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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!The woman came out of her annual health checkup beaming proudly.
Frowning and glancing impatiently at his watch, her husband asked, “What took so long... what happened in there?”
"The doctor was amazed at my overall physical condition - and said that I've the breasts of an18 year old,” she replied, blushing a bit but still beaming.
"Oh really? And did he say anything about your 45 year old ass?" chuckled the husband.
"Why no,” she huffed giving him a glare, “As a matter of fact he didn’t mention you at all!"
Frowning and glancing impatiently at his watch, her husband asked, “What took so long... what happened in there?”
"The doctor was amazed at my overall physical condition - and said that I've the breasts of an18 year old,” she replied, blushing a bit but still beaming.
"Oh really? And did he say anything about your 45 year old ass?" chuckled the husband.
"Why no,” she huffed giving him a glare, “As a matter of fact he didn’t mention you at all!"
Edited:
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Paedipod
·Another “dad” one from my daughter
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Canuck
·He: “I want you to have this bracelet. It belonged to my late grandmother.”
She: “Why does it say, DO NOT RESUSCITATE?”
She: “Why does it say, DO NOT RESUSCITATE?”
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eugeneandresson
·(Again, my fav sci/tech channel)
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JohnWoo
·With inbuilt television receivers?
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vitriol
·
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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jeppe888
·How can you tell when your watch is hungry?
It goes back four seconds.
It goes back four seconds.
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Daddy Shark is teaching Baby Shark how to eat humans.
“Now listen up kid,” he says, “First thing you do is you swim full force at the human with your mouth wide open and then …at the last second … you swerve and swim away.”
“And then,” Daddy Shark continues, “you slowy turn, circle a time or two from a distance, and then swim back at them full force again, but same as before … at the last second …. you swerve and swim away.”
“After that,” he finishes, “ You can go back and eat the human."
Baby Shark looks a bit confused and asks, "But Dad, that seems like a lot of effort. Why can't we just go eat the human the first time?"
"Well kid, you could do that, “ Daddy Shark replies, smacking his lips,”but they taste sooooo much better if you scare the s🤬t out of them first!”
“Now listen up kid,” he says, “First thing you do is you swim full force at the human with your mouth wide open and then …at the last second … you swerve and swim away.”
“And then,” Daddy Shark continues, “you slowy turn, circle a time or two from a distance, and then swim back at them full force again, but same as before … at the last second …. you swerve and swim away.”
“After that,” he finishes, “ You can go back and eat the human."
Baby Shark looks a bit confused and asks, "But Dad, that seems like a lot of effort. Why can't we just go eat the human the first time?"
"Well kid, you could do that, “ Daddy Shark replies, smacking his lips,”but they taste sooooo much better if you scare the s🤬t out of them first!”
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Three patients are lined up on their beds in the hospital treatment ward, waiting to see the doctor for platelet infusions.
The doctor and his intern enter the room, stopping for a moment to consult before starting the procedures.
“OK, so what have we got here?” the doctor asks his intern.
Consulting the records, the intern replies,”Well, the first patient has type B blood, the second is type P, and the third type A blood.”
“Hey Doc” calls out patient #2, “I think I am a Type O.”
The doctor and his intern enter the room, stopping for a moment to consult before starting the procedures.
“OK, so what have we got here?” the doctor asks his intern.
Consulting the records, the intern replies,”Well, the first patient has type B blood, the second is type P, and the third type A blood.”
“Hey Doc” calls out patient #2, “I think I am a Type O.”
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!Speaking of which…
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk in to donate blood.
“I am Type A+,” says the priest.
“Mine is Type O,” says the minister.
Last is the rabbit, who says to the phlebotomist, “I think I might be a type O too.”
A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk in to donate blood.
“I am Type A+,” says the priest.
“Mine is Type O,” says the minister.
Last is the rabbit, who says to the phlebotomist, “I think I might be a type O too.”
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Farmer
·A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church staggers to the confessional booth and sits down, but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times but the drunk continues to sit there, not saying a word.Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall, to which the drunk mumbles, "sorry mate, can't help you, there is no paper on this side either.
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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