise B. He's going to town on B and B takes it like a champ. For 30 long minutes B is taking a roughing up like never before, tears roll down his cheek but bless him, he doesn't make a sound. When it was finally over and A was 'finished', B turns around to A and says:

A: "hah! I didn't make a sound. Now it's my turn buddy"
B: "it's alright u can keep the fish"

 

The indigenous tribal chief had two sons. He bought them memberships in a yacht club. He wanted his red sons in the sail set!

The indigenous tribal chief was a master electrician. His tribe build a new community centre. He did the wiring in the washrooms, becoming the first chief to wire ahead for a reservation.

I’ll get my coat!

 

If an asp in the grass is a snake, then why is a grasp in the a$$, a goose?

 

A buddy of mine had his entire left side blown off.
But it's ok because the doctors told him he would be all right.

 

What's the most intelligent thing to come out of a woman's mouth?




Einstein's cock.

 

Graphic and sexist but I chuckled.

 

Two guys carrying a refrigerator on a building without a lift:
+Hey bro,I have good news and bad news.
-Tell me the good news first.
+We are on the sixth floor.
-And the bad news?
+We are at the wrong building.

 

When you sneeze and fart at the same time, your body takes a screenshot

 

An Alabama State trooper pulls over a pickup truck on I-20.

The tropper walks up to the pickup and and says to the driver, “Got any ID?”

The driver says, “Bout what?!”

 

A man from wearing an Omega walks into a bar and asks, “Wanna hear a joke about Rolex owners?”

The bartender says, “Listen, pal, I’m wearing a Kermit and I won’t appreciate it. The man sitting next to you is 265 pounds, and he’s got a super-rare Bat Man. And the bouncer, that huge guy over there there, is wearing a Hulk AND a Root Beer Nipple, one on each wrist. So .... do you still want to tell that joke?”

“No,” says the Omega guy chuckling to himself, “Not, if I have to explain it three times.”

 

I know who Kermit, Batman and Hulk are; who/what the hell is a Root Beer Nipple? Goddamn hipster Halloween nonsense....

 

You guys heard about the Mushroom that went to the party?

They said he was a fungi!

Went for my annual physical and heard this from the nurse. Thought I'd share. Got a giggle out of me. Hope same for you. Happy Sunday guys!

 

I went to the doctors the other day and I said, 'have you got anything for wind?' So he gave me a kite.

 

It's political season here in the States.

Time for some zingers!

I don't like conservative thinking. I don't mean to denigrate them. And for those conservatives reading this, denigrate means to put down.

Another one!

Not all conservatives are stupid. But, all stupid people are conservative.

 

Its a hard life.

 

Ouch...