Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

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If you’ve had enough…

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So they got rid of all the brown skinned people?
 
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Safety first. Always have a spotter. Well done.
The person on the lift has a harness clipped to the basket with a safety line, so all looks good.
 
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"My wife and I agreed that to help us quit smoking, we'd only smoke after sex," Tony related to his buddy Joe. "But it's not working the way I'd hoped."

"What's wrong?" queried Joe.

"Well... I haven't smoked in a month, but she's up to two packs a day!" whined Tony.
 
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I’ve been getting a good laugh out of this thread and happened to be going through my old meme stash today for another reason. Figured I’d get involved.
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Two Rednecks In A Pickup Truck Drove To A Lumber Yard.

One Of Them Walked Into The Office And Said, “I Need Some Four-By-Twos.”

“You Must Mean Two-By-Fours,” The Clerk Suggested.

The Fellow Stared Blankly For A Minute.

“I’ll Go Check,” He Said, Heading Back To The Truck.

When He Returned, He Said, “Yeah, I Meant Two-By-Fours.” “

OK, How Long Do You Want Them?”

The Customer Stared Blankly Again. “I’d Better Go Check.”

After A Lengthy Discussion At The Truck, He Returned To The Office.

“A Long Time,” He Replied. “We’re Building A House.”
 
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Two Rednecks In A Pickup Truck Drove To A Lumber Yard.

One Of Them Walked Into The Office And Said, “I Need Some Four-By-Twos.”

“You Must Mean Two-By-Fours,” The Clerk Suggested.

The Fellow Stared Blankly For A Minute.

“I’ll Go Check,” He Said, Heading Back To The Truck.

When He Returned, He Said, “Yeah, I Meant Two-By-Fours.” “

OK, How Long Do You Want Them?”

The Customer Stared Blankly Again. “I’d Better Go Check.”

After A Lengthy Discussion At The Truck, He Returned To The Office.

“A Long Time,” He Replied. “We’re Building A House.”


A long time ago I was serving a customer in a guitar shop. He wanted a new guitar lead. "How long do you want it?" I asked (instead of the more grammatically correct "what length do you want".)

"I was hoping to keep it"