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Wryfox
·
Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D
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Wryfox
·
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redpcar
·
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Lurk41
·During WWII, two German spies were sent to Britain to get some intel. They decide to blend with the population and go to the pub.
They ask the bartender, in an impeccable english:
- Two whiskies, please.
- Dry whisky?
- Nein, zwei!
They ask the bartender, in an impeccable english:
- Two whiskies, please.
- Dry whisky?
- Nein, zwei!
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lindo
·The guy who taught me to shoot rifle competition is a retired Marine Master Sergeant.
A fairy tale, he says, starts out "once upon a time...".
A Marine sea story starts out, "this is no shit, now..."
https://jarheadtop.com is his site. My name appears on it once.
He published a book of his sea stories.
Tom
You reminded me of this - the world's shortest fairy tale.......
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?".
The girl said "NO", and the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
Edited:
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Buck2466
·You reminded me of this - the world's shortest fairy tale.......
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?".
The girl said "NO", and the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played gold a lot and drank beer and farted whenever he wanted.
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Buck2466
·
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Buck2466
·
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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Omegafanman
·
I am a pessimistic optimist (and pissed again...) pessimistic so I survive...and optimistic otherwise why bother.... :0)
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Tony C.
··Ωf Jury member
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MyVintageOmega
·Wife and I decided to move to our 2nd home to stay if (when) the enhanced quarantine kicks in. Appears someone has entered the home and took all of my Wife's shoes and clothes, in fact every single article except for her string bikini that was hanging on the clothes line. As I have CCTV Cameras I suspected to clearly see if my suspicion was correct and indeed it was..........................................Turns out, I do in fact look shorter on CCTV.
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Syzygy
·I found toilet paper at the store today...
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lindo
·After having their 11th child, a backwoods couple decided that that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his doctor/veterinarian and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The guy said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative, said the doctor, was to go home, get a large firecracker, light it, put it in an empty beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The guy said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I don't see how putting a firecracker in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me."
"Trust me," said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a firecracker and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count:
"1"
"2"
"3"
"4"
"5"
at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs, and resumed counting on his other hand.
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pongster
·Sorry darling … I was listening honest … I just keep losing my thread.....
https://omegaforums.net/attachments/elephant-in-the-room-jpg.960898/
At some point, they have to address the elephant in the room. 😀
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pongster
·WHAT CONFUCIUS DID NOT SAY...
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
Squirrel who runs up woman's leg will not find nuts.
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
Man who runs in front of car gets tired, man who runs behind car gets exhausted.
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
It takes many nails to build a crib but only one screw to fill it.
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.
Finally CONFUCIUS DID SAY. . ...
"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood!"
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Wryfox
·This is the only explanation that works in Florida.....
