Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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Some Rolex humor today, I am not sure that I get it, but I will work harder and reach my goals.
 
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My aunt retired from the DMV after working there for 40 years. In that time, she waited on a dozen customers…
 
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Random thoughts: Has anyone tried to estimate:

What percentage of Mercury is Mercury?
What percentage of Neptune is Neptunium?
What percentage of Uranus is Uranium?
What percentage of Pluto is Plutonium?
 
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So my wife was a psychology major in college, and never passes up the opportunity to psychoanalyze me.

Just the other day, when I suggested we fire the pool boy, she said, “You’re obviously ineffectually dealing with your own loss of youth and virility.” My argument was, we don’t even own a pool…