OF friends

With heavy heart my Father has been given three to four weeks to live due to damn cancer. For those of you that have lost loved ones what do you wish you would have done, said...etc before they passed

Dad had a PET scan yesterday. With my physician connections I was able to get his report before he sees it tomorrow. He has metastatic cancer. His liver, pancreas, omentum, diaphragm are all covered with cancer. One of his lungs is partially deflated and has fluid around it. My physician friend told me he believes he has 3-4 weeks to live. Dad is not eating much, is out of breath, and very weak. It’s killing me that he has hope of beating this and going into remission.

Seeing Dad scared and crying is eating me up inside especially for such a solid rock in my life. Last month he was relatively fine and attended my sons football game so this is all shocking.

I write this as a form of getting the pain out and it’s easier to send off to forum members than crying in front of my friends.

Dad at 75 years of age has been a fantastic father, mentor, friend. He is the type of man that would do anything for a friend and give the shirt off his back.

To any members that have experienced this what are you glad you did, wish you would have done before your loved one passed?

Thank you

-Steve

 

Such awful news. I have no advice and haven’t been through anything like it. So sorry to hear and thoughts are with you.

 

That is heartbreaking to read. I have not been through this myself, but my wife's 73 year old father passed away a few months ago. He went in for a risky surgery, had complications, and spent the next month in the hospital as he strength grew and then subsided. He passed away on my wife's birthday, 3 days before her trip to go see him (we are in the US, her parents are in Russia). She talked to him via phone and skype every few days, but they figured she would have a bit of time to spend with him once she got over there. So from her experience, I would say spending as much time as you can with him, and talking to him about all sorts of things in life, would be a great starting point. If he has any things he really wants to do, see, etc., then of course that would be priority one.

 

@gostang9 - Dad bought me a 1966 Mustang Fastback that I still own to this day. He purchased it for me when I was 14. I’ve kept it for 33 years now. Dad has such great foresight. I will miss working on it with him.

 

Such a bittersweet thing, at least you’ll still have the car after he’s gone. It’s remarkable how cars can have such deep emotional ties to important people in our lives.

Will you be able to spend some time cruising with him in the next few weeks? Might be nice to capture an in-car video of him driving in it with you...

So gutted for you. Truly gutted.

 

I got to do what I wanted: I sat next to my dad as he lay in bed at the ICU. I told him about my day. I made jokes about my brothers. He opened his eyes and told me I was crazy. I told him I loved him. I kissed him on top of his forehead. I left that night for him to rest and he passed the next morning before I made it back. Us - telling stories and sharing love till the end.

My advice: just be with your dad. Reading your story tells me he reared a good man. Go be that good man. Love him, grieve with him, celebrate him, but don’t pity him; live with him while he lives with you.

Let him know what you have let us know - that you are PROUD to be your father’s son.

God bless you and give you and your family peace and comfort in these trying days.

 

Absolutely terrible news.

I’m so sorry to hear about your father’s illness and I sincerely hope for strength for you and the rest of your family during the next few weeks and months. He sounds like a man who has earned your respect and love and I’m confident that the lessons, memories and example he has given to you will live on.

 

If the weather cooperates tomorrow and his pain is controlled he wants to go on one last drive with me to his hometown in Spring Hill Iowa. A drive we have done many times together. This one will be the most cherished. I’ll have a hard time keeping my tears back as I am now.

 

I don’t know how all the youtubers do it, but it sure would be great to capture footage of that to replay later. I’m sure there’s a special song to put with it as a soundtrack... fingers crossed that Mother Nature behaves for you so you get an awesome drive!

 

I remember someone advised my wife and I to make a point of stopping at some point during our wedding reception, capturing a mental picture and memory of a moment to think back on later. I did so, and that memory is still very vivid in my mind.

With all the activity and emotions in the next flurry of weeks, perhaps take a moment and capture his face, his smile, his voice, and lock it down as a permanent memory of how great he is.

 

Sad sad news, the worst of any kind.
Hi @1972Steve, I lost my dad to the dreaded C a few years ago. I had a 1955TF MG that we worked on together. Sold it after he passed as it was too much.

I would try to let him talk about his family history and record it if you can.
Enjoy every moment and the drive
Spend time with him even if you don't say anything.

My thoughts are with you and your dad at this time.

 

Sorry to hear about your father. My dad passed away 15 years back, at 55 years young. I wont go into details about his condition, but he passed away when i was still studying aboard.

I wish i could spend every single available time with him when he was still around. I still remember the walks i took with him, often he won't remember who i was. He always thought I was his brother (he had very very bad dementia).

But I remember the evening walk i took him, when he actually remembered who I was; his son. He asked me how i was doing (strange because he sees me every day yet i think he doesn't remember how I look). I asked him some questions if he knows what year it was, what day etc.., and he was able to answer everything rather accurately. Makes me ponder, if he was subconsciously aware of the time and place yet there's a greater sickness taking over him)

I urge you to be strong when he passes. I know its such an easy thing to say, but I had to hold my father's picture and watch them lower his body into the ground, that was the hardest one for me. I still remember it very clearly this day.

My father is still very much in my memories and that particular walk i took with him; i am very grateful for it. Because I know he is still who he is; and being Asian, he doesnt talk much back when he was healthy.

Take the chance to spend time with your father; do the favorite things you always do together and when he passes; you know you have done absolutely everything to spend the time left with him.

 

My wife said that after her father passed she wished she spent more time thinking about the good times, even in those last days. There is time to grieve after, during which, of course, you will also favour the memories of the good days.

 

Wonderful advice and thank you for sharing your love, pain and struggle. This helps me. Thank you

 

Thank you DaveK

 

I lost my Dad last Christmas time. To begin with, be sure you tell him all the great things you just told us about him. If you have already told him that, tell him again. As others have said, just be with him.

I feel for you. It is a hard time, but not something that you want to miss. Be with him, there is still time to make more good memories. Take care!

 

Sorry to hear this Steve.

I’m a firm believer that death is not natural. I also know it is very real and dreadfully painful. I’m glad that this place and these people can provide you with a listening ear. I pray your family can find comfort and peace as they experience this loss.

Before my Aunt died of cancer, my mother helped coordinate some gifts for her children. Each received a special painting and a handwritten note from their mom. She wrote those notes knowing she would not be around to watch them read them. It meant a lot to her kids to have that love and guidance from their mom that could last even when she was gone.

Maybe there are ways you can help your dad be remembered and honored by your children as well. It would likely be very special for your children and your dad.

 

@1972Steve I just lost my father-in-law 2 weeks ago. He too was doing well attending family functions and enjoying time with his buddies at his favorite bar. Then about a month ago he suddenly lost his appetite and became lethargic. He saw his family doctor who admitted him to the hospital and then the dreaded metastatic cancer diagnosis. We were told he had weeks to a few months but we travelled to meet him within a week of the diagnosis. He was over the moon to see us and his grandchildren-one of which he never met. We stayed the weekend visiting him. We had the opportunity to even have lunch outdoors during what turned out to be a beautiful sunny day as he tried his best to eat his McDonald's shake and burger. We talked fondly about our experiences with him-the golf, bowling, woodworking, musical events attended, etc and how we yearned to do it again. His response: "We will do them again one day.." and said that he will live on through our children. Rough, very rough. As we left, we promised to return again. A few days later he passed. That weekend we spent with him will never be forgotten. We are so grateful we didn't wait to see him.

Spend as much time with him as possible. If you have children bring them along. Though it will be difficult at times, catch up on old times and be comforting. Once mottling progresses be aware you have very little time to make peace with him. My thoughts are with you and your family.

 

So sorry for you Steve. Thanks for sharing this with the Forum.

I empathize with you just now. It's been some long months here due to my mother's precipitous decline. She's 84. For our family it's not been shocking, but it has been grueling. She's been failing steadily for some years. A couple of heart issues as well as Lewy body dementia have taken their toll. Only days ago her doctor stated that we're at the end-of-life stage now as her weight drops daily. She's down to 75 lbs.

I'll include your dad and you in my bedtime prayers.

 

So sorry to hear this story. It’s all too familiar now days as our patents, grandparents and friends age. The number one thing to do spend time, listen and be with him when he passes. I have see too many people pass away with no loved ones by there side. Death is a ride we all must take but while waiting to get there it should be filled with the ones he’s loves and those who love him. Sit quietly, listen and be there as he was there for you. This won’t be easy but your father has been preparing you for this your whole like. Again very sorry that your dad was given this burden and I wish it to be swift, peaceful, and pain free. I’m praying for your father, family and you have peace over these next few weeks/months.