Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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I wonder how many vampires are run over each year by people backing up only using their mirrors?
 
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Could have been her swan song. At least she had a bird’s-eye view.
A little bird told me she was sick as a parrot, afterwards. She should have been more eagle-eyed.
 
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To be fair...It's a dog it will pee on everything and will gladly sniff out pee as one of his hobbies, no It's more likely he objects to smelling something that doesn't smell like pee or poop! 🤣
 
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Everything was backasswards in the good old days before mouth to mouth, you might wonder what kind of creep came up with this idea. But maybe he where on to something, this treatment might have waken me from the dead.
 
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Saw a news story that a local man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun…he was taken to the local hospital and he is reported to be fully recovered.
 
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Saw a news story that a local man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun…he was taken to the local hospital and he is reported to be fully recovered.

Dear oh dear - that qualifies as a classic dad joke.....