A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees the lovers and hides in the cupboard. Then the woman's husband unexpectedly comes home. She hides her lover in the cupboard, not realizing that her little boy is in there already. The little Boy says: "Dark in here" The Man says: "Yes, it is" Boy: "I have a soccer ball, do you want to buy it?" Man: "No thanks..." Boy: "My Dad's outside, I'll call him if you don't buy it." Man: "Ok, how much?" Boy: "$1,000" A few weeks later it happened again, and the boy and lover were in the cupboard together again. Boy: "Dark in here" Man: "Yes, it is" Boy: "I have soccer shoes..." The Man, remembering the last time, and asks the boy: "How much?" The Boy says: "$2,000" The Man says "Fine I'll buy them" A few days later the Boy's father says to the Boy: "Grab you shoes and soccer ball, we'll go outside and have a game" The Boy says: "I can't. I sold them for $3,000." The Father says: "That's terrible to overcharge like that, $3,000 is way more that those things cost! I'm going to take you to church so you'll confess your sins!" They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The Boy says: "Dark in here" The Priest says: "Oh no, not you again!"
I met a guy in a pub who swore he was a big pop star in the 80's. I told him I didn't believe him, but he was adamant...
Three heads of state are discussing their economies in Davos. The US President says: we tax our citizens at roughly 30%, and what they do with the rest doesn’t interest the government. The UK prime minister says: we tax our subjects at 50%, and what they do with the rest is of no interest to her majesty. The Russian president says: I pay 130% tax; where Boris get’s the rest, is none of my business.
In honor of the new release... What do the Starship Enterprise and toilet paper have in common? They both circle around Uranus looking for Klingons.