A bloke walks into a bar up north with a pet crocodile by his side. He puts the croc up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.

'I'll make you a deal. I'll open this croc's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the croc will close his mouth for one minute.

Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this, each of you will buy me a drink.'

The crowd murmured their approval. The bloke stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his credentials and related parts in the croc's open mouth.

The croc closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the bloke grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the crocodile really, really hard on the top of its head.

The croc opened his mouth, and the bloke removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.

The bloke stood up again and made another offer.

'I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try.' A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar.

A blonde woman timidly spoke up.



'I'll try it - Just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!'

 

They ran past three old widowed grannies waiting at a bus stop.The three old ladies, all fixed their eyes on the naked handsome jogger and gasped. Janice pressed her hand on her heart and said, “wow, that whippersnapper damn near gave me a heart attack.” Edna, rubbing her neck, added, “I almost had an asthma attack!” Mavis , still reaching in front of her and out of breath, exclaimed, “I almost had a stroke.......but he was moving too damn fast.”

 

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It may take the incentive of free pizza for some of these idiots to get vaccinated.

 

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You’ll never find out. The answer is Private!

 

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Every cloud and all that .....
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Taking this from @Duracuir1 . This made me laugh out loud

 

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^^^ Ah, a literate lush...

 

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In another 3028 years, there’s an even chance that things will either be really good or really bad.