Breakup advice...

Five years. Thought everything was fine, but she fell out of love and revealed it like a light switch.

The numbness is unreal.

I'm not vain enough to think I'm the only person to ever have this happen to them.

I need to hear some wisdom

Damn dude sorry to hear that. Wish I had words of wisdom to make things sting less put it’s painful no matter how you slice it. Take care of yourself we never know what tomorrow will bring.

Very sorry to hear that. The only permanent love that I know of is between parent and child. With rare exceptions, love between adults is often fleeting. I agree with Larry S that friendship combined with love is the best arrangement and that is usually what you'll find at the core of relationships and marriages that last. I think that it's important to remember that no one can make you happy. YOU have to be happy and content with who you are and hope that someone else will see and appreciate everything that you have to offer. In the meantime, get a dog. They're fiercely loyal, always thrilled to see you, and they ask for very little compared to what they give back.

I had a 5 year relationship end about 18 years ago after we had moved across the country together post-college. I found myself in a new town where I knew no one, regularly bumping into the person that had crapped on my heart as I was trying to establish a new social circle. It was incredibly tough, but I made it out the other side in a much better place than I had been when the relationship ended. You will too.

There is some great advice already about what can help love / a relationship last, and I'll add that you shouldn't let this breakup lead you to think there is something flawed about you as a person.

I give you a “like” for your courage to air this out and solicit help. That’s not easy when one is suffering, and the tendency is of course to put the blame on the other person.

The pain will be there for a while, there will be no escape. But when it finally starts to ease, which it inevitably will, try to focus on yourself, and what you could learn for the next time, and don’t go down the rabbit hole of trying to get inside someone’s head or hypothesize on their motives, unless the dynamic for the dissolution was really obvious.

10 years- met her in college, she was my best friend. Four years of dating/living together and I finally asked her to marry me- there were red flags there, but I didn’t pay attention, I thought we could overcome anything. That period between 20-30 can be transformative, she discovered who she was and realized I couldn’t be a part of that- I was devastated.
Within a month of separation I met a lovely woman through friends, we started dating, but I hadn’t dealt with my grief, nor had I worked on my own issues. That relationship went on for 5 years and finally she had the courage to move on and let me know why- I wasn’t emotionally available, she had been living in the shadow of my ex- she gave all she could- more power to her breaking it off and finding someone who is there for her (she is very happy now).
I spent the next 3 years on my own, finally found a good therapist after years of hopping from mediocre to mediocre- I don’t need a cheerleader or someone to parrot me- I needed someone to walk me through why I do what I do. I finally dealt with my grief and came to some sense of self awareness of how I contributed to the end of both relationships. To paraphrase Woody Allen: I have been in the same bad relationship for 20 years with three different people.
One evening I was sitting on my porch having a cigarette and the new neighbors were having a party- they called over for me to join them. I went over in my fleece pants and hoody (house clothes) expecting to stay for one drink then back to binge watching TV- I met a fabulous woman and I made no effort to pursue as I had resigned myself to a life of solitude- but she pursued me. Now 2 years later and we can’t get enough of each-other, she is my best friend, and I am hers. I have never felt this kind of connection to anyone- and it is because I am finally able to be present in the relationship and not in my own little world.
Take the time to work on yourself. The loss of a relationship follows the same path as the 5 stages of grief- and you need to get to acceptance to be ready to move on. I realize in hindsight that the 15 years I spent in those 2 relationships was me repeating the same behavior over and over- I needed to become self aware and have to tools to not only deal with my issues, but be available to another human being.
I gets better man, but you need to sit with the loss and not try to run from it. You need to reflect on your contributions to the demise of the relationship- not just her behavior. Don’t beat yourself up, just think about the “signs” so you know how to not repeat the same mistakes again. A good therapist is worth their weight in gold- asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.

I have found this to be an incredibly caring and empathetic group of people- we can drop the snark and humor on a dime when a fellow member is in trouble. I think we all get that there are watch world problems and real world problems.

As you can see, you are far from alone. Certainly, your experience and how you process it is unique, yet the situation is all-too-common. And many of us can say without reservation we know how you feel. And you’ll come through the other side just fine, even if all seems bleak presently. Trust me - us - in that. Hell, there’d be far fewer songs written over the last few hundred years if not for lost love!

This is a great time for reflection and planning. You owe it to yourself. Your life, your journey, your path. Daunting and painful right now but exciting all the same.

Years ago, when my ex-wife and I were splitting up, a friend's father - himself divorced and happily remarried- said to me, ‘Michael, you won’t see it now but this will be among the best things to happen to you...’. I thought he was callous and crazy. I now know he was wise - and right.

Stay strong. It takes time to heal, but you’ll get there!