My father's Cartier watch

Out of TIME! · Oct 5, 2021

krogerfoot

My father died a year ago, thankfully not of COVID-19, but because of the pandemic I (in Japan) could not attend his funeral (in the US). I wrote about it here (tl;dr: not an experience I recommend). I grew closer to my father with every passing year and was lucky to talk with him the day before he suddenly died. If your folks still walk the earth, give them a call, tell them you love them and make plans to visit.

The watch is a McGuffin in this story. That's my brother's wrist in the photo, with (one of?) the watch(es?) he came home from the funeral with. My father's widow handed it to him, along with a bag of shoes and some jewelry, in return for a signed waiver renouncing his claim to any inheritance. I suspect the photo is the closest I'll get to the watch.

Anyway, being excluded from the funeral and attendant document-signing festivities apparently left me as the only natural heir to my father's estate. This entitles me to two-thirds of what might be a fairly substantial amount of property (the widow gets the other third). I talked to a lawyer last year about about it, but my income cratered shortly thereafter and I became preoccupied with keeping my children fed and housed. Now that I seem to have skirted bankruptcy, I'm wondering if I should make a claim for something, at least.

If my father's estate is as substantial as it appears, splitting it with his widow is not going to put her in the poorhouse. It seems like it would be better to settle these things now rather than springing it on her children if she happens to die before I do. I'm sure they'll be furious to have to share their stepfather's estate with me, but honestly—they buried my father without making the slightest gesture toward including me in the ceremony, so I don't see any reason to try appealing to their sense of fairness or decency.

I'm unhappy with my brother's selfishness, but he doesn't deserve to be screwed out of an inheritance. He has a son of his own, who my father made a point of including in his (unsigned, worthless) will. He intended for his grandson to inherit something more than a bag of shoes, and I'd like to ensure that his share is something my brother can't appropriate.

But I don't know—possession is nine-tenths of the law, etc. How does this stuff work? Will I end up spending the rest of my life in a legal battle with my father's widow, hoping I'll collect enough to pay my lawyer? If this is a situation anyone here has found themselves in, I would appreciate your insight and advice.

In legal maters also remeber: " Time is of the essence!".
If you do not take any action, it is assumed you accept things as they played out.
[ I am not a legal consule in any forum, just my perspective! "
If someone puts a fence on your property or does work & you just watch, don't question their action.
You may have entered into a contract that you will have to pay for work perfomed, even though you did not sign anthing. There are always variables. If you were not home at the time to see the events, the contractor would most likely not win.
I have 8 siblings. To best of my knowledge they are stll kicking.. ri.O
While Pops was still with us, I kept asking him to put everthing in a Trust.
Even asked for an independent executor, to avoid a conflict of interest.
Pop did get a trust set up, passed away & that went smooth.
Mom's estate, I am very sure to have been screwed out of monies as number 1 would not show the books.
But, unless there's $1mil., lawyers are not interested.
One guy's comment after parents passed & probate ate it all.
"Next time, I will know what to do!" [ Too late the damage is done! ]
Good luck, but best to take action especially if you could use the funds!
Sorry for the loss of your Father.
Mike

krogerfoot · Oct 5, 2021

cvalue13
I wonder if you’re an estates lawyer?

And I separately wonder if I’m this case the estate has been through probate? Apologies if I’ve missed it. But it sounded as though he passed without an enforceable will, and so the probate process I would expect to require completion and also to be not so lengthy a battle (unless perhaps the widow has liquidated the estates assets in the meanwhile),

That said, I’m a TX lawyer who does not practice estates, so I am very likely to “know only enough to be dangerous”

Kroger, very sorry for your loss, and just as sorry for this context surrounding it. If you could use some assistance in identifying a TX estates lawyer, I may be able to put some recommendations to you.

Thanks for your insights, and yes, I would appreciate any recommendations you could make. It has been a long time since I've lived in Texas and I don't know any lawyers there.

My understanding from the lawyer I've been consulting is that the widow, who was appointed independent administrator of the estate because my brother and I both signed waivers of that right, has still not filed a complete inventory of the estate. I think the final deadline for that is next month. In the meantime, she sold the house she owned as community property with my father. It's just armchair logic, but I feel like the aggressive moves she/her lawyer made immediately following my father's death to get his natural heirs to renounce their claims indicate that, under Texas law, her position is not so strong.

krogerfoot · Oct 5, 2021

DaveK
Take good care of yourself, you’ll make it through this.

Edit: I’m struggling with the daily demands of life, so I mean this sincerely.

This means a lot to me. Thank you.

krogerfoot · Oct 5, 2021

Omegafanman
It is interesting your brother has made and signed some form of settlement - normally there can be no disbursements to potential beneficiaries before probate if people are following rules / it sounds like someone has goodg advice and a game plan.

My brother, along with my nephew, signed a disclaimer disavowing any interest in the estate. The way my nephew describes it, they were handed the forms when they arrived at the funeral and they signed them like they were signing a guest book. Maybe he had a game plan, but I suspect not.

cvalue13 · Oct 5, 2021

krogerfoot
Thanks for your insights, and yes, I would appreciate any recommendations you could make.

I’ve reached out to a few contacts for recs, and will hit you by DM when receive.

Out of TIME! · Oct 5, 2021

krogerfoot
My brother, along with my nephew, signed a disclaimer disavowing any interest in the estate. The way my nephew describes it, they were handed the forms when they arrived at the funeral and they signed them like they were signing a guest book. Maybe he had a game plan, but I suspect not.

Yep! This is a common practice. The attorney push this to catch you off gaurd.
They did the c##p to me at my Mother's service. Still do not have a clue what was on that document.
The joke of the survivors in a raft surounded by sharks.
One of them had to swim to get something.
The attorney said, ok I will go & jumps in the water.
He swims to & fro, no problem. The group ask how he did it.
Proffesional Cortsey!

Syrte · Oct 5, 2021

Dear @krogerfoot so sorry to hear about your mother’s ailment and your current predicament. Be strong, watch your own health, take things one at a time— and get a foot in the door with your father’s estate so it is clear you’re not giving up any right or any fight. We’re all rooting for you. Really glad to hear @cvalue13 can perhaps refer you to someone who will be your ally.

Omegafanman · Oct 5, 2021

krogerfoot
My brother, along with my nephew, signed a disclaimer disavowing any interest in the estate. The way my nephew describes it, they were handed the forms when they arrived at the funeral and they signed them like they were signing a guest book. Maybe he had a game plan, but I suspect not.

Whoever prepared the forms ahead of the funeral and got them signed has a plan.... in life either you have a plan or you are part of someone’s else’s plan (often both apply) Did they also sign for receipt of the watches / any inventory recorded of what they accepted (watches) when signing? I assume they have copies of what they signed and a record of what they were given. I would pass any information you have to your solicitor and ask advice in terms of implications for your personal situation. As before good luck with everything.

Dan S · Oct 5, 2021

You've gotten a lot of advice here, and hopefully some of it is helpful. I just want to say that I'm really sorry that you're going through so much all at once right now, Kay.

Syrte · Oct 6, 2021

Could we perhaps start a fundraiser to help @krogerfoot at least finance the trip to the US to see his ailing mother?
However much we manage to raise, I suppose every little bit would help?

I tried to set up a campaign on Gofundme but the French platform would only let me designate a beneficiary with a French based bank account so I would have to let others figure out the mechanics but I would very gladly contribute.

krogerfoot · Oct 6, 2021

Syrte
Could we perhaps start a fundraiser to help @krogerfoot at least finance the trip to the US to see his ailing mother?
However much we manage to raise, I suppose every little bit would help?

I tried to set up a campaign on Gofundme but the French platform would only let me designate a beneficiary with a French based bank account so I would have to let others figure out the mechanics but I would very gladly contribute.

Chère Sylvie, it's very kind of you to make such an effort for me. However, I will most likely be able to rely on help from relatives in the US to defray some of the cost of this trip. For all my complaining on this thread, there's a light at the end of the financial tunnel I've been going through. My family and I were incredibly lucky to be able to buy a house at the onset of the pandemic. I am working again—good God, am I ever working—and the bills are once again somehow getting paid. We lack for nothing.

I have been blessed my entire life by the kindness of others. Your kindhearted concern means the world to me. Thank you, but I will be fine.

krogerfoot · Jan 19, 2022

An update: I made it back to the US for a visit with my mother. She has made a remarkable recovery and everything worked out somehow, financially and logistically, to take my family to the States for the girls' first Christmas with their grandmother. Coming back to Japan was by far a bigger challenge, but we got out of quarantine on Monday and we're back to work/school again.

Regarding the subject of the original post, I learned that there were actually two Cartier watches, both gone, along with all of my mom's jewelry and other possessions while she was hospitalized and my brother was doing business from her home. He seems to have used my mother's phone to document his entrepreneurial activities, so I at least got to see some shots of the watches.

This is not a brand that I know anything about or a style I'm partial to, but I'm sorry not to be able to have something of my father's. I don't really remember him wearing either of these watches, though I recognize the bracelet there on my brother's wrist. Maybe I should be glad not to have any tangible things to remember my father by. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a good relationship with one parent, much less both of them.

I wrote a tribute to my father that I hoped someone would read for me during his funeral, but it didn't happen. Here it is, finally:

I came to fatherhood old enough to appreciate what a phenomenal job my dad did every day of his life for his children. I will forever wade in the shallows of the ocean of dadhood know-how he demonstrated throughout my life. Just as an example: I've taught my children never to proceed to the door merely because their mother has announced that she's ready to go, as this is a rookie mistake that might leave us waiting for upwards of thirty minutes in the foyer, like a family of jerks. I know my father would be pleased if this wisdom were to benefit anyone listening today.

My father told me that the best time of his life was raising my brother and me when we were young. He was lucky to meet [his widow] and get to start all over again watching her children grow up. He enjoyed being their dad in the way that any of us would enjoy demonstrating something we both love doing and are inordinately skilled at.

This is not to say that my father made being a dad look easy. He made nothing look easy. Nothing he did was half-assed, and the many people who counted on him knew that he would employ one hundred percent of his ass in anything he did. His children all learned that doing things right required effort, and getting good results was worth whatever passing indignity we might endure. I regret that I couldn't show him the kitchen faucet that I installed in my house a couple of weeks ago, and I hope my daughters will one day be proficient enough in English to understand why they should never use the vocabulary they were exposed to during that operation.

I cannot express how lucky I am to have had the father I had. There's still a lot more I wish I could ask him, but I can't complain. He was always there for me. I will miss him.

krogerfoot · Aug 20, 2022

A final update, I hope: My lawyer ascertained that there was nothing left of my father’s estate after paying off debts on the sale of his house in Texas. His widow became a millionaire as the beneficiary of his life insurance, retirement accounts, and real estate property in Florida. She was not entitled to give away my father’s personal possessions, especially not to my brother, who had signed a disclaimer of his inheritance, but the cost of litigating this would not be worth it. The sort of painful upshot of the whole thing is basically that I get nothing because my father made no provision for me to get anything.

The only lessons that can be drawn from this episode are, I suppose, for those of us that might have heirs. If you don’t make concrete plans for who gets what after you die, your possessions will likely go to whoever gets there first to fill their pockets. If my father had only signed his will, things would likely have played out exactly the same way, since his widow would have simply rewritten it. I can’t fault her for assuming my brother would share my father’s personal belongings with me, though I doubt she would have trusted to leave him alone in a room with her purse.

I used Google to research the Cartier watches my brother ended up with, so now every website I visit includes ads for these items.

Well, maybe the lesson from one of my earliest posts remains: You never know when the last conversation you have with a loved one will turn out to be the absolute last time.

My father's Cartier watch

Out of TIME!

krogerfoot

krogerfoot

krogerfoot

cvalue13

Out of TIME!

Syrte

Omegafanman

Dan S

Syrte

krogerfoot

krogerfoot

krogerfoot

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