Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

Canuck
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The king asked the royal weather forecaster to give him the forecast for the next few hours. The palaceMETEOROLOGIST GUARANTEED THERE WAS NO RAIN IN THE FORECAST AT ALL


So, the king and the queen went fishing. On the way he met a man with
a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish
were biting.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!
In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The king replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard. He
is an educated and experienced professional. Besides, I pay him very
high wages. He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him."

So, the king continued on his way.

However, in a short time a torrential cold rain fell from the sky. The King
and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the king returned to the palace and gave the order to fire
the meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious
position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about
forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my
donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain"

So, the king hired the donkey.

And so, began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential
positions of government.

The practice is unbroken to this very day.
 
STANDY
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Two wind turbines were talking.
One asked, “Do you like country music?”
The other one answered, “No, I’m a big heavy metal fan.”
 
F
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Doctor doctor I’m addicted to fish and I don’t know what to do...

Sea Kelp



Sorry, I shall grab my coat...............
 
Fargs
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Did you hear
nxw1969 nxw1969
Whats the difference between a chick pea and a lentil?
.
.
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Would you pay £200 to have a lentil on your head?[/
 
K
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I wonder what my parents did to fight boredom before the internet?

I asked my 18 brothers and sisters and they don’t know either.
 
K
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ExpiredWatchdog ExpiredWatchdog
I'm dyslexic. I didn't see any problem with this statement.

Ok making a note not to rob a bank with you
you would likely say “Air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up!"
 
RI Omega Fan
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K killer67
When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic
If you need help, there is a dyslexia support meeting coming up on July 10th and 9th.
 
Pun
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A man wakes up one morning and found a gorilla on his roof.

So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there's an advert for "Gorilla Catchers"

He calls the number, and the gorilla catcher, Santa Singh, says he will be over in 30 minutes.

Santa arrives within 30 minutes and gets out of his van. He's got a LADDER, a CRICKET BAT, a SHOTGUN and a HUGE DOG.

"What are you going to do", the house owner asks?

Santa goes on to explain, "I'm going to put this LADDER up against the roof, and then I'm going to go upthere and knock the gorilla off the roof with this CRICKET BAT.

When the gorilla falls off, the DOG is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles and not bite it off but just get a firm grip.

The gorilla will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."

Santa then hands a shotgun to the house owner.

"And what's this shotgun for?" asks the house owner, rather nervously.

Santa replies, "Now listen carefully... this is very important:

If the gorilla knocks ME off the roof, SHOOT THE DOG IMMEDIATELY!!!"
Edited:
 
ExpiredWatchdog
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Ok making a note not to rob a bank with you
you would likely say “Air in the hands mother stickers this is a f*ck up!"

Yeah, let's plan it.

^^^You know why they size firecrackers the size they are? They are sized just small enough not to blow your fingers off. I can't tell you how many times I discovered that as a kid.

Kinda like meeting someone who has never been shocked by wall current or has never tasted gasoline. Where have you been, brother? What a sheltered life.
 
K
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ExpiredWatchdog ExpiredWatchdog
^^^You know why they size firecrackers the size they are? They are sized just small enough not to blow your fingers off. I can't tell you how many times I discovered that as a kid

I may have pics to share this weekend 😜
 
STANDY
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1998
Don’t get into a car with strangers.

2008
Don’t meet strangers on the internet alone.

2018
Order a stranger on the internet and get in a car with them.
 
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