I am very sorry about the news of your Dad, for you and your entire family. I can only reiterate what many here have said, i.e., to take advantage of every opportunity to spend as much time with him as possible, whether you can do that road trip or not.

I received an e-mail from my mother one night seven years ago informing me that my father had suffered a stroke while my parents were vacationing in Europe. He never regaining consciousness and died a couple of days later, as I learned from a phone call from the hospital. So obviously, no chance to "say goodbye" or do anything else. But I am comforted by my memories of his final weeks, leading up to that European vacation. I tried to dissuade him from going, as he had suffered a smaller stroke a year earlier, but he wouldn't hear of it. In retrospect, I see he spent that final year, and especially the last couple of months, almost frantically trying to get to one bucket list item after another, well aware that the over activity would likely shorten his remaining life even more. (He obviously had information about his medical condition he wasn't fully sharing, even with my mother.) But that was his choice. What comforts me is that he chose to spend some of that precious final year with me, and I never turned down a chance to do so. So, that's my advice: Take every possible opportunity to be with your father.

 

What awful news. I have no advice to offer but treasure the time you have left with him. My heart goes out to you through this time.

 

Strip off your ego and all your priorities. Be there and be with him. Tell him everything you feel about him. Everything you said in your message to start this thread and more. Leave nothing unsaid. It will be very emotional and you'll think you shouldn't be doing it, but do it anyway. The time spent will be incredible for the both of you.

Both my wife and I couldn't be there at the fading of several family and friends over the years. Our hearts are heavy we didn't decide to put life aside and just be there when we knew we should.

 

Very sorry to hear, Steve. In reading through the condolences in this thread I'm reminded that this forum represents a civilized and thoughtful community, and aside from watches, something that brings us all together is an unfortunate familiarity with cancer. I wish you and your father peace in your respective ways, and hope you're able to spend as much time with him as possible.

 

When my mum passed away I was thousands of miles away and did not get the chance to say goodbye before she died.
It does not play on my mind because the last thing I told her every time we spoke on Skype or the phone was that I loved her. I said that to her everytime I left the house growing up and every night as a kid before going to bed.
We had the usual arguments and falling outs along the way, she was a long way from perfect and could be the most annoying person on the planet but she was the only mum I had and I loved her very much.
I am 100% sure your dad knows how much you love him and is at peace knowing that. Thank him for being the best dad you could have wished for and tell him you will see him on the other side. Then focus on being the best dad you can to your son. You can't do much more than that. May your dad rest in peace when it his turn to take his final journey.

 

I was with my dad when he passed and I was holding his hand as he slipped away. I had heard that hearing is the last thing to go so I just told him I loved him and what a great father he had been. I was so glad that I was there. Funny thing was, once he had gone, instead of being upset and tearful (like I am now!), I found it completely peaceful as I knew his pain and suffering was over and I sat with him for a good ten minutes before I called the doctor. I think it would be a great comfort to me if one of my children are with me when I go.

 

So sorry to hear and I feel your pain. Be with him now as much as you can.

 

Sincere condolences to you and your family. I have lost both of my parents (almost 43 years ago.)

My late father always told us that he would NOT die in a hospital. I knew he was ill the week before he died, and I told him he should let me take him the Emergency. He flatly refused. I knew that to call an ambulance would kill him flat out. I had no choice but to let him die his way, at home, in his favourite recliner, with his shoes on. He died three days later.

I was with my mum when she died. She was in a coma when she passed, from a massive stroke. She had spent over 20 years, slowly dying. So her death was a blessed relief to her, and the family got over it. I still miss them both.

As my late sister said when her second born died at 28 months from SIDS. “Life is for the living”. I have several regrets at the death of my younger sister. She had lived 3,000 miles a way, for over 40 years. So there was a physical separation, but we were still close. We have a family burial plot where I live. But her family had her cremated, and scattered the ashes. I will miss having the opportunity to visit her grave.

When my time comes, I hope it’s quick. Not to be “warehoused” in an institution, being nursed like a baby.

All the best to you and yours.

 

My father turned 66 years old a few years ago on Christmas Day. He's impossible to buy for so instead I made a list of the 66 most cherished memories I have of him. I put them down on paper and I had them framed and wrapped. He opened the gift and realized what it was and put it away before reading them all as tears were filling his eyes. "Your crying, I'm not crying" he said.
So, maybe make a list of the little things that you'll always cherish and look back on and either laugh or shake your head at and read those to him and reminisce. As a parent, we often don't realize how much the little things matter. It'll also give you a chance to thank him for all the life lessons and he'll know that they will be passed along.
I'm fortunate to still have my parents, heck I still have all four of my grandparents and I recently turned 50 so I can't say I've walked in your shoes so I'm just trying to provide ideas.
I pray that you, your dad and your family find peace. May your memories of him always be good ones and may your good days outnumber the bad...
Good thoughts and prayers your way...

 

My heart is with you Steve. I've lost both my parents - too soon - but my dad was the first, and still the hardest, because it was sudden. He was 68. My mom was 78, and was given 9 months to live with AML - acute myeloid leukemia - she made it 13 months.

Having the chance to make peace and say goodbye was so much better for me than having my dad ripped out of my life - there one day and gone the next.

There is only one thing with my dad's passing that made it a bit easier. The night he died he called me randomly and asked if my wife and I wanted to go get dinner at a restaurant not far from our house. Now while we lived in the same town, we literally could not have lived further apart. It was about a 50 minute drive across town from our house to theirs, so unplanned meeting for dinner like this never happened.

So we didn't get together very often - but that night he called, and we were free, so we met him, my stepmom, and her mom for dinner at a Greek restaurant. My dad was in great spirits - they were talking about a trip up the Pacific coast they would be leaving for the following week, and it was honestly a perfect evening - and that wasn't always the case.

We all left and I can crystal clear remember seeing him driving their van out of the parking lot. My wife and I remarked about how it was one of the best times we had with them in ages.

The next morning while I'm at work I get a hysterical call from my step sister that my dad had died that night. That was by far the worst day of my life, and was tempered only by the fantastic previous night that I got to spend with him.

 

What terrible news. Take it as a small favor that you have a couple of weeks, though. Spend time with him. If you still have questions about things growing up or want to ask about grandparents, cousins, etc., time to do that. Or retell old stories about your growing up, or his, or tell him about your son.

My mom had 16 months after her pancreatic cancer diagnosis, and they said at the time of diagnosis that it might be between 1 and 3 years. I'm glad to have had so much time with her, although it can never really be enough. Good holidays, more time bonding between her and my daughter, some time seeing how her household bookkeeping was set up, then taking care of her 6 days a week for the last couple of months.

 

The end of a loved one's life is never easy, never. My dad had a massive heart attack and died in front of me when I was 15 years old while watching television, no chance to say goodbye. Thirty five years later I was living in Melbourne, Australia when I got a call from my sister at 2am saying mom was not doing well and I should come home.....it's 24 hours from Australia back to Texas, nurses said she was hanging on until I got there, and she died 90 minutes after I arrived so I did have a chance to say goodbye. She knew I was there although she was not communicative.

The remaining time your dad has is for him.....remind him of the good times and how much he meant to you. Do not make it a time for you to express regrets for things not done. That time is over. And never give false hope, it's unfair to everyone.

Good luck, and I hope your dad's transition is peaceful and the living are left with good memories of a life well lived.

 

Sorry to read this. I can't imagine how awful it must be for you knowing what's coming. I'm a bereavement counsellor. As long as you are on good terms with your dad and have told him you love him there's not much more that you can do other than ask him if there is anything he wants. The challenge comes later when you miss him terribly and are on your journey of learning how to hold him in your heart, carrying his memory with you as you continue through life.

 

Hey Steve,

I'm so sorry to hear of your father's cancer; no matter when in life we get it, that is terrible news to receive.

I can empathize with your position. My father died of pancreatic cancer while I was in high school, and after that I watch and looked after his parents as they both were diagnosed with cancers. Watching that decline up close is terrible.

As others here have mentioned, I would just try and spend time with your father and not give false hope. It's hard to do and act like things are somewhat normal, but I found it was better to not get dramatic. One thing I wish I had done was learn more about my family members' experiences growing up, what they found rewarding, dreamed of doing as a kid, etc.

The only suggestion I have for when your father has passed is to share the things you did with him with someone else. It sounds like working on your Mustang could work. I found that was a good way to balance cherished memories while making new ones.

All the best and I hope these next weeks are peaceful. You'll be in my thoughts from TN.

 

Oh man @1972Steve , I went through something very similar with my Dad 8 years ago, he was 50 at the time and I was about to graduate College and I was in a different country at that time.

I was able to spend his last week with him in the Hospital, he had Hemacromatosis (Excess of iron in the Blood) which basically rusts every single organ in the body and it is hard man, I fully understand. What I did was to spend every second I could with him in the last days, I made him know that we were going to be ok, so he could rest in peace. It is hard to understand God's will, we wish to have people who are closer to us to be available to us forever and unfortunately that is not the case. Talk to him, tell him how much you love him and thank him for all the good moments he gave you. I'm sure he knows what a good Family man he raised. Hug him, kiss him and enjoy the days you have left with him, watch his favorite movie with him, or read him a book he enjoys. Something that I will tell you is, they never leave, they will continue looking out for you and giving you many more blessings, you will soon earn an angel.

I wish you a peaceful time with your family, talk to your son, he will also need it. Big hug for you man. We don't know each other but i think we all here are admires of time. So enjoy the time left with him and tell him how much you love him. Cheers!

 

Steve sending you and your family my heartfelt support for the difficult weeks ahead.

My father died when I was 18 from lung cancer. My last living memory of him is when he asked me to wheel him outside the hospital one evening to enjoy "a quick ciggie for the road". As the eldest he asked me to look after my mum and two younger brothers, then we talked about football for a bit, he wheezed some brilliant Buddy Holly, and we had a chug on my hipflask together in the pouring rain. He died that night.

In the years since I have taken much solace in the fact that we were able to say goodbye on our own terms. So many people just don't get that opportunity and it sounds as though you and your dad will also be able to do the same. So that is my advice to you; perhaps embrace this one small mercy and the peace it bestows on both sides. Good luck and god bless.

 

As someone who has lived and is living with family members with cancer, please know that I am thinking of your family and hope things go as well as they can.

I lost my father to it when I was 15yrs old. Know that I understand your feelings and I hope you get some more great memories before anything happens. Mine passed suddenly without warning so I wasn’t able to even say goodbye.

One of my tattoos:

 

I'm so sorry to hear this!! But happy too, as I see you have precious time to spend with him, your family to spend with him!!
Two bullets took my dad in a robbery 21 years ago, I was 23 and to this day, the only thought that brings tears in my eyes is listening to those paramedic a$$holes to follow the ambulence instead of going with him. He died on the way there and missed the chance of holding his hand, making him know we were there with him those last moments...for HIM as @Evitzee said!!!
Follow everyone's wise advice, spend time with him, hold his hand, put your hand on his shoulder, make physical contact, say how much you love him...this is paradise imho...

 

Amazing stories of courage, kindness, and compassion. I can add nothing other than to encourage you not to feel uneasy about breaking down in front of your friends. That is what makes us human, and it is not at all a weakness. They will need you to hold them up one day, because none of us are spared from this.

 

Almost 10 years now my Dad has been gone. After 40 years a outliving(heart failure) the doctors that told him to get his affairs' in order, his last Doc asked us to consider "just letting him go". Rather than adjusting the meds and doing this and that and having him back in the hospital again in a couple weeks we stopped all treatment. Over the next few days he just slipped away.