Woo... that hits home, Jim.

 

Allow me to bitch for a minute. We had a very near fatal OD yesterday left my head a bit screwed as a female had fallen out on the side of the building hiding in the evergreens. I just noticed a shoe sticking out. Luckily someone else screamed cause I thought it was just a shoe. Didn’t see a person attached to it. Sounds weird but I see a lot of weird things.

So I hop the fence, heavy old wrought iron fence did something funky to my side to the point I still can’t suck in a full gasp of air. I start poppin narcan nasal spray into her and doing that uncomfortable chest rub thing I’m barely getting a response. Luckily paramedics had the injection so that started bringing her back. Fortunately she is ok. I know this girl don’t work so the next day(today) when she returned from the ER I asked her where she got money. She sold her food stamps at one of the local bodegas.

In the US or a lot of it food stamps are called SNAP I know what it stands for but too annoyed to spell it out. These bodegas give the snap recipients 25-50 cents on the dollar and take the tax payers money shove it in their pocket. It’s actually quite lucrative I talked to a guy who got busted for it he was raking I’m the cash.

Anyway I’m so sick of these bastards doing this I’m gathering intel as our residents aren’t that quiet and I’m going to start reporting these stores. I got one in the works already I kinda stupidly confronted them myself they acted like they were going for a gun so I politely took my leave. Ya actually that wasn’t smart on my part as some of this is organized crime and I do walk by the place getting my lunch. I’m just so sick of the overdoses and wasted life’s. On a positive note one other resident saw all the crap I had to do and asked me if I could help him get into rehab. I’ll have him in Tuesday hopefully depending on bed availability. This girl could have had a “free” I always remind them nothing is free it’s tax dollars and the money printer paying for it housing in probably a month. She just blew that. Anyway I’m really considering getting work at a convenience store as I get jealous of the dude who rings up my coffee in the AM. He always seems so Zen like. I seem to have a headache at least two to three times a week. Maybe I’ll feel better if I take out a few of these tax scamming bodegas without getting a bullet I’m my head.

Thanks sorry to vent but this girl was blue I really thought we lost her. Shit I gotta remember what watch I was wearing yesterday I don’t know if I got it good with the fence. Another dumb thing I could have opened the gate and gone around instead of Starsky and Hutchin the damn thing but the screams got me going. May the times you live in be interesting I guess. And no I’m not a hero or saint ( although one of my nicknames is Jimmy the saint) that’s only because I have an our father and Hail Mary ritual. As a matter of fact I often drive home doubting my own sanity.

 

@Walrus

God damn the pusherman.

Thers was a similar arrangement in Seattle next to my daughter's apartment near her University. Hundreds of people at times, nearly always a dozen or more. We knew the food mart was buying food stamps. We knew because my daughter talked to the police, who told her. Their hands were tied. This went on until Seattle got a new mayor and stopped it.

Those places don't like publicity and neither do politicians. Leave the police detective work to the police. I bet Jimmy the Saint would be a good news segment and maybe annoy some politicians.

 

Ah thanks for the warning but there is a tip line where you can report the stores. I think they even have a reward if it leads to conviction but I’ll do it anonymously it’s not financially driven.

The reason I know how lucrative it is, as mentioned I sell a lot of crap my wife buys to flip. One year we had 20 or so TV’s. I sold them all for her but one sale was to a gentleman from the Middle East I want to say Turkey but it’s been a while. He was pullin in 100’s of thousands in a crappy store. Someone showed him how to pull the scam. He said he got greedy and went overboard. It can become federal at a certain level which he hit so he did half a decade and has to pay back 500k.
I have no clue why but he pretty much told me his life story and the regret and stupidity he felt. Actually felt bad for the dude besides we all are capable of something stupid and most, well me, requires ample doses of forgiveness. Gave him a good deal on the TV.

So thanks I’ll be using the fraud line. It was not my finest moment confronting the store where I know she sold her SNAP emotions over intellect gets me on occasion

 

Hindsight, it probably wasn’t the best (or safest) to confront, but dang I love your passion and swagger. I’m just as guilty about confronting BS when I see it. Still doesn’t make it the smartest thing to do. Hat tip to you, good Sir!

 

I'm with both of you on this one. There's an art to it, but it sometimes needs to be done.

"Bad men need nothing more to compass their ends, than that good men should look on and do nothing." -John Stuart Mill

 

Exactly. And you are right, there is an art to it. I’ve gotten better as I’ve aged into my mid 50’s. I’m just as blunt, but temper it with more tact while staying in the tactical mindset. Body language speaks volumes, both mine and theirs.

 

Bitch about America? I think baseball and bitching about America are national pastimes. It is always numerous “if that SOB DJT is elected President I’m moving from US” Never happens. GB the USA.
Anyway, kumbyya. Have a nice day. Etc etc

 

Thanks for posting this Norm. One thing Ill hand the younger generation is they are a lot more open about the topic and the concerns about mental health are more forefront. It takes us all to nudge this into open discussion like this to destigmatize it. I am happy share to anyone with ears that I struggled with depression for years and have been on a maintenance medication of Lexipro for over a decade and it has made life way more manageable. Mental health is health care. <3

 

There’s a funeral today. Bright, bubbly 26 year old who was sandwiched between my two sons in age. He worked in his family’s successful business. I coached him when he was young. Great kid who was battling something none of us knew. He took his life this week when his life was just getting started. He clearly didn’t see another way out. I’m deeply saddened. Make sure all your family (and perhaps you) know that there is always an alternative and help. Prayers for the family.

 

Thank you for highlighting such an important illness that many suffer from.

 

Been there way too many times myself. I was actually talking with my therapist about suicide just yesterday, a fairly common topic for me. Unfortunately for some of us the darkness is unrelenting, inexplicable to anyone who hasn't been there, scarier at some times than others but ever present. Fortunately even in that relentless darkness I have always managed to come back to the two things that are keeping me here:

--- I can't get past the pain I would inflict on the people who care about me, it's not a moral thing, just having seen first hand what it does to the people left behind, I can't go there right now.

--- And if I can say or do something to help someone emerge from their own darkness I guess it's worth sticking around.

Hard to believe I started this post over seven years ago, I hope I've achieved reason number two with it at least few times.

Sorry for your loss.

 

I think the problem is that people that don't have depression cannot understand it. Most people assume it's like you're in a bad mood. From what I'm told it's much worse than that.

 

Is that from the book darkness visible?

 

No, unfortunately it's from my own head.

 

Needed to double check the date, not the kid I knew.
Had a 26 year working for us. Had serious depression issues. Needed place to live after difficulties with family member he lived with. The poor kids parents didn’t want him back in their home because he would disturb their good children. Was not a violent or bad kid, just sad. Hope they suffer and rot in hell.

 

Revisiting this. Took a while but the store that was in my sight has a “no ebt” sign on the front door. I don’t know if it was my report to DSS that did it or something else but one small victory only 3,900 more stores in the city to go.

 

I know this is frankly peripheral, but you write gritty journalism in a way that suggests you may have missed a vocation there. I thought your account of the incident was truly striking. (Perhaps a Congressperson or two should read it some time.)

 

I've thought about posting this off-and-on since I found this thread.


I've never been clinically depressed. However, I have felt deep, dark despair and hopelessness.

There's another topic that we just don't talk about. Abuse. Whether it's spouse or parent; the results of drug and alcohol use and/or the result of personality disorder- we rarely talk about emotional, verbal, or physical abuse.

We don't talk about it because if we've been abused, we may see ourselves as weak- or that there is something wrong with us.
We don't talk about it because we may have come to believe we're not worth saving.
We don't talk about it because the abuser may still be present in our lives, and we may fear reprisal, either direct or through others.
We don't talk about it because it may have been a parent (or parents), and if a parent did not love us, we may not feel worthy of love.
We don't talk about it because it may have been a spouse or partner, and if a partner did not love us, we may not feel worthy of love.

We don't talk about it because in spite of it, we may have become successful, contributing members of society.
Or, maybe we don't talk about it because we thought we got over it a long time ago.

Abuse is never as simple as "they hit me, I cried." it is Orwellian. Lovecraftian. It is a complex, convoluted, and continuing pattern of systematic attack. It's often difficult to explain to people who are outside the situation and many people may not be able to see or comprehend that it is happening, especially in cases where the abuse is covertly directed from a parent to child, or from someone who suffers from NPB or BPD and seems otherwise mostly normal to an outside observer. Or, from a parent that suffers from NPD or BPD. And it is incredibly common for abusers to engage in DARVO (deny, attack, reverse victim/offender) tactics if they are confronted.

And lastly, it almost never takes the form that a "normal person" thinks it should or is looking for.

This isn't a cry for help from me. I have gotten the help I needed. But, if even one person reading this thread has been in an abusive situation, has felt the intense shame that accompanies being abused, the hopelessness of not being loved by someone who should love you- get help. No matter how successful you are now. And, most of us participating on this forum and in this conversation are probably relatively "successful."

Talk about it with someone. Find a good counselor. It can impact us in bigger ways than we realize, and come boiling back to effect our lives years after it happened.