Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

[impalla62ss]

DaveK

What the heck was going on in this parking lot that required this clarification to be made

No room for a crew cab long bed pickup.

 

[Tony C.]

 

[M'Bob]

Brought to you by Mensa International:

 

[SC1]

 

[Wryfox]

 

[flw]

 

[JimInOz]

I just found out that the company that produces yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

 

[Archer]

JimInOz

I just found out that the company that produces yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

They do, but they call the meter sticks now...

 

[JimInOz]

Putin met with Zalenskyy and said "After I die, I bet you'll piss on my grave"


Zalenskyy replied "No, after I got out of the army I promised myself I would never wait in a line again".

 

[JimInOz]

The Russian army was thought to be the second best army in the world...


... It turns out it's only the second best army in Ukraine.

 

[SC1]

 

[M'Bob]

An attractive woman is enjoying her conversation with a man at a bar, and they decide to go home.

As they’re getting ready for bed, the woman notices that after the man removes his socks, he washes his hands. The same thing after his underpants come off.

“You must be a dentist,” she said.

“How could you tell,? “ he said.

“The repetitive hand washing,” she said.

After they were finished, and lying there, she said, “You must be a great dentist.”

He said, “Yeah, I don’t want to boast, but I’ve heard that before. But how could you tell?”

“I didn’t feel a thing,” she said.

 

[Vercingetorix]

It seems the Guardian needs to employ a better fact checker.

https://www.theguardian.com/science...y-mini-satellites-orbit?CMP=oth_b-aplnews_d-1
Viewers of Top Gear know better. Almost.

 

[Wryfox]

If you have a dog you know...

 

[STANDY]

Wryfox

Bet they all grew up to be the “No Mask” people a year ago…

 

[Omegafanman]

STANDY

Bet they all grew up to be the “No Mask” people a year ago…

The trouble is we have no mask confusion now (UK)…I went to my GP last week, everyone must wear a mask, but the young triage nurse was frustrated as in her day to day life, at the pub and outside the centre she does not wear one. I went to a major hospital for a CT scan this week. The welcome (lovely chap) had no mask. The radiography team told me not to worry about it and there was a mix of patients and staff with and without masks. I get a bit sad when I go up the local cycle track / scenic walk and see old people in the open air on their own struggling along with masks. I know many here think they have all the answers - increasingly I know I do not. Let’s be nice to each other and learn ….and ref my joke below …if you give it out then you should be able to take it ;0)… unless you are 100% sure you are 100% right (which history shows does not typically end well)
.

 

[Wryfox]

 

[Wryfox]

 

[DaveK]

 

[Darlinboy]

With a reputation for generosity and full-sized candy bars, we always get a ton of kids in our neighborhood for Halloween.

Last year, I opened the door to find a whole pack of trick-or-treaters wearing Gloria Gaynor masks!

At first I was afraid...