After pulling a farmer over for speeding, the policeman started to lecture him about his speed, pompously implying that the farmer didn't know any better and trying to make him feel as uncomfortable as possible. Then he started writing out the ticket, but had to keep swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The farmer asked "Having some trouble with circle flies there are ya?" The cop paused to take another swat and said "Yes, if that's what they are. I've never heard of circle flies." The farmer was pleased to enlighten the cop. "Circle flies are common on farms. They're called circle flies because you almost always find them circling the back end of a horse." The cop continued writing for a moment, then says "Hey, are you trying to call me a horse's ***?" "Oh no, officer." The farmer replies, "I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers for that." "That's a good thing." The officer says, and goes back to writing out the ticket. After a long pause the farmer added "Hard to fool them flies, though."
A farmer is overseeing his herd when suddenly a brand-new car appears out of a cloud of dust and starts advancing towards him. The driver, a young man in a suit, leans out the window and asks the farmer: “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?” The farmer looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers: “Sure, why not?” The yuppie parks his car, whips out his computer, connects it to his mobile phone, gets on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo on his computer and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a database through an Excel spreadsheet with email on his phone and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full colour, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturised printer. He turns to the farmer and says: “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.” “That’s right,” says the farmer. “Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.” He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the he stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the farmer says to the young man: “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?” The young man thinks about it for a second and then says: “Okay, why not?” “You’re a politician,” says the farmer. “Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie. “But how did you guess that?” “No guessing required,” answered the farmer. “You showed up here even though nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are, and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows for that matter. “This is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.”
Once upon a time there was a female brain cell which, by mistake, happened to end up in a man's head. She looked around nervously because it was all empty and quiet. Hello? she cried, but no answer. Is there anyone here? she cried a little louder, but still no answer. Now the female brain cell started to feel alone and scared because there were no brain cells around, and she yelled at the top of her voice, HELLO, IS THERE ANYONE HERE? Then she heard a faint voice from far, far away... We're down here.