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vitriol
·
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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- 1,813
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Longbow
·Vilnius, the Lithuanian capital, renamed the street where the Russian embassy is located and renamed it "Street of Ukrainian Heroes", forcing the embassy to change its postal address and thus pay tribute to Ukraine.
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M'Bob
·Haven’t we all been there?
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Two bored croupiers are waiting at the craps table on a slow night at the casino. Just then, a gorgeous woman sashays up to the table and lays down $25,000 in chips on a single roll of the dice.
"I hope you don’t mind," she says to the staff, slowing stripping off her top and stretching her arms skyward, "but I just feel so much luckier when I play topless."
She grabs the dice, gives them a little kiss for luck, and tosses them down the table. Then she jumps up and down squealing, "Come on, come on - mama needs a new pair of shoes!"
As the dice bounce down the table, so does she, and the croupiers can't take their eyes off her. And when the dice stop, she does a little dance screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yes, oh yes! I won! I won!"
Wearing a huge grin, but still no top, the woman gives each of the croupiers a close hug and slips a hundred dollar chip into their pocket. Then she gathers up her winnings (and her top) tosses them into her bag and walks out of the casino hall.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, "Wow, what a knockout! What did she roll?"
The other answers, "No idea, I thought you were watching!"
"I hope you don’t mind," she says to the staff, slowing stripping off her top and stretching her arms skyward, "but I just feel so much luckier when I play topless."
She grabs the dice, gives them a little kiss for luck, and tosses them down the table. Then she jumps up and down squealing, "Come on, come on - mama needs a new pair of shoes!"
As the dice bounce down the table, so does she, and the croupiers can't take their eyes off her. And when the dice stop, she does a little dance screaming, "Yes! Yes! Yes, oh yes! I won! I won!"
Wearing a huge grin, but still no top, the woman gives each of the croupiers a close hug and slips a hundred dollar chip into their pocket. Then she gathers up her winnings (and her top) tosses them into her bag and walks out of the casino hall.
The dealers stare at each other dumbfounded.
Finally, one of them asks, "Wow, what a knockout! What did she roll?"
The other answers, "No idea, I thought you were watching!"
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Scarecrow Boat
··Burt Macklin, FBI
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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M'Bob
·
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Duracuir1
··Never Used A Kodak
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Tony's wife came home from church on Sunday morning to find him in the bathroom daubing shoe polish on his "johnson."
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.
"It's daylight savings time!" Tony replied.
Rolling her eyes she said, "No you idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.
"It's daylight savings time!" Tony replied.
Rolling her eyes she said, "No you idiot! You're supposed to turn your clock back!"
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Scarecrow Boat
··Burt Macklin, FBI
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerFor when you take your dog for a walk...
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M'Bob
·Always check your physician’s credentials…
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M'Bob
·
- Posts
- 7,694
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- 26,671
Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
- Posts
- 6,713
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M'Bob
·
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!"It is simply breathtaking to see the world is finally becoming enlightened," said Anthony with a self-satisfied smirk. "I knew people would eventually come around to my way of thinking - encouraging the use of personal pronoun preferences without artificial societal constraints such as gender." He continued, " I identify as an asshat, and my personal pronouns are hee & haw."
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M'Bob
·
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker