Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Archer
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Fritz Fritz
That happens when you’ve been up too late cramming too long and your brain just cries enough.

its still smart enough for clever thinking, just not the clever thinking you need at that moment.

although I never used them this kind of brain fry up often followed cramming while using “beans” or uppers or massive doses of caffeine in pill form to get that last bit of chemistry or advanced algebra or mechanics of structures stuffed into said poor brain.

i once watched a guy punch out the exam room door until his knuckles bled following a massive loss of all mathematical ability during the exam. He slept for two solid days after we dropped him at home.

ah... school days.... how I miss the fun!

Test anxiety is a real thing - I know some otherwise smart people who froze up doing an exam. Was never an issue for me personally, but the only way to get over it is preparation...and based on my experience the place of preparation is important. I learned early on that studying in the pub over a beer or two was not effective prep right before math exams...::facepalm1::
 
Fritz
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Archer Archer
Test anxiety is a real thing - I know some otherwise smart people who froze up doing an exam. Was never an issue for me personally, but the only way to get over it is preparation...and based on my experience the place of preparation is important. I learned early on that studying in the pub over a beer or two was not effective prep right before math exams...::facepalm1::

My secret to was have my studying done a full day in advance and have an easy evening and good night before an exam. I figured if I didn’t know it by the night before there was no point in loosing sleep.

and yes, I think everybody got dopey and tried the pub approached. I also remember that one as being a poor way of prepping for the big test.

anxiety? I still wake up at 2am in a pretest panic once in a while. Only to realize I haven’t been to school in thirty some odd years at which point I smile in the night, roll over and wonder which lovely pocketwatch I’ll wear to work tomorrow.
 
BlackTalon
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My secret was to drink heavily the night before, and to cram for 15-30 minutes before the exam. It worked pretty well for me.
 
Fritz
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When i was being particularly dopey and maybe blowing a a test or two because I was enjoying life a bit too much my Mom would try to get my attention my saying “I’ll wave to you when you’re working on the garbage truck”.

She used that until I pointed out what those union city worker guys were getting paid per hour. That she her up.
 
Darlinboy
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Having been out drinking with his mates until the wee hours, a not-necessarily-well-prepared student sat in his life science classroom staring at a question on the final exam paper.

"Give four advantages of breast milk."

What to write? He sighed, his head pounding, and began to scribble whatever came into his head:

1. No need to boil.
2. Cats can't steal it.
3. Available whenever necessary.

So far so good - maybe.

But the exam demanded a four-part answer. Once more, he sighed. He frowned. He scowled,then sighed again. He rubbed his aching head and stretched. Then suddenly, he brightened. Grabbing his pen, he scribbled the final part of this answer:

4. Available in attractive containers.
 
Farmer
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On a long flight to Sydney, a young good looking blonde girl gets up from her seat in economy, and moves to first class and sits down, the trolley dolly says "miss you can,t do that, please return to your allocated seat, blonde says, "I am you blonde and beautiful and I am going to Sydney!". FA goes to the flight deck and the first office says I, ll sort this out, goes to see the blonde tells her to move, the same answer, reports to Captain who says, "leave it to me, my wife is blonde and I speak blonde".Sure enough, the blonde gets up and returns to her original seat, the FO and FA ask, what did you say to her to get her to move, " I said, miss, first class is not going to Sydney"
 
Charlemagne1333
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A guy was driving his blonde passenger home.

He asked her to stick her head out the window, and see if the blinker was working.

She said, “Yes, no, yes, no, yes, no...”
 
Canuck
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A blonde got a promotion at work, and a salary increase. She went out and bought herself a new red convertible, had he hair restyled and dyed red. On her first opportunity, she went for a drive in the country. She was driving along a rural road when she encountered a flock of sheep being herded by a shepherd. She stopped, and the large flock of sheep soon surrounded her. She spoke to the shepherd, and asked if she could have an animal as a pet. He told her to choose one. She did, and selected one, and put it into her car. The shepherd asked her if she was a naturally a blonde, to which she answered that she was. “I thought so” was his reply. She replied “how did you know?” He replied, “I’d like my dog back!”
 
gemstar
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Guy sets up a wonderful candlelight dinner looking over a beautiful ocean sunset. He says honey its our 30th anniversary. What did I do to deserve you? Honey replies, sweety you made all your money before you met me.
 
STANDY
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A silver haired old woman called her neighbor and said, "Would you please come over here and help me? I have a jigsaw puzzle of a rooster that I can't figure out how to put together.
The elderly gentleman comes over and says, "Let me have a look. Where's the box so I can see what the picture is supposed to look like?"
The lady hands him the box and he examines it carefully, and said, "First of all, no matter how we assemble these pieces we will not be able to make a picture of a rooster out of it."
"Second of all, why don't we just relax, have a cup of tea, and I'll help you put all of the corn flakes back into the box?"
 
Darlinboy
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How much poutine was left after the hockey game?

Nunavet!

::rimshot::

 
Archer
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JimInOz JimInOz
Just for @Archer, but more likely for @Canuck.

Canadians.png

Not bad - but we BBQ all winter, no matter how cold. Just clean the snow off the deck and the BBQ, which is right outside the door, and you're good to go...
 
JimInOz
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One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With all the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
 
Darlinboy
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JimInOz JimInOz
One winter morning while listening to the radio, Bob and his wife hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 4-6 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car.

A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 6-8 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through."

Bob's wife goes out and moves her car again.

The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 8-10 inches of snow today. You must park..." then the electric power goes out.

Bob's wife is very upset, and with a worried look on her face she says, "Honey, I don't know what to do. Which side of the street do I need to park on so the plow can get through?"

With all the love and understanding in his voice that all men who are married to blondes exhibit, Bob says,

"Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"

I must say, I laughed out loud at this one. Mrs. Darlinboy🥰 - who I hasten to add is an extremely intelligent blonde (contrary to the evidence of having married me) - to ask what was so funny. She was not amused.

While Mrs. Darlinboy🥰 has has forgiven me for laughing at “yet another mysogynistic blonde joke” I share this with you @JimInOz , on the slim chance you should ever meet her.

You’ve been warned. 😜
 
Darlinboy
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A weeping woman burst into her hypnotherapist’s office sobbing her eyes out.

"I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I had an affair!" she moaned.

"The guilt is killing me. I just want to forget that it ever happened! Can you help me?”

The hypnotherapist just rolls her eyes and sighs. "You’re back again?”
Edited:
 
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