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Wryfox
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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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M'Bob
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hmmmcamu
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hmmmcamu
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M'Bob
·An eager, young vacuum salesman goes out on his first day, and excitedly knocks on the door of a house on his sales route.
A lady answers the door, but before she could speak, the salesman barges in, and pours liberal amounts of cow manure all over her carpet.
“Lady,” he say proudly. “If this vacuum fails to get every bit of this up, I will eat it!”
The woman replies, “Do you like ketchup, or hot sauce?”
Confused, the salesman says, “Why would you ask that?”
“Because, “ the lady says, “we have no electricity…”
A lady answers the door, but before she could speak, the salesman barges in, and pours liberal amounts of cow manure all over her carpet.
“Lady,” he say proudly. “If this vacuum fails to get every bit of this up, I will eat it!”
The woman replies, “Do you like ketchup, or hot sauce?”
Confused, the salesman says, “Why would you ask that?”
“Because, “ the lady says, “we have no electricity…”
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WarrenEllis
·Guiseppe Bergomi felled Marco van Basten with a rough tackle in a Milano derby some time in the 80's.
van Basten: "Hey Bergomi, not only are you an awful player, you're ugly too."
Bergomi: "Maybe... But at least I'm not prancing around in the gossip rags every week."
van Basten: "That's because you're so ugly."
van Basten: "Hey Bergomi, not only are you an awful player, you're ugly too."
Bergomi: "Maybe... But at least I'm not prancing around in the gossip rags every week."
van Basten: "That's because you're so ugly."
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Charlemagne1333
·Stanley comes home from college, in tears…
“Mom, am I adopted?”
“No, of course not”, replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”
Stanley showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, but strong matches for a family who lived on the other side of town.
Perturbed, his mother called her husband.
“Darling, Stanley has done a DNA test, and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”
“Well, obviously!”, he replied.
“What do you mean?”
“It was your idea in the first place!”, he stated.
“You remember that first night in the maternity ward when the baby did nothing but scream and cry, on and on, and you asked me to change him?”
“I picked a good one, I reckon. Ever so proud of Stanley…”
“Mom, am I adopted?”
“No, of course not”, replied his mother. “Why would you think such a thing?”
Stanley showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, but strong matches for a family who lived on the other side of town.
Perturbed, his mother called her husband.
“Darling, Stanley has done a DNA test, and… I don’t know how to say this… he may not be our son.”
“Well, obviously!”, he replied.
“What do you mean?”
“It was your idea in the first place!”, he stated.
“You remember that first night in the maternity ward when the baby did nothing but scream and cry, on and on, and you asked me to change him?”
“I picked a good one, I reckon. Ever so proud of Stanley…”
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hmmmcamu
·
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hmmmcamu
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Wryfox
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Wryfox
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Wryfox
·
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Wryfox
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Wryfox
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M'Bob
·James Bond enters a bar, looks around, and takes a seat next to an attractive lady. He gives her a quick glance, and then casually looks at his watch.
The lady notices, and says, “Beautiful watch. Rolex?”
Bond says, “No, it a state-of-the-art Omega, given to me by Q.”
“Really?, the lady says. “What’s so special about it?”
“Well,” Bond says. “It uses Alpha waves to communicate with me telepathically.”
“Is that so, Mr. Bond. What’s it telling you now?”, she says.
“That you’re not wearing any panties,” he replies.
She giggles, and says, “Well, it must be broken, because I am.”
He taps the crystal, and says, “Well, even though it’s METAS certified, the bloody thing is running an hour fast…”
The lady notices, and says, “Beautiful watch. Rolex?”
Bond says, “No, it a state-of-the-art Omega, given to me by Q.”
“Really?, the lady says. “What’s so special about it?”
“Well,” Bond says. “It uses Alpha waves to communicate with me telepathically.”
“Is that so, Mr. Bond. What’s it telling you now?”, she says.
“That you’re not wearing any panties,” he replies.
She giggles, and says, “Well, it must be broken, because I am.”
He taps the crystal, and says, “Well, even though it’s METAS certified, the bloody thing is running an hour fast…”
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vitriol
·
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fiberguy
·
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Wryfox
·"Sugar" 😉
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M'Bob
·