Why are there no North Koreans in the summer Olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim, is in South Korea!
There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, "Is it just me, or is it getting really hot in here??" The other muffin yells, "Holy - a talking muffin!!!"
A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. 'Impossible!' says the doctor... 'Show me.' The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, 'You're not really a redhead, are you?’ Well, no' she said, 'I'm actually a blonde.’ 'I thought so,' the doctor said, 'Your finger is broken.’
A guy of advancing years is visiting his doctor, at the end of the consultation he asks the doctor, “ How do you assess if it is time someone should move into a care home?” The doctor replies, “ Well we fill a bath with water and then give the patient a teaspoon, a cup and a bucket and ask them to empty the bath” “Oh I see says the man, a person with all their faculties would go for the bucket, as it’s the biggest” “No says the doctor, a sensible person would pull out the plug! WOULD YOU LIKE A BED BY A WINDOW!!!
How do you know when a plane load of tennis players has landed in Melbourne for the Australian Open? You can still hear the whining long after they turn off the engines.