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ExpiredWatchdog
·How many Stanford Grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.
One. He holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D
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killer67
·I was having dinner with Garry Kasparov (world chess champion) and there was a check tablecloth. It took him two hours to pass me the salt.
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ExpiredWatchdog
·So, this Stanford professor and this San Jose State professor are both attending a conference. The just happen to be standing at adjacent urinals relieving themselves and both zip up and turn at exactly the same time. The San Jose State professor heads straight for the door.
The Stanford professor speaks up and says "You know at Stanford, they teach us to wash our hands after relieving ourselves".
The San Jose State professor replies "At San Jose State, they teach us not to piss in our hands".
The Stanford professor speaks up and says "You know at Stanford, they teach us to wash our hands after relieving ourselves".
The San Jose State professor replies "At San Jose State, they teach us not to piss in our hands".
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerHow many Stanford Grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.
So, this Stanford professor and this San Jose State professor are both attending a conference. The just happen to be standing at adjacent urinals relieving themselves and both zip up and turn at exactly the same time. The San Jose State professor heads straight for the door.
The Stanford professor speaks up and says "You know at Stanford, they teach us to wash our hands after relieving ourselves".
The San Jose State professor replies "At San Jose State, they teach us not to piss in our hands".
I'm getting a slight feeling that you may not be the biggest Stanford fan on the planet? So what happened, they wouldn't let you in? 😉
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killer67
·Dentist: This will hurt a little
Patient: OK
Dentist: I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now
Patient: OK
Dentist: I’ve been having an affair with your wife for a while now
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kkt
·How many Stanford Grads does it take to change a lightbulb?
One. He holds the bulb up and the world revolves around him.
I heard that one about That Other prestigious private university whose mascot is a shade of red.
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RonJ
·How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
.
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
.
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pongster
·How many Psychologists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.
.
regardless of where he obtained his psychology degree? 😀
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mr_smith
·My computer has stopped me using Beef Stew as a password …. said it was just not stroganoff....
Doesn't meat the requirements, eh? 😗
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ExpiredWatchdog
·Yep, I think the light bulb joke works for all universities.
Even Stanford ! 😀
(just a joke, I would have proudly gone to Stanford back when I went to school).
.
I would have gotten kicked out. Seriously. And Stanford goes way out of their way to keep from having to kick anyone out.
Here in Silicon Valley, there are scads of Stanford grads, so looking down on them is sort of an inside joke among us outsiders.
If that makes any sense.
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STANDY
··schizophrenic pizza orderer and watch collectorK
Probably made a Mi-steak entering it in.....
My computer has stopped me using Beef Stew as a password …. said it was just not stroganoff....
.
Doesn't meat the requirements, eh? 😗
Probably made a Mi-steak entering it in.....
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ExpiredWatchdog
·I'm getting a slight feeling that you may not be the biggest Stanford fan on the planet? So what happened, they wouldn't let you in? 😉
Very funny. 😒
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Charlemagne1333
·James Bond walks into a bar...
Bond: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”
Barman: “You have to buy a drink first”
Bond: “Fine, I’ll have a Vodka Martini”
Barman: “There you go”
Bond: “Thanks, so what’s the password?”
Barman: “You have to buy a drink first, all lower-case, no spaces”
Bond exits the bar, shaken, but not stirred...
Bond: “What’s the Wi-Fi password?”
Barman: “You have to buy a drink first”
Bond: “Fine, I’ll have a Vodka Martini”
Barman: “There you go”
Bond: “Thanks, so what’s the password?”
Barman: “You have to buy a drink first, all lower-case, no spaces”
Bond exits the bar, shaken, but not stirred...
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killer67
·Doctor: You're obese
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too
Patient: For that I definitely want a second opinion
Doctor: You’re quite ugly, too
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Charlemagne1333
·A patient visits his doctor...
Patient: “ Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog”
Doctor: “ How long have you been feeling like this?”
Patient: “ Since I was a puppy”
Doctor: “Get on the couch, I’ll examine you”
Patient: “I’m not allowed on the couch”
Patient: “ Doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog”
Doctor: “ How long have you been feeling like this?”
Patient: “ Since I was a puppy”
Doctor: “Get on the couch, I’ll examine you”
Patient: “I’m not allowed on the couch”
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guwipa
·
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killer67
·Patient: My wife suffers from a drinking problem
Therapist: Oh is she an alcoholic?
Patient: No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers
Therapist: Oh is she an alcoholic?
Patient: No, I am, but she’s the one who suffers