My Girl friend found lipstick in my pocket. I confessed straight up that I had been cheating on her. No way I was telling her I sold Avon.
This is actually true. In the middle of the night at the 24 hours of Daytona, my buddy and started talking to a guy while sitting on the bleachers. He told us he had to tell his wife he was going to visit his girlfriend, because his wife did not want him to go to the track.
A man was called as a witness to the court room. Judge - "Tell us what you saw?" Witness - "What can I say your honor.I was riding my car and suddenly I needed to pee so I stopped my car and went to the bushes and what I saw,the lady sitting behind me and the gentleman next to her,were fucking!" Judge - "WHAT KINDA OF LANGUAGE IS THIS YOU ARE USING IN THE COURT ROOM? You can say it in a more polite way,they were having intercourse." Witness - "I'm sorry your honor.I'll start again. As I was saying I was riding my car and I needed to pee so I stopped my car and went to the bushes and what I saw.the lady and the gentleman next to her were having, hmm.... intercourse. I saw a little better,they were fucking!"
Q: What do you call a skateboard that is NOT yours? A: Nacho skateboard. NOTE Alpha: Pics are from today at the skatepark. NOTE Bravo: Yellow blocking placards have been installed for various tactical reasons. NOTE Charlie: I wish that was my skateboard...but I wouldn’t take it to Church...even with the yellow “censored” placard installed.
As told to me by the local postal clerk, Joe: A small boy was wandering around the grounds of a carnival, obviously lost. A man comes up to him and asks what the problem is: "I can't find my parents," says the little boy. "Okay," says the man."Take my hand and we'll go to the information booth." A couple of hours later, they are walking in a very dark forest. The little boy looks up and says, "Hey mister, I'm scared." The man says, "You're scared - I gotta walk out of here alone!"
Q: What is this? A. ?? Not bad, but you're not quite there. It's not a hereditary post! Those were the days... He's definitely in the photo and... wait for it... A. It's Clinton, hiding in the Bushes!
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? Because he needed some SPACE!!! *(While wearing his Moonwatch)
