Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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WHEN YOUR DAD, WHO BINGE ATE BURRITOS THE NIGHT BEFORE, ASKS YOU TO SMILE, AND CONCURRENTLY RIPS ONE BAD ENOUGH TO FOG THE WINDOWS:

 
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True story… but worthy of this thread. The reporter may begin this story with: « I am not joking »

 
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I saw something odd today, but I was in traffic, my phone was in its case, so I was unable to get a picture. I was in traffic, and I was behind a Nissan Rogue. I only caught a quick glimpse of the word Rogue, but I was certain the letters spelled ROUGE! I caught up with the Nissan and took another look. Sure enough, plain as can be, the word was ROUGE! Whether that was a factory fault, or someone did it on a lark, I don’t know. But I thought it funny/odd.

I saw a Suburban last week that was badged as a Bourbon. There must be some aftermarket provider for this.
 
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The Captain must like to sit on the throne backwards.
Maybe I should have written it "log"...
 
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Therapist: I need you to write letters to people who have wronged you, and then throw them into the fire.

Me: Okay, but what do I do with the letters?
 
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They say you are supposed to spend 3 months salary on the engagement ring, but they never say specifically which three months. So, I'm going with the summer I was unemployed...
 
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I once lived a stone's throw away from a family who all died of mysterious head injuries...