My son, who is is thinking about popping the question to his long-time girlfriend, asked me the other day what it's like to be married. I told him to just leave me alone. And when he did... I asked him why he was ignoring me.
Two statues in the public park, one of a naked man, and one of a naked woman, had stood facing each other for a hundred years across the grassy shaded glen. On a warm and sunlit summer’s day in the 101st year, an angel came down from on high, and with a single wave of its hand brought the two statues to life. As the pair stand blinking in the sunlight the angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal cold winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do whatever you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, they both grin and nod, then quickly go running off into the nearby shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return red-faced, out of breath, and grinning ear to ear. The angel smiles mischieviously & tells them, "Um … you still have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again?" The man glances at the woman, raises an eyebrow and asks her "Shall we?" "Oh, yes, please!” she eagerly replies, grabbing his hand and heading for the bushes once more. “But this time, lets change positions,” she says with a wink. “I'll hold the pigeon down and you shit on its head."
Klaus is a natural! And I have a suggestion for a future episode: Klaus: Does the watch have a GPS locator? salesman: Yes, of course! Klaus: And so, is it necessary to program it so that the government can track your location at any time, or is that feature automatic? salesman: Umm...I think it's automatic! Klaus: Oh, I see.