Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

JimInOz
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A bloke walks into a bar up north with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the croc up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval. The bloke stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his credentials and related parts in the croc's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the bloke grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth, and the bloke removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The bloke stood up again and made another offer.

'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up.



'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'
 
Omegafanman
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Omegafanman Omegafanman
A wife is having an affair when her husband comes home early. Quick jump out the window she tells her boyfriend. No way it is raining hard outside he says. I can hear my husband coming up this stairs, he is crazy, has a gun and will kill us both if he catches you here she explains. Without further argument the guy grabs his stuff, jumps out the window naked and starts running. He saw a group of joggers and tried to blend in with them rather unsuccessfully.
Do you always run naked? one jogger asked. Yes I love to run barefoot and feel the air against my skin he replied.
Do you always carry your clothes and shoes under your arm when you run another asked? Yes so I can get dressed quickly and drive home at then end of a run he further explained. Finally a jogger asked ... and do you always wear a condom?....to which he replied straight faced...only when it is raining ;0)

They ran past three old widowed grannies waiting at a bus stop.The three old ladies, all fixed their eyes on the naked handsome jogger and gasped. Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, “wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack.” Edna, rubbing her neck, added, “I almost had an asthma attack!” Mavis , still reaching in front of her and out of breath, exclaimed, “I almost had a stroke.......but he was moving too damn fast.”
 
Darlinboy
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In another 3028 years, there’s an even chance that things will either be really good or really bad.
🍿
 
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