Because We Need To Talk About It

I dunno about you, I'd take the cats over some humans! The bond is what's important, not who/what it's with.

80 hours a week? Are you trying to run out the new ETA movements? Slow down man! Get an beer, share the sunset, walk on the beach with your partner, cattos, sniff the roses, enjoy the mushroo....aaaah zip!

Jokes aside, like most of us, we have a fair idea what's hurting us. You know what you need to do.

It's stupid how we just want to be regular functioning human beings but are denied the resources to be so. I hate 'blaming'/explaining/justifying myself based on a condition(s) that are manageable. They say mental issues are invisible, I respectfully disagree, because when things go sideways after all the warning sides are ignored then it becomes a brouhaha.

After reading about a hilarious incident with Ambien in another thread, I was very uncomfortably reminded about my short stint with olanzapine. Criminal? Junkie? try Joker. *imitating Trump with hand gestures* Not Noice.

Get the new Seiko SKX GMT, 3 watches in 1, so your quota for 2 months should be met. That should help!

As it's still illegal here, I'm going to phrase this carefully. Everything I did was based purely based on anecdotal information, various fora, and members i interacted with at Group who shared with me their experiences. I can speak more openly about marijuana as not only is it legal here, but it's honestly a part of my culture; I'm from a hilly part of India bordering Nepal, grows abundantly there and use it for a bunch of stuff, including making tea-time fritters! Cannabis indica, hello peeps!

Self-medication is slippery slope, I stupidly used booze when I was younger. One must be careful to avoid these becoming a crutch. I vape flower/bud/weed when I can't sleep and I know it will clear out of my system and head within 6 hours once I become familiar with a strain.

I used mushrooms when things got really, really bad. Learning how booze and other substances affected me in the medium (now long) term drove me to find alternative, safer ways of MANAGING the MOMENT (people often forget, all this is transitory. Please folks, don't forget this, everything passes). My experience with mushrooms starts off like cannabis edibles: it starts slow, and builds. My mind feels like how one's body floats to the surface from the bottom of a very, very deep pool: slow at first and then then quicker but never scary, the light getting brighter till you see your reflection on the bottom surface of the water, and then you break through. Where cannabis subdue one's psyche and can make you feel like being bundled like a burrito in a heated and weighted blanket, 'shrooms feels like laying on a grassy field during a not-too-warm summer. It dissolves the noise. It brings about a different kind of peace. A stillness, a silence that doesn't terrify. Sometimes with the presence of long-missed imaginary friend. I feel safe, unencumbered, free of the daily devils that dwell in my head and heart. I don't feel irresponsible, careless, or feel like I'm invincible. Those concepts don't arise, I just end up carefree and placid in the most agreeable manner. It's not a placidity like a lobotomy, but more like wide-eyed, well-mannered, calm and composed 5 year old full of wonder staring up at the Milky Way and just soaking it all in, in quiet gratitude. It's wonderful and wonderous. The clarity the next morning is akin the ECT, minus the squeaky voice and body ache.

I never went beyond 5gms. I've had more hallucinatory issues with SNRIs than I've had with mushrooms, but I've encountered slight synaesthesia at that dose. The people I know who continue to use it have mastered the art of micro-dosing, they tell me tea works best. If I were to use it today, I would do as a kind of maintenance affair (as one develops a tolerance to it rather quickly at larger doses), once every couple of months over a long weekend having pre-ordered a couple of deep-dish Chicago styled pizzas, and plenty of fluids.

Please bear in mind that at last few uses I was completely off any and all forms of psychiatric medication and so can not speak to interactions with those compounds. I have been warned that, like LSD, one needs to be in a good headspace prior to consumption. Once I figured this out, I would make a weekend of it. Lock the door, inform your loved ones and then turn off the ringer, take a bath (yes, 'stew in your filth' as Mum would say), shave, get the room temperature just right, draw the blinds, rub one out, put on soothing music of choice, a lil cannabis vape to kick-start the session and then ingest your desired dose. Sometimes I would lucid dream, fall asleep, and let the 'magic' do its thing; sometimes I'd pick up Bertrand Russell and scribble my notes (mainly Kant is an idiot), most times I'd just lay there and meditate. (Carefully avoiding the temptation of watch shopping or silly threads on OF under the influence about love-making or GMT rants 😜). I have also asked a trusted friend to stay sober during my evening and record my activities and voiced-out thoughts and guide be back if I was spiralling off. And i would do the same for her; Virgil and Dante as it were.

I've never had a bad 'trip' because I've come to realise that whilst we have our conditions, managing our environment is crucial to managing said conditions, which is why I'm explaining all this. Moving back west, I see a disturbing pill-popping attitude; the expectation of quick results and relief. I've found a more holistic approach more effective.

I'm not a New Age sort of fellow, you won't find me watching 'Ancient Aliens', donning rainbow beads, crystals, incense, homeopathy, and the like. I go with what works. My only clause is that so long as my actions or inactions are not detrimental to anyone else to a reasonable degree, I'll avail of it and do what I have to do. Kudos to you for helping her out, I hope this has been of help. A couple of years ago there was this show called Hamilton's Pharmacopeia, may be worth a watch!

Be careful with this, the memory loss is a double-edged sword. People I've opened up to about this ask me if it's like the 'Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind', and in some ways it can be; you know this now I'm sure.

I spent 4 years in Pune doing my undergrad. Found a decent set of friends and we started our own little marketing and public relations gig, met someone and got engaged, did well at Uni, and as things were coming along swimmingly; my issues began to recede to a point where it was manageable with minimal meds and effort.

Then the riots happened and I lost a roommate to a molotov cocktail, another to a bike accident, fiance cheated with my best friend so lost them both, got into a serious bike accident myself, the business started to fail due to the global recession(s) from '08-'12, a business partner and close friend committed suicide. I found him and was subsequently jailed for a bit as the Indian cops attributed it to the failing business and that fact that I was owed money. There's more..ugh.

I'm telling you this because the ECT helped 'fade' most of these into the background. Whatever I could recall felt like magazine snippets, in that they were fact with no emotion, just information in my head. Coupled with therapies and a general desire to 'look ahead' I was able to trudge on, but the trauma lay buried deep beneath the surface. Years later, my spiritually-minded mother developed sarcoidosis and despite our differences and my better judgement, I moved back to Dubai (where she was working at the time) to care for her so that my sister could focus at Uni back in England. Mum wanted to visit a temple in Shirdi and I had to accompany her, we had to fly into Pune to do so before driving over. 'Piece of piss' I thought, 'I'm better and well-equipped now,' I thought.

I was wrong.

People are scared of ghosts and poltergeists and what have you. Walking down those streets, smelling familiar smells, similar sights brought most of it back. Vividly. Those are the real ghosts that haunt. Have you ever belly-flopped into a pool from a 5m diving board? It felt like that: wind knocked out of you in an instant, mind paralyzed, body both frozen numb but electric with pain. Almost 20 years of practice developing a facade, cracked. In a moment, most of the progress I made went right out the window because I regressed right back to 2009, in the bathroom under running water in a foetal position.

Atleast that's how it was for me. I tell you this so you make the most of the ECT. Be mindful that those neurons can re-form/re-connect. You've been through a lot and there is no magic potion cure, I hope to alert you of this pitfall. Be mindful of what triggers you, and manage it. If you're like me, thoughts run faster than lightening and once my mind starts down a path... One can't hope to escape the demons if one is in Hell, gotta move out! As mentioned earlier, managing the environs is a large part of it.

Fiance 2 happened in Dubai, and met with a similar betrayal coupled with some physical abuse from her end. This time though, no ECT but walking down old neighbourhoods there, dining in my fav spots etc brought back her ghost. This time, like Mithridates, I embraced the poison slowly hoping to develop an immunity because I can't keep running everytime something bad happens, can I? It was largely successful, but only because I learned from past experience.

A wise man not only learns from the mistakes he makes, but those of others as well.

Looking back ECT had helped at that time, today I've developed a bit of a tool-kit. I do need help from time to time, but I'm wiser now that I'm aware of their limitations. Sure ECT may have its limitations, try and play to its strengths. Oh, if you're a creative person, continue practicing your art whatever it is, don't let that fade away. Whatever brings you joy, do it, re-invent or discover something new, distil it.

We will see you Tuesday (or whenever you're comfortable), fellow WIS. For everyone else, don't sell your favourite watch to fund an engagement ring; I miss my SpeedyPro Moonphase more than I do her! 😜

Hopefully you are speaking of one in the same? That is usually very effective as far as talk therapy if one can swing the cost.

Wow, thank you for sharing this. I didn't read through the entire thread, but read enough to know this is an issue that deserves to be front and center. Living in this day and age certainly exacerbates these conditions.
My mother has suffered depression for many years but has refused and continues to refuse treatment. I often wonder if I do as well but not to a degree that I feel I need outside help.

However, my 14-year-old daughter started having a mental crisis a couple of years ago that stemmed from bullying at school. We had her undergo a therapy treatment with a mental health professional and it was the best thing we could have done. She is a completely different person now and has developed into a self-confident, assertive young lady.

At the time, the therapist told us we took her in just in the nick of time, because as she continued to develop, some symptoms could have become irreversible. The saddest thing is that for part of her diagnosis and therapy, the psychologist sent a questionnaire to all of her school teachers. Out of the half-dozen of them, only one replied to the questionnaire, despite my repeated requests for their input. Then the school systems wonder why behavioral problems are rampant in schools.

This has been quite a learning experience for me and I now know how to identify certain cues so I can talk to my daughter right away to curb depressive ideations asap. And the things she shares with me about what goes on with kids these days has certainly left me flabbergasted.

I completely empathize with you. It's a hard hit to one's ego to digest the fact that our child confides in a stranger more than their parents. Then there's the uncertainty of what kind of "ideas" they might be putting in our child's head. But that's nothing compared to the feeling of helplessness when we realize our child is suffering.

After I got over my own insecurities and self-centeredness, I am now eternally grateful to her psychologist for the life-changing, positive influence she had on her.

so sorry that you have to bear this burden for the rest of your life....hopefully, medical research will advance
to the point where you can get a great amount of relief or cure.

Bless you, Walrus, truly God's work there in a homeless shelter.

If you wouldn't mind, can you comment on the kinds of health conditions you run into, and how you deal with them. I don't mean substance abuse(although I'm sure that's quite common) but the real world health issues that may be unique to living on the street. Thanks.