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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

Edward53
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- I say, did you hear about old Carruthers? The fella's living in sin up a tree with a monkey!
- Great Heavens! Male or female monkey?
- By Jove, female of course! Nothing unnatural about old Carruthers.
 
staristheanswer
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The bear wanted badly to beat up the wolf so he went to the fox so she would give him a good reason to beat him.
So when you see him :said the fox
ask him...where is your hat?
He will not have one so you can beat him up.
The bear happy goes around to find the wolf.
After a while he sees him and goes near by.
Hello Wolf.
Hello Bear.
Where is your hat,Wolf?
WHere is my what?
And the bear start beating the sh.t out of him.
Next day the same,after a week the same.
The bear goes at the fox again and tells her that he is bored with this reason and wants a new
reason to beat the wolf up.
The fox tells him.
Ask him to give you a ciggarette than.
He will not have and you can beat him up.
Happy again the bear goes around to find the wolf.
He finds him and and says
Hello Wolf.
Hello Bear.
Give me a ciggarette,please!
And the wolf gets from his jacket 4 packs of ciggarettes,5cigars,2
pipes and a big bag with tobbaco.
The bear looks at him than looks at the ciggarettes,
looks him again and looks at ciggarettes.
Than says:
Where is your hat?
 
Edward53
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staristheanswer staristheanswer
The bear wanted badly to beat up the wolf.....

Well I get it, but somehow it doesn't exactly flow. Feels like it's been Google-translated from a Slavonic folk tales website.
 
staristheanswer
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Edward53 Edward53
Well I get it, but somehow it doesn't exactly flow. Feels like it's been Google-translated from a Slavonic folk tales website.
I am the "Google translator" 馃榿
 
w154
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staristheanswer staristheanswer
The bear wanted badly to beat up the wolf...

Somehow, perhaps because the bear reminds me of you, that actually made me laugh out loud 馃憤
 
staristheanswer
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STANDY STANDY
Hey @staristheanswer where is your hat ?
I always wear my hat when entering the forum @STANDY ....ulackfocus is always in alert to catch me in mistakes and use his whip :whipped: 馃榿
d3Os2lG.gif
 
Dan S
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staristheanswer staristheanswer
Because you don't find it funny or some other people it doesn't mean that it is not funny.
If it is funny for at least one person than the joke has accomplished it's purpose I guess.
There are many jokes that I don;t find funny but many other likes them,I don't accuse the person that said the joke.
It is your opinion and I respect that but you and some other members that think too much of themselves,should respect my right to say
whatever I want as long as I didn't offend anyone and the topic here is tell me a joke so that is what I did.
Salut

The cumulative effect is amusing to me, although probably not in the way you would want.
 
Pun
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A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do.

About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a kazi goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The smart doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the mulla, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."

"Do you think... it will work?" she asks.

"It's worth a try." he says.

So, the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the kazi.

After the operation he goes in to the kazi and says, "Huzoor Kazisaab, you're not going to believe this.".

"What?" asks the mulla, "what happened?".

"You gave birth to a child!".

"But that's impossible!" says the bewildered mulla.

"I just did the operation," insists the doctor, "it's a miracle! Here's your baby."

About fifteen years go by, and the kazi realizes he must tell his son the truth.

One day, he sits the boy down and says,

"Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."

The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"
The mullaji replies, "I am your mother. The senior Imam is your father.".
 
akshayluc420
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Pun Pun
A woman starts dating a doctor...The senior Imam is your father.".

Dude, awfully courageous of you...your name isn't Charlie by any chance is it? 馃
Edited:
 
staristheanswer
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Jim wanted to find a job at the trains as a ticket checker but he had to
pass an interview with a supervisor.
He went and was waiting his turn.
When the other guy came out from the interview he went and asked him.

Jim: How did your interview go?
Other guy : Very diffycult questions
Jim: Like what?
Other guy : He asked me : If the train has a speed of 120 km/h and there is a wind that has speed
50 km/h hitting the train.You open the window,what is the speed of the wind coming inside the train?
I couldn't answer that and got "cut".

Very stressed,Jim entered inside and the supervisor started with the questions.

Supervisor : Mr Jim you are traveling with the train with a speed of 100 km/h.
There is a wind hitting the train with 60 km/h.
It is very hot and the window of the cabin is closed.
What you do?
Jim : I will take my jacket of,open a bit my shirt and I will be fine.
Supervisor : You don't understand.
Let's start again.
You travel with the train with a speed of 110 km/h,
There is a wind hitting the train with a speed of 78 km/h
It is a VERY VERY hot day and the WINDOW of the cabin is closed.
What do you do?
Jim : Okay I understand it now.
If it is so hot I will take of my shirt drink a bit of water and I will get
a bit fresher I guess.
Supervisor : Mr Jim,you don't understand it.You are traveling with a train...It is VER...
Jim : Let me interrupt you here Mr supervisor,whatever you do I am not going to
open the god damn window.
 
Buck2466
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In Montana, there has been a problem with bears climbing up on the roofs of houses. A little old lady goes outside and finds a bear up on her roof so she calls the local bear hunter to get the bear off her roof. He shows up immediately. He has a ladder, a club, a dog, and a rifle. The old lady asks him how he's going to get the bear off the roof. He tells her " I'm going to climb up the ladder, walk over and club the bear and knock him out, the bear will then tumble off the roof and my dog will run over and bite him in the nuts. I will then come down and bag him and put him in my truck. He then hands the old lady the rifle and begins to climb the ladder. The old lady then asks him what the rifle is for? He stops and says, " if i fall off the ladder, SHOOT THE f蠀cking DOG."
 
Pun
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akshayluc420 akshayluc420
Dude, awfully courageous of you...your name isn't Charlie by any chance is it? 馃
I fail to understand the courageous part of the joke. We make jokes on Jews, on Poles, on blondes, on Christians, on Sardars and so on and so on.... so we make fun of Muslims as well. There is nothing wrong I believe. We are all fallible human beings who have many weaknesses and funny sides to be laughed at. That鈥檚 what is life all about in a way...
 
ConElPueblo
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Pun Pun
I fail to understand the courageous part of the joke. We make jokes on Jews, on Poles, on blondes, on Christians, on Sardars and so on and so on.... so we make fun of Muslims as well. There is nothing wrong I believe. We are all fallible human beings who have many weaknesses and funny sides to be laughed at. That鈥檚 what is life all about in a way...

Agree. Substitute the Imam with the religious character of your choice and it is still a joke. Perhaps throw in an alter boy along with the Catholic priest 馃榿
 
Dan S
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Pun Pun
I fail to understand the courageous part of the joke. We make jokes on Jews, on Poles, on blondes, on Christians, on Sardars and so on and so on.... so we make fun of Muslims as well. There is nothing wrong I believe. We are all fallible human beings who have many weaknesses and funny sides to be laughed at. That鈥檚 what is life all about in a way...

The point wasn't that there was anything wrong with the joke, just that it took courage.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/jan/04/danish-cartoonist-axe-attack
https://www.cnn.com/2015/05/03/us/mohammed-drawing-contest-shooting/index.html
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/p...lled-muhammad-cartoons-magazine-paris-n281266
 
Pun
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ConElPueblo ConElPueblo
Agree. Substitute the Imam with the religious character of your choice and it is still a joke. Perhaps throw in an alter boy along with the Catholic priest 馃榿
Yes indeed. You鈥檙e so correct. The joke remains the same and equally effective. Regards
 
Pun
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Dan S Dan S
The point wasn't that there was anything wrong with the joke, just that it took courage.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2010/jan/04/danish-cartoonist-axe-attack
https://www.cnn.com/2015/05/03/us/mohammed-drawing-contest-shooting/index.html
https://www.nbcnews.com/storyline/p...lled-muhammad-cartoons-magazine-paris-n281266
Yes that鈥檚 also a very dark side of fanatics thought our present day civilisation face.
Islam was never a religion of hardcore fanatics. In last 50 years something really went missing. I hope it will soon become a religion of love and faith that it used to be. You read Rumi鈥檚 Mathnawi and you鈥檒l realise how flexible a religious thought could be. And it was called Quran in Pehelevi (Persian) language.
 
staristheanswer
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Pun Pun
I fail to understand the courageous part of the joke. We make jokes on Jews, on Poles, on blondes, on Christians, on Sardars and so on and so on.... so we make fun of Muslims as well. There is nothing wrong I believe. We are all fallible human beings who have many weaknesses and funny sides to be laughed at. That鈥檚 what is life all about in a way...
If I was going to post that joke it would be removed for sure like a joke I said with a Jew and some of the members would start to "throw stones" at me.
Just sayin...
 
Canuck
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I had a joke pulled by a moderator recently. I fail to see how the story (it certainly was not a joke) about the guy giving birth, wasn鈥檛 pulled. My joke was about Indigenous youths stripping cars. Musta peed somebody off!
 
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