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Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread [No politics/religion]
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerA priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar.
The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?"
The rabbit says "I dunno, I'm only here because of Autocorrect!"
The bartender asks the rabbit "What'll ya have?"
The rabbit says "I dunno, I'm only here because of Autocorrect!"
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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RI Omega Fan
·A truck loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's Thesaurus crashed yesterday losing its entire load. Witnesses were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied, confused, shocked, rattled, paralyzed, dazed, bewildered, mixed up, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, amazed, confounded, astonished, overwhelmed, horrified, numbed, speechless, and perplexed.
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GTveloce
·On a hot summer day a penguin's car is overheating so he drives it to his mechanic.
The mechanic says "I'll have a look, come back in 20 minutes maybe I can tell you what the problem is".
So the penguin walks down the street and sees an ice cream stand, he orders a vanilla cone and eventually walks back to the garage.
When he gets back the mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal".
The penguin wipes the corners his mouth and says "no, it's just vanilla ice cream".
The mechanic says "I'll have a look, come back in 20 minutes maybe I can tell you what the problem is".
So the penguin walks down the street and sees an ice cream stand, he orders a vanilla cone and eventually walks back to the garage.
When he gets back the mechanic says "looks like you've blown a seal".
The penguin wipes the corners his mouth and says "no, it's just vanilla ice cream".
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vitriol
·
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NGO1
·
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Archer
··Omega Qualified Watchmaker
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Archer
··Omega Qualified WatchmakerI once tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention dressed as a doctor, but the security guard suspected I wasn't the real McCoy...
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NGO1
·
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaRather topical in the USA at the moment.
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JimInOz
··Melbourne AustraliaAnd probably only Aussies will get this.
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Edward53
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Engee
·Woman brings a duck to vet.
Vet says, “Your duck is dead.”
Woman says, “Are you sure?”
“Yes”, says Vet.
“How can you be sure you've done no tests.”
Vet brings in a labrador retriever which sniffs the duck and shakes his head.
Next, a cat which sniffs the bird and shakes its head.
Vet says, “Sorry, but as I said your duck is dead.” Vet hands woman a bill.
She cries, “$820 to tell me my duck is dead!”
Vet says, “If you had taken my word for it the bill would be $20 but lab reports and cat scans cost extra.”
Vet says, “Your duck is dead.”
Woman says, “Are you sure?”
“Yes”, says Vet.
“How can you be sure you've done no tests.”
Vet brings in a labrador retriever which sniffs the duck and shakes his head.
Next, a cat which sniffs the bird and shakes its head.
Vet says, “Sorry, but as I said your duck is dead.” Vet hands woman a bill.
She cries, “$820 to tell me my duck is dead!”
Vet says, “If you had taken my word for it the bill would be $20 but lab reports and cat scans cost extra.”
Edited:
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ahsposo
··Most fun screen name at ΩF
