Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]

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Courtesy of the Owl Report on Facebook..... breaking news....

Deep down I think we all suspected this - emotionless tactical domination of the Universe.......Spectre was just the start Mr Bond.....
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Edited:
 
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^^ I see that the poor kid misspelled "carats". But he is correct that hores like them, and in my experience, they typically prefer 18. 😁
 
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⛔DIVORCE vs. MURDER

A nice, calm & respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes & said, "I'd like to buy some cyanide❗

The pharmacist asked "Why in the world do you need cyanide❓

The lady replied, "I need it to poison my husband❗

The pharmacist's eyesgot big & he explained, "Lord have mercy❗

I can't give you cyanide to kill your husband, that's against the law. I'll lose my license❗

They'll throw both of us in jail❗

All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not❗

You CANNOT have any cyanide. Just get a divorce"❗

The lady reached into her purse & pulled out a picture of her husband with the pharmacist's wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture & said,

"You didn't tell me you had a prescription"