Community Stories

Tell me a joke! The OF humor thread :-D

allwoundup
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Not a joke, but it did give me a chuckle. I ran out of deodorant the other day. I wasn’t crazy about the scent of the deodorant I had just run out of. Out of nowhere memories of my grandfather popped into my head, and that he always used Old Spice and that I loved the scent when I was young....so I bought some. I got a laugh the next morning when I put some on, then read the back label.
 
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Pun
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allwoundup allwoundup
Not a joke, but it did give me a chuckle. I ran out of deodorant the other day. I wasn’t crazy about the scent of the deodorant I had just run out of. Out of nowhere memories of my grandfather popped into my head, and that he always used Old Spice and that I loved the scent when I was young....so I bought some. I got a laugh the next morning when I put some on, then read the back label.
Thank you. It reminds me that I must buy one, once this lockdown is over, to celebrate my father as well. Regards
 
P
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alam alam
Tom Hanks survived:

- a plane crash and then as castaway for a year..
- a tour in Vietnam and then saving Lt Dan...
- Apollo 13 after the spacecraft was damaged...
- while living in an airport terminal for years...
- an emergency landing in the Hudson river saving all crew and passengers...
- East Berlin during the Cold War as he negotiated the release of an American spy plane pilot..

now, if he does not survive Covid 19, many of us will be screwed....

😀

Looks like he survived. Yay.

https://news.abs-cbn.com/entertainm...turns-to-la-after-bout-of-coronavirus-reports
 
DaveK
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I’m not sure I want to know why this movie was recommended in my search
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Canuck
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Once a king, always a king. But once a knight is enough! 👍
 
W
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Pandemic Daily Schedule:

9:00-10:00 a.m. - Unsuccessful attempts to meditate.
10:00-11:00 a.m. - Eat the first of my 9 daily meals.
11:00-4:00 p.m. - News and unsuccessful attempts to be creative.
4:00 -2:00 a.m. - Argue with strangers on the internet.
 
Archer
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Audiophiles - the original social distancers...

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jsducote
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Ran out of toilet paper today and have resorted to using lettuce leaves. It's just the tip of the iceberg, but endive in, it's all for the butter, and I shall romaine.
 
Canuck
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jsducote jsducote
Ran out of toilet paper today and have resorted to using lettuce leaves. It's just the tip of the iceberg, but endive in, it's all for the butter, and I shall romaine.

My late father ran a jewellery store. I recall one day, a lady came in and asked about a dinnerware pattern called “Thistle”. He told her he was unable to help, but he had a hazy recollection of thistle. After the lady left the store, he told me about a threshing crew he’d been on as a young man. He had to relieve himself, and in his search for something to use to wipe up, he grabbed a handful of foliage. One wipe, and he but a bum full if prickles from thistle.
 
base615
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Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son. He said: “Dad can’t you just use a sponge?”
 
Omegafanman
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I heard a Dr. on TV saying: “In this time of Coronavirus, when staying at home we should focus on inner peace. To achieve this we should always finish things we start and we could all use more calm in our lives. I looked through my house to find things I’d started and hadn’t finished, so I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of Chardonnay, a bodle of Baileys, a butle of wum, the mainder of Valium scriptuns, an a box of chocletz. Yu haf no idr how feckin fablus I feel rite now. Sned this to all who need inner piss. An telum u luvum . And two hash yer wands. Stafe day averybobby!!!!
 
lindo
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An old lady had been looking after her dementing husband for some time but realised that she could no longer do so at home. She reluctantly made enquiries about admission to a nursing home and was told about aged care assessment and that she should come to the home to complete the necessary application forms.

She took her husband with her to the home and sat him in a chair in the foyer while she started on the forms. After a few minutes the receptionist noticed that the old chap was leaning slowly to his right, so she hurried over and sat him up straight.

A few minutes later she saw him leaning over to his left, so she went over and sat him up again, but within a few more minutes he started to lean forward. She went over and held him up while wondering what to do, when his wife finished the forms and came back to her husband, asking brightly "Well dear, what do you think of the home?"

He said "Oh, I suppose it’s alright, but I don’t know whether I could live here - they won't let me fart."
 
Omegafanman
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There were three applicants who wanted to join a secret division of the CIA. In the last test they were told that they had to execute a real enemy of the state in cold blood. They were each shown a room and told to go in and shoot the person inside. They did not know it but they were actually given a gun loaded with blanks and the person in the room was their marriage partner tied to a chair. In the first two tests the men came out crying and said that they could not shoot their wives. In the third test there were eight gunshots and a lot of noise. The lady came out and complained that the gun did not work..... but then said don't worry, I still managed to beat my husband to death with the table leg...….
 
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