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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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LesXL
·I saw this job opportunity on my Facebook... What a great business card title!!
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shaun hk
·What do you call a dog who performs magic?
Labracadabra
Labracadabra
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hmmmcamu
·
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bubba48
·I don't go to swimming pools because too many people piss in 😁
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flw
··history nerdIn memory of the late, great Norm Macdonald, one of his memorable moments:
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Bob Neville
·A priest, a city councilman, a doctor, and an engineer are golfing on a sunny afternoon. Stuck behind a foursome of atrocious hackers for an excruciating 2 hours, they finally signal the Marshall after the 3rd hole to ask what’s up with how bad and slow those ahead of them are. The marshal informs them that those four gentlemen are brave firefighters who risked their lives battling a conflagration that nearly consumed the course clubhouse many years before, and all 4 firemen lost their sight fighting the blaze and now suffer a lifetime of blindness. As a show of gratitude the country club allows them to play for free whenever they like. The priest says “I’ll be sure to say a prayer for these men every Sunday during mass”. The city councilman says “I’ll propose an official proclamation to recognize their bravery and dedication to the safety of our community”. The doctor says “I’ll contact a brilliant ophthalmologist friend of mine to find out if there’s anything that can be done”. The engineer turns to the marshal and says “is there any reason they can’t just play at night?”
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!A retired couple lived near the ocean and walked the beach a lot. One summer during the high tourist season, they noticed a young woman who also walked the beach almost every day. She seemed pretty typical, as did the beachy tote bag she always carried, except for one thing ... periodically she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively, waving her off, and the young woman would move on. But, occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the police, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a few more days of observation, the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t, and said so. Said the wife, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the young woman talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
“Well, is she selling drugs?” the wife asked excitedly.
“No, she’s not.” he said, shaking his head and stretching out the anticipation.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. “She’s selling batteries!”
“Batteries?” cried the wife. "You're kidding me?"
“I'm not honey,” replied the husband. “She sells C-cells by the seashore.”
Generally, the people would respond negatively, waving her off, and the young woman would move on. But, occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money for something she carried in her bag. The couple assumed she was selling drugs and debated calling the police, but since they didn’t know for sure they just continued to watch her.
After a few more days of observation, the wife asked, “Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?”
He hadn’t, and said so. Said the wife, “Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she’s really doing.”
Well, the plan went off without a hitch, and the wife was almost hopping up and down with anticipation when she saw the young woman talk to her husband and then leave. The man walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
“Well, is she selling drugs?” the wife asked excitedly.
“No, she’s not.” he said, shaking his head and stretching out the anticipation.
“Well, what is it, then?” his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said. “She’s selling batteries!”
“Batteries?” cried the wife. "You're kidding me?"
“I'm not honey,” replied the husband. “She sells C-cells by the seashore.”
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- 17,023
hmmmcamu
·
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hmmmcamu
·
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Pun
·A man goes home to his wife, after being fired from his job at a chips factory
The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my prick in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised after hearing what happened, asked if everything is okay with his prick.
"Yes everything is fine with the prick", he replied.
"What about the potato cutter?", she asked.
A bit ashamed, he replied "she got fired as well"
The wife acts surprised, because the man has been employee of the month for 13 months in a row.
She asks "What happened?"
"I got fired for putting my prick in the potato cutter. It's been a dream of mine, and I couldn't resist it anymore", the man replied.
The wife, even more surprised after hearing what happened, asked if everything is okay with his prick.
"Yes everything is fine with the prick", he replied.
"What about the potato cutter?", she asked.
A bit ashamed, he replied "she got fired as well"
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Darlinboy
··Pratts! Will I B******S!!!John Travolta was hospitalized over the weekend with a suspected case of Covid-19.
After further testing, it was instead confirmed that he was suffering from a severe case of saturday night fever.
Doctors were optimistic on a full recovery, telling family members that Mr. Travolta would be staying alive.
After further testing, it was instead confirmed that he was suffering from a severe case of saturday night fever.
Doctors were optimistic on a full recovery, telling family members that Mr. Travolta would be staying alive.
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redpcar
·
