My father's Cartier watch

My father died a year ago, thankfully not of COVID-19, but because of the pandemic I (in Japan) could not attend his funeral (in the US). I wrote about it here (tl;dr: not an experience I recommend). I grew closer to my father with every passing year and was lucky to talk with him the day before he suddenly died. If your folks still walk the earth, give them a call, tell them you love them and make plans to visit.

The watch is a McGuffin in this story. That's my brother's wrist in the photo, with (one of?) the watch(es?) he came home from the funeral with. My father's widow handed it to him, along with a bag of shoes and some jewelry, in return for a signed waiver renouncing his claim to any inheritance. I suspect the photo is the closest I'll get to the watch.

Anyway, being excluded from the funeral and attendant document-signing festivities apparently left me as the only natural heir to my father's estate. This entitles me to two-thirds of what might be a fairly substantial amount of property (the widow gets the other third). I talked to a lawyer last year about about it, but my income cratered shortly thereafter and I became preoccupied with keeping my children fed and housed. Now that I seem to have skirted bankruptcy, I'm wondering if I should make a claim for something, at least.

If my father's estate is as substantial as it appears, splitting it with his widow is not going to put her in the poorhouse. It seems like it would be better to settle these things now rather than springing it on her children if she happens to die before I do. I'm sure they'll be furious to have to share their stepfather's estate with me, but honestly—they buried my father without making the slightest gesture toward including me in the ceremony, so I don't see any reason to try appealing to their sense of fairness or decency.

I'm unhappy with my brother's selfishness, but he doesn't deserve to be screwed out of an inheritance. He has a son of his own, who my father made a point of including in his (unsigned, worthless) will. He intended for his grandson to inherit something more than a bag of shoes, and I'd like to ensure that his share is something my brother can't appropriate.

But I don't know—possession is nine-tenths of the law, etc. How does this stuff work? Will I end up spending the rest of my life in a legal battle with my father's widow, hoping I'll collect enough to pay my lawyer? If this is a situation anyone here has found themselves in, I would appreciate your insight and advice.

In England, it would be possible to get litigation funding for this kind of claim. I would have thought that, as the market is more developed in the US, you should be able to find a lawyer who will work in a way that means no upfront cost to you, but a portion of any recovery will go to pay the lawyer/any funder. Some people find that unacceptable.

Subject and story don't match !

Ouch, sorry you're going through this. This is why it's so important to have a will, and an executor. A couple of years ago I turned 60 and REALLY got serious about getting my affairs in order. Have everything in a three ring binder in the safe. Wills, investment accounts, funeral arrangements, the whole deal. The only sticking point was what would happen to our young son. Me and the warden are both the youngest. There was some friction on who's relatives would take guardianship of him. We both named our preference, and punted. Decided to let the court decide who gets him. If there is no will, everything has to go through probate. You don't want this. Remarriages, step kids, ex wives... Yikes it has potential to get really sticky!!! Luckily we don't have any of these circumstances. Back to the OP, I'd find an attorney who would work on a contingency basis.

I’m glad I finally managed to post about this, as I don’t know any disinterested party I could talk to. I did speak with a lawyer in Texas, where my father was a resident when he died, although he actually died at a second home in Florida. The retainer is actually quite low, but I was in a deep financial hole after buying a house of my own just before the pandemic halved my income. The lawyer says in Texas, with an intestate death, the spouse gets a third and the children get the rest.

I’m mostly wanting to make a decision that’s not motivated purely by bitterness. The situation has made me face a lifelong habit of assuming that I’m less deserving than those who suffer more loudly. No one will honor me at my own funeral for being too noble to intervene while everyone else filled their pockets with the fruits of my father’s lifetime of hard work.

And, the watch(es). The one thing my dad actually specified wanting me to have! I don’t know if the watches were worth anything—I don’t even know how many of them there were—but it’s not like that matters. I would very much like to have had something from my father. Even if my brother had just split the cash he got for selling his haul with me, it would have helped as I spiraled toward bankruptcy earlier this year. My dad’s widow made a grand gesture about keeping that stuff “in the family” and then handed it to someone she knew full well would take it directly to the nearest pawn shop, pausing only for a selfie wearing it all. I think I am somewhat bitter about that point.

So sorry for your loss dear @krogerfoot - and to hear the pettiness and financial predicament added even more sadness. It really sounds worth fighting for what you’re entitled to, at the very least for your own children.
Wishing you the best with it.

Thanks all for the informative and kind replies. I was half expecting more along the lines of "you heartless bastard, what makes you think you deserve anything from your dead father." In fact, I've been surprised at how worked up I get when I see people posting photos of their inherited watches and it helped a bit to be able to tell my story. I don't know what will happen, but I agree that I will regret not standing up for what I'm entitled to.

Again, if you still have one or both of your parents, I can't stress enough how you may never know when the last time you talk to them will be the absolute last time.

Your English is admirably clear and I appreciate your comments. I agree with you about unnecessary conflict. I think the likely coming conflict with my father's widow, though, is necessary. With my brother, it's not the first time he's done something like this and won't be the last. He's straightened himself out before and he'll either do it again, or he won't. He knows on some level what he's doing and he has to live with himself, which makes me just feel bad for him.

I'm terribly sorry for your loss. As others have said you should fight for what is rightfully yours.

I'm certainly not disagreeing with you as I'm no legal expert, but could you elaborate?