i hope it’s ok I do a little public service announcement here. If it’s not appropriate please delete or let it sink to oblivion. My mother has Alzheimer’s and has been in an assisted living facility for many years now. They treat her very good and she is happy at the place but her illness is now progressing rapidly after many years of it not being too bad.

The issue I’m having is my brother set her up in this facility she is in. I originally wanted her to come and live with my wife and I for the years she was stable, not only to save her money but she took care of me so many years I thought it was something I should do. Well, now that my mother is getting worse my brother disappeared. I had to get the health care proxy and power of attorney transferred to me due to his abandonment. I now find many of the things my brother told me about this place and the financials were untrue and I’ve now been through three lawyers trying to cut through red tape and get all this taken care of. This is not a woe is me post I just wanted to make people aware to make plans for your parents early and if they need to go to a facility don’t take words at face value get as much in writing as the place is willing to give you. I had no idea these places were known for telling half truths or outright lies.

I can’t just move her as that may very well worsen her condition and she had a very tough life and I’m not going to add stress to her at this point. So again this isn’t me complaining, well yeah I guess I am complaining but now that I’m stuck in the middle off it I figure maybe i can benefit someone by giving a warning about being more preemptive and developing a solid plan. I had no idea my brother would actually abandon her like this I would hope that would never happen to anyone here but when it comes to your parents care if possible, and if this story sounds like something that might even remotely happen to you, maybe sit down with your parents early and see what they would like because this stuff can get nasty and overwhelming quickly.

Sorry again I know this is a watch forum but I’m amazed how many people I talk to running into similar situations. Plus I’m in the off topic part so I thought it might be a decent place to do a public service thing.

 

Sorry you’re going through it; and best of health to your mother.

 

I appreciate it - my parents are very healthy, entering their later 70s, but you just never know when a sudden decline will happen and it's good to be reminded to be prepared.

 

Thanks glad you heard it. That is seriously why I related this message. This isn’t a pity thing, damn we all have sickness and death in our families but this Alzheimer’s is serious stuff and if even one person gets to avoid this mess I’m dealing with and makes a solid plan that won’t blow up if one family member decides it’s too much for them to deal with I’ll be happy. It’s not something you want to deal with along with the more important thing of just being with your parents. I hope your parents stay nice and healthy but these dementia/Alzheimer’s diagnoses are more common than I care to mention and really there is very few treatments

 

Thank you. Sorry if it was a ramble I actually was talking to a lawyer right before I left for work tonight so I’m just ruminating on it but there are millions dealing with similar situation. Perhaps not the being screwed over by another family member who lied and abandoned his duties but dealing with this illness in general. It’ll work out though.

 

They way I see it is my parents took care of me when I couldn’t, so it’s only right that I do the same for them.

 

Hell to the yeah. That’s why I can’t believe my brother bailed on her as her condition worsened. Seriously how many years did she feed us, wipe our asses, listen to our stupid ideas, stay with you when your first friend died I mean what you just said is how it should be. Getting mad or annoyed at someone because they have an illness that can make them difficult to deal with imo is some heartless cruel stuff.

 

I am very sorry that you have been put in this situation. At a young age I watched my grandmother go through the same thing, and now a friend of the family has also been diagnosed. It is truly sad and heart breaking.

Maybe hold back on condemning your brother too quickly, there may be severe problems in his life as well.

All I can offer are my best wishes for you, your mother and the rest of your family.

 

My father had chronic heart problems since age 43, many surgeries and 40+ years later it became debilitating. I quit my job found another close to parents house. Moved back in to help mom with dad. Dad passed in 2013, died right here at home with mom holding his left hand and I his right. Now I help mom she’s 86. No one should abandon a parent ever! !

 

Indeed. Children have a duty to look after their parents as they grow older, just as parents have a duty to look after their children as they grow up. It's sort of an insurance policy for when one grows old, and why and how families work together and survive. Some people don't see it that way.

 

I hear what you are saying and of course it makes sense but you are going to have to trust me on this one, it was the lawyer who wrote him off for abandonment and he, my brother that is, is being a prick in this situation. There is no other reason than he finds her to annoying to deal with. I won’t go into anymore detail as it would be unnecessary.

 

How about being younger children that WANT to arrange to take care of older parents and they want nothing to do with it. They think they are fine with their plans and they are far from it. Dangerously so. We worry constantly about the smallest event taking them out financially. Not to mention that I know my father is being taken advantage of by scams and he refuses to believe it in the face of facts that it is happening.

Neither has loss of faculties, just stubborn and old fashioned.

We have learned painfully that the risks on the elderly are many and varied.

 

Oh so true I was fortunate I drove to my mothers at the exact time some idiots were trying to sell her a Kirby vacuum. 3,200 and only 25% interest. Of course she couldn’t wrap her head around those numbers but damn these dudes tried cozying up to me as soon as I walked in. They tried to bury some of the paperwork but I got it and ripped it up asked if they wanted to vacuum it before they left. It got heated for about 40 seconds but I asked to see their door to door sales paperwork and I guess they figured it might be good to leave. I hear what ur saying that’s before my mother was in bad shape bastards like that train on the elderly

 

Thanks for sharing! I ran across this drawing online, and it speaks to exactly what you are talking about. I wish to do the same for my parents as they did for me. I know that my two older brothers will not be around for them, so it will solely be on me--and I am okay with that. My heart goes out to you. My grandmother had dementia, and it was difficult to watch.

 

I went through this with my father 15 years ago and I’m starting the process with my mother now. Not dementia yet, but the planning. It’s very difficult, for many reasons.

 

Thank you for the nice comments guys but I hope the main message I wanted to get out was to give a few people heads up of how crazy these things turn and I wish I was more active at the beginning when my brother was moving her. It was like my wish to have her stay with my wife and I was pushed aside leaving me a bit stunned and then I find out what happened and I was misled. I’m not saying there was bad intent at the beginning I think he just wanted her, well whatever. So yes this Alzheimer’s thing is far to frequent but at least now I know it’s completely on me so I’m developing two or three possible plans. Oh and don’t worry about the lawyers you can talk to three different ones and the same action they will take one will say 8k, one will see 5k and then you find one that says there are private companies that will do the paperwork for 500 bucks

 

take care brother! stay strong !

 

My Mum dies 2 years ago at 84 from the effects of dementia, was heartbreaking watching her go downhill. My dad is now 93 and still comes into work here every day. Most Asian cultures revere old age, children look after their elderly, i is part of the deal, most western cultures, on the other hand, put them in a home and try to visit once a week. Much wrong with the western system in my opinion.